• Member Since 9th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 4th, 2017

Yoater


Sequels1

Comments ( 80 )

very interesting, its rare to see a story about an alicorn in FoE

though i do wonder if she will drop the we habit

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Thanks.
She most likely will eventually, but it will be hard for her to do so.

I found this concept rather intriguing, not to mention a rare sight to see a story running a long side one of the Goddess's children. It seems decent, biggest suggestion is to be more descriptive of where the characters are. I am having to imagine their surroundings more than I should.

Stick a fire extinguisher in my ass and call me a filly! :pinkiehappy: Finally! Someone fuckin write story with green alicorn protagonist! For fuck's sake!
What a beautiful day! :rainbowkiss: I can see she can't read minds of ponies, I think it's because she is not in Unity anymore? Or she never can?
Also, description of story is really bad. Instead of scaring people with "alternative dimention" shit, you should better write what it's about green alicorn two week after goddess death.
Keep it fuckin up! :twilightsmile:

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I'll be honest, I had forgotten they could read minds until I had a lot written. :facehoof: Though she does give a brief description of why she doesn't in ch1.

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Thanks. I've been attempting to be more descriptive in the newer chapters.

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:unsuresweetie: I don't understand the question. Gore is an option when you select teen or mature.

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Sorry if I confused you, it's just hard to me to imagine teen and gore categories side by side, that's all.

Agreed. We need Mature and Sex tag. :scootangel:
Look, maybe she will start to reading minds, at least superficially, with lvl? If somepony nearby have strong inner voice like "fuckin alicorn", or something? It's simply too awesome feature to ignore. So many possible fun situations. :pinkiehappy:

Goddess's fuck, i love it! She wants to remove pipbuck? Damn, she is so silly, i am in love. Actually, pb should not be tight for her,many big earth pony stallions have more bulky forleg than alicorn mare. Average alicorn mare are smaller than Celestia. Also, pipbucks have different bios, there should be one for alicorns. I saw pb works on changelings.
Story needs cover art.

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Well the Pipbuck does recognize her as an alicorn, but it doesn't recognize that radiation is actually good for her. At least that is my take on Pipbucks & Unity alicorns. It's only acting how its original programming tells it to, which is thinking that she is normal and hurt by radiation. :raritydespair:

Whoa! Fuck! I love this mare... She found out she had been fucked, while have been drugged, and what her reaction? Ask if he liked it. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: Celestia's flank, she is awesome!
Also, heartstopping spell is actually strong magic, that Alicorns knows, because of Unity. It's quite slow, and make heartattack (steel rangers have defibrillator in suit). Here she is making HEARTCRUSH. And it's so simle for her to use, what I wonder if she really unique alicorn. Meanwhile Shield that every alicorn have naturally, SS can do only one time per day. Strange. :trixieshiftleft:
And chapter is great. :twilightsmile:

It'd be nice to hear people's opinions on if it's gotten better or worse as far as her describing the areas and stuff. Also how are the other characters? Well the ones that aren't knocked out for most of a chapter or two. :facehoof: Oh and how is the pacing?

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Well, I like story how it is now. I wanted more pink stallion, but you just add him in party so I am happy.
Also, pacing could be slower. I prefer more dialogs and details. Also action scenes could be shorter, but more intense. For example she can kill less enemies, but every kill must be detailed. She use fuckin chainsaw! Also this chainsaw must have unique name. :twilightsheepish:
Also. COVER ART. Use something. Why not that cute SS filly drawing?

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I don't think that drawing would work as cover art. I had an image in my head, but getting it down is going to suck.

Perhaps Bane for the name of the chainsaw? I dunno.

Oh Bucky! What a tricky fucker! Look, scene is too dry. I understand she is bad narrator, but here must be something like .."fountain of blood from his neck" or something. Not like that.
Enclave, heh, some distant garrison? Could be decent ponies. Red Eye still alive? Ponies as Comet shall decide soon if they with falling enclave, or independent.
So she is widow now? hah. Who is next? )))

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I'll see about improving that aspect of her story telling, since she's going to be keeping that blade for a while.

i love that chapter ending. spooky. :pinkiehappy:
keep up the good work dude!

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Thanks. :yay: Then it worked as intended.

Holy Celestia's "insert body part" Awesome! Definetely fuckin crasy day.:pinkiecrazy: Nice to see that SS have a lot of willpower. Nor Intellect, nor wisdom. WILLPOWER. To butchering fuckers. :scootangel: Right now SS is best protagonist in FoE fiction. For my taste ofcourse. :twilightsmile:

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She does whatever it takes to complete an objective and sometimes goes a little overboard. :twilightoops: I'm kind of afraid of what might happen when she finally meets Eclipse. :pinkiecrazy: lol.

