Sam Canton is nobody special. He has a normal job, doing the same normal things as other normal people. His life is not spectacular, and he likes it that way. But one day he decides to take a walk, unaware that this was going to turn into no ordinary walk. He ends up finding a injured Pegasus, and takes it home to help it, unaware that this is no ordinary pegasus.
This is a Fluttershy/Human story where Fluttershy ends up on Earth and is trying to get back home with the help of a human.
Once again, I have to thank my proofreader Achaian! He does wonderful editing, and allows me to bring to all of you the best work possible. Please visit his page! http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Achaian
Chapters (3)
I have to say that this is a great improvement from your other story that it's actually a surprise to see. Other than giant paragraphs that could be split in three parts easily, and mistakes with various wordings which I will list out below - oh, and the all too happy insertions of too many exclamation marks where they aren't needed - I don't have much to complain about here about the story. I'd like to see how you go about developing this story further.
Here are the words that you messed up on and the correct word (in italics) you should have used:
Drug - dragged
Sooth - soothe
Suppost - supposed
I still think you can delve deeper with a little more detail that would've been appropriate, but it's nothing that really matters all too much. It's just really to make the world you're creating really breathe. There's also a few parts which I'd change to put it in a slightly different way.
Also, 'pathetic' is a very harsh word. I personally wouldn't recommend you use that for your character to describe Fluttershy in that manner.
I'm usually completely anal about this, but here's a thumbs up to counter the random thumbs down to spur you on. At this point where only a single chapter exists, I think it's unfair to give a thumbs down until there is more content uploaded. Some people just don't want to give others room to breathe, I guess.
What a terrible child Sam was! I think a little correction should do the trick. The thought dialogue would look better if they were italicized, not in bold letters.
That aside, it's a good start for a story that seems oddly familiar. Fave and like!
2410288
This is my fault.
- Dictionary.com
Knowing you, I can safely say that you are much more prone to consider the negative connotations of a word. However, you must not let your perception of a definition affect your judgement to the point where it maligns the entire definition as defined by the community of users.
This is a stylistic preference and does not go the extreme that it would affect the objectivity of his writing, but as you say:
Aside from what I have made note of I agree with you.
fav. and like
Looking forward to reading what happens next.
2412038 Your profile pic made me shed a tear. R.I.P. Bionicle.
I think it goes like this:
It's just a small error.
It's been a long time since you updated, but the waiting was worth it.
It's really good, since Fluttershy was in character and Sam was slightly crazy. I like it!
If you need a cover image, I have some to share. There not mine, of course.
gameinformer.com/cfs-filesystemfile.ashx/__key/CommunityServer-Components-ImageFileViewer/CommunityServer-Discussions-Components-Files-14492/7367.52768-_2D00_-asleep-cute-fluttershy-photoshop-real_5F00_life-sweater.png_2D00_610x0.png
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDIvMjEvMjNfNDZfMzZfODdfMjUxMjc4X19VTk9QVF9fc2FmZV9mbHV0dGVyc2h5X3Bob3RvX3ZlY3Rvcl9ibHVzaGluZ19raXNzaW5nX3Bvbmllc19pbl9yZWFsX2xpZmVfZG9vcl93YWxsX2FydGlzdF9sdWlzYm9uaWxsYS5qcGVnLmpwZWciXV0/251278__safe_fluttershy_photo_vector_blushing_kissing_ponies-in-real-life_door_wall_artist-luisbonilla.jpeg.jpeg
fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/110/e/d/fluttershy_in_real_life__sleeping____by_courthamm-d4wzyg3.jpg
2.bp.blogspot.com/-MijnYz5e-oM/TxNU7RTSzJI/AAAAAAAAbRI/tk29KBJ1a_Q/s1600/112580+-+bed+cgi+fluttershy+ponies_in_real_life+sleeping.png
2613349
Heh, thanks for catching that. My proofreader was tired. And I do apologize for having you guys wait so long for an update. The collaboration I am working on with my proofreader kind of took over and this story got forgotten. But now that the colab is underway, I can do more with this story. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wanted to make Sam as believable as possible.
2613391
It's all right. The longer I wait, the more I get excited about it.
You, sir, must continue writing this. You have my unwavering attention and I hope this is continued soon.
Liked it liked it a lot
There was so much fuzziness inside me that my heart popped! You convinced me. I want Fluttershy! It's been along time since I read something as adorable as this. Even though Fluttershy isn't real (and I pray she will be), I think I can relate, the adorable part that is. You just brightened my night, my friend, and I appreciate it.
And now, for some mistakes. I hope you don't mind.
It should end with a question mark. Maybe you had a typo or something.
I think you had another typo here.
That should do it!
Another great chapter.*raises wine glass* Well done.
Excellent! I am so happy to hear that all of you enjoyed it. I know it took a while, but I hope it was worth the wait.
2575867 Oh spirits. I had just gotten over that, and now... BAWWWWWW!!!
“Why did this happen to me Sam? Why did this happen to me?” She turned her head and buried her muzzle into the front of my shirt. POV switch? Or just wishful thinking?
2925763 Did I seriously... reply to my own comment and not even realize it until I looked at my inbox? *Snerk* Well...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is such a gaff! I should delete the comment, but I think I'll leave it up. LOL!
2927070
Ha ha ha, no, it isn't wishful thinking. It's a problem I have sometimes when I write where I unconsciously switch between first and third person view. I did it a lot this chapter and I thought I had caught all of them. I guess I missed one. Thanks for letting me know
I hope to God your story is successful. It's so full of feeling.
I LOVE THIS STORY
i wish could read more
good job mate keep up the good work
and your story is 20% cooler it my piece of S*** of a story
I'll pay you 120 bits to write more chapters of this outstanding story.
5882002
*sigh* I would except that my writing had gotten so rusty because I haven't written anything for such a long time, it would take quite a while until I felt it was back up to the standards I set for myself when I started this fic. But I'm glad you enjoyed what I have so far. Maybe someday I will get it finished. One day...
White Cloud
Very sweet so far
Well done. Better than my current stories I'm writing. sigh Being a one man team sucks. Can I get an Amen