• Member Since 18th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen May 26th, 2018


I think Fluttershy is the cutest and most adorable pony.


A story about one pony's love for Fluttershy, and his journey to winning her heart. Will he be able to win the pony of his dreams, or will his love be rejected?

Many many thanks to my friend Achaian for proofreading my stories and helping me work through my times of writers block. Without him, these stories would suffer greatly. Please check out his page and the stories that he has been working on.

I have to give mad props to my awesome friend Zonalar for the cover image! He does awesome work and you should all check out his Deviant art page here: Zonalar Deviant Art

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 93 )

Other than the giant paragraphs and the missing main character tag (I don't remember a gardener in the mane 6 or the CMC), I can't find anything negative to say about this. I think it is well written and it makes me want to read more even though I dislike 'OC x Mane 6' romance stories, and that is a good thing.
For a first story, pretty awesome :rainbowdetermined2:

Ah, maybe I tagged it wrong. But thank you! Also, the paragraph thing, I wasn't sure how to separate it out. To me, it felt like it all went together. But ig you have suggestions, I want to hear them.

2139955 Enjoying this story so far. Fluttershy is pretty much my favorite pony. I feel she has the most potential for stories out of all the mane 6. A few things though, the 2 shining sapphires line, the 2 should be two (I don't personally have a problem with that, but others might nitpick the hell out of this). Anypony is probably ok as one word or two words, that's probably debatable so it really doesn't matter if you change that. I can't wait to read more. :yay:

This romance is so sugar sweet. :pinkiesmile:
White Cloud and Fluttershy seem to be very nice match.

I hope there will be some bumps in their relationship in future as I like how insecure your OC is about his love.
It would be interesting to see him angst some more.

So far... very enjoyable read!

Thank you Jymydan! I'm very happy to hear you are enjoying it so far :D And as to bumps in the relationship, you will just have to see what happens ^_^

I'm not really into Slice of Life, but this one is really interesting. Keep up the good work:twilightsmile:

Thank you! I am glad you are enjoying it ^_^

Very well written, the pacing is very nice - better than mine at least. Your depiction of Fluttershy is spot on, but i wish there was a bit more to the main character. We know very little about who he is, his backstory, what kind of pony he is (earth/unicorn/pegasus), and even what color he is. Other than that, I think it's short and sweet, something I will surely re-read in the future.

Thank you! I am glad to see you are enjoying it! And as to more info about the main character White Cloud, you will learn more about him in a later chapter. Right now, we are just setting up for the main bulk of the story.

2165437 Another wonderful chapter, can't wait for more! MUSTACHES! :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

hee hee hee, thank you for the mustaches, and for the comment!

2165535 You're welcome. And thank you for a good Fluttershy story. At the moment she's tied with Pinkie Pie for my favorite pony. I have trouble choosing amongst the mane six because they all have good qualities. I haven't done any stories focusing on her yet, but I hope to change that soon.

This is just Heartwarming! Please do make more chapters! :D :scootangel:

It's sooooo cute and sweet!!!:heart:

White Cloud reminds me of myself and Fluttershy as my current girlfriend. We have the same feeling towards each other the first time we talked to each other - shy. The both of us aren't into making friends, but we felt safe when we were always together. After a few weeks, we began to have feelings for each other.

What happened with White Cloud and Fluttershy made me feel nostalgic. Just thinking about it fills my heart with fuzzies. I hope you make more chapters and keep the story alive.

You deserve a star and a thumbs up for making my day.

Thank you so much for the comment! I am very happy that my story was able to bring back those memories for you! This story is not over yet, and I am looking forward to writing more about the love story of Fluttershy and White Cloud ^_^


Ok, we both have feelings for each

Should be each other. Other than that, another wonderful chapter. This is why I love Fluttershy, she has a lot of potential for stories. I myself can be really really shy because I have a mild form of autism called Aspergers syndrome.My girlfriend and I said I love you to each other pretty much within a week or two of dating (although we'd been friends for well over a year before dating). And we have the extra challenge of being long distant (I live in US and she lives in the Philippines), but we still love each other very much. :pinkiesmile:

I kind of saw myself in this I am to afraid to talk to girls, I mean its easier said than done.


You're welcome. I'm sure a lot of people want to read more about this, even me, so I look forward to the chapters to come.

Aww :twilightsmile: such a sweet story deserves a star.
Continue the good work!

But I found Ponyville, and the people here accepted me

. If you don't wanna be redundant with all the pony talk, you could change it too residents. But I would imagine others being nitpicky of you using people.