Whoa fuck! This story is positively crasy, but this chapter is just super crasy! :pinkiegasp: Damn, you really should slow down fuckin a little. You cant put so much stuff with so much characters, simultaneous events, and development in one chapter. :pinkiecrazy: This chapter is crasy rushed. Awesome ofcourse. Because it's Shell Shock and nothing is boring with her. But here is really becomes hard to track wtf is going on on this crasy island. :rainbowlaugh:
About your question. Dunno, I am not a fan of flashbacks at all, but you can make it intresting, so if you want, then do, ofcourse. :twilightsmile:

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I'm re-doing the next chapter as I didn't like my idea that the machine at the end of seven was also a time machine. Because Shell Shock in pre-war times is a recipe for disaster for any pony she comes in contact with. That and after writing it out it felt like an odd thing to do.

With all the crap that goes at least a mile under the city, and outlying jungle, I think the ponies that built Oakwood were funded by an insane billionaire pony. :raritywink:

Fuck! Heh, she had been awesome mother in her past life. Only strange is her reaction on news that her daughter is ff. Shouldn't she said something like 'okay, you two cute together, but remember that I want grandchildren in future, so, you should play with colts too'. Dunno how the fuck parents could be positive about stuff like that. Only on fuckin fim it seems.

If anyone is wondering, I went back and redid the prologue. Well more like fixed the sentence structure and other glaring errors. :pinkiehappy: I'm going to eventually get around to fixing the first four. I decided to capitalize the 'We, Us and Our' for when she's talking about just herself. That way it doesn't get confusing later on with companions.

Awesome! She is most crazy protagonist that FoE fiction have! Love this story.

hey is filly eclipse and loco in the coco steel ranger eclipse the same pony like after the war lilium bell(aka.shellshock) had a kid before she joined unity that's way she hates alicorn's because she believes that thay took her mother's mother's mother away from her or something.

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That is a possibility that crossed my mind at one point, but to tell would be spoilers. In fact the next chapter might sort it out a bit better. Or so I hope.

Sienna is so daaawwww? even if she is a ghoul she and shell shock are going mess with everyone like I will eat yo brains grr arrr growl "adorable sqeak" aww mother daughter bonding time sooooo sweet with panks and scaring the crap out of people who wont shoot you "maybe".

Haha! Good! Keep writting it. :twilightblush:

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Much scaring of the Oakwood locals was indeed planned. :rainbowlaugh:

Haha! Fuck! What is real hmm? :derpytongue2: It's becomes hard to track wtf is really happening with Shell Shock. :pinkiecrazy:
Awesome! I hope at least what written in THIS chapter is real? :rainbowlaugh: Heh, she instantly decided that male alicorn is not real because it's too good to be true? Athena is real? Fuck, what a story we have. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

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Don't worry. She's not going to suddenly wake up for a second time in pre-war Equestira. :pinkiecrazy:

So she wasn't forcefully transformed into an Alicorn? Weird. Though at least Sienna is alive albeit a ghoul but still alive.

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Dont be jerking us around. You know you want to do that again, total mind f*ck us.

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Fine... I'll get on it. I have the backround, just taking sweet time to make the character art to overlay. But hey, since people want, I'll be sure to get back to it and work my brains out trying to get it just right.

Ah I see what you did there :trollestia: the spore carriers from New Vegas, good chapter again though :yay:

Ahhahaah! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy: Damn, Shell Shock.... Damn she crasy! Slave collar, again! :facehoof:
Some stallion not wants to fuck with her and now he is less than a pony for her... :derpytongue2:
Foal making spell? :pinkiegasp::rainbowlaugh: Genious! Now I will call sex in FiM as FMS. :raritywink:
How you write Shell Shock? You write some normal line of thoughts, then blend this all? :pinkiecrazy::derpytongue2:

may Mudpie rest in peace, an enjoyable story and I hope Shock doesn't slip away

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I plan to keep it going until the end. :pinkiecrazy:

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Thanks

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I'm sure she will rest in peace.

http://fav.me/d6zr7p3

My long delayed cover art for you... but hey, atleast you now can say you got fan art! Along with this:
http://fav.me/d6ww4c3

I'm also pre-reading/minor proof reading guys, and I can tell you, its going pretty good. Worth the delay. He is also working on other stuff too though, so really hang in there, show the love, and make some fan-art even. Let him know he isnt as bad as he likes to think he is.

drunk shock is best shock:pinkiehappy:

I think I missed the cannibalism part...

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Shock tries to keep it buried by saying she'd never do it, but it keeps popping up here and there throughout most of the chapters and quickly forgotten about.

I'll be honest, I don't know how to feel about this.

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