“I finally couldn’t take it anymore.

Take out the quotation at the start of this sentence.

I never felt comfortable around those people, always talking like they were the only important ponies and none of the other ponies mattered.

I'd replace that with either ponies or rich types, or maybe even rich folk.

But besides those things, another wonderful chapter. I love White Cloud having a connection to Mr. Greenhooves. I hope Fluttershy is forgiving of him keeping his past a secret. This actually reminds me of a fic I'm reading that involves a stallion prince from a faraway land ending up in Ponyville, seriously injured, and ending up at Fluttershy's cottage. He has a much darker past though, as his family comes from a generation of evil tyrants who worshipped Nightmare Moon.

What a great chapter! Can't wait to read the rest of his backstory.


More Backstory! Hooray! Glad that there is beginning to be more character development on the main character, that was the one thing that really bothered me. Very well written story, with a few twists and turns that I would never have expected. Keep up the good work!

Thank you! I had always planned on writing it this way to kind of keep White Cloud's past a mystery until now. I am still trying to write chapter 8. but I hope to have it up some time this week.

Haha, can't wait! Funny, seems like every author writes more quickly - one I'm currently working on I've been working on since 2010, and I've only released 3 chapters.

Good chapter as always. You should have question marks at the end of the sentences where Golden Mane asking why White Cloud left. Other than that, very well done.

2225864 You seem very formal and polite. Admirable. :twilightsmile:

2225940 Oh, um, thanks. I'm just looking out for fellow writers. I'm glad when people point out my grammatical errors or spelling errors. And Fluttershy is my favorite because she's super cute and I feel has the most potential in terms of character growth.

Yet another day was made better after I read this. The story gets better as each chapter is written. I can't wait to read more of this. ^_^

2226009 Agreed! I enjoy Fluttershy above the rest. Well, have a pleasant day.

So now I wonder what makes White Cloud move back to Ponyville again. Another good chapter.

I know. And that is the question on every ponies mind right now. But you are just going to have to keep reading to find out :D

Story is gonna get a lot darker. Something sinister is brewing and I wanna see it!

Wait, where's Fluttershy?! Maybe snoozing right beside White Cloud. :raritywink:

OH MY!! :pinkiegasp: What could that evil bitch possibly want? My guess is, White Cloud's family wants him to marry her so that they can regain their wealth. So either White Cloud is still married OR Sapphire Desire is the reason White Cloud runs away from home again. OR a bigger twist, White Cloud's father never died and his entire family was in on it to get him home and get him to marry Sapphire Desire. Although I'd like to hope the latter is not the case, and I'm sure it isn't. And while I'm enjoying this backstory, I'm wanting to see more romance between White Cloud and Fluttershy because it's so darn cute. :yay: Still, another good chapter, and the dream sequence was well done. MUSTACHES! :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

The story is pretty nice so far, but there is one thing I noticed about your dialogue: it seems too contrived at some points.

“Well, I came over to your cottage because I wanted to talk with you. You ran away last night and I didn’t get the chance to talk with you about what we both said. So I wanted to do that today, but you weren’t there. I got worried about you, so I began to look for you. I was worried that you might be hurt, or worse, and that scared me. I was frantically looking for you in the forest. I desperately wanted to find you. To make sure you were all right. But I could not find you. And then when it began to rain, I found this cave and decided to sleep in here until the rain was over. But then I heard a noise and came to check it out, and I found you here.”

“About what I am feeling. I-I have never had these feelings before. Feelings for another pony. And they s-scare me. That is why I flew off. I-I couldn’t stand there looking at you. I had to run away. So I came into the forest to try and f-figure things out. And when it started raining, I found this cave. So I came in, found some wood and started a fire. I-I was exhausted from wandering around all night and today, and I just needed some sleep. And that’s when you came in. I’m s-sorry White Cloud. I know I shouldn’t have left you there, but I couldn’t help myself.”

These two paragraphs in particular give it the same tone as your narration. It doesn't sound natural to have the characters explain every little thing they did like that.

Perhaps you could revise this somehow. I suggest keeping the dialogue more simple.

I've yet to read the later chapters, so I am not sure if this will be of any use to you, but just in case, I'll throw this out there. Additionally, remember that this is only my own opinion. I do not intend for this to be taken as the word of God, I am not an expert on writing.

At any rate. The story is cute and heartwarming. It brings a smile to my face to read it. I shall continue reading very soon. Keep up the good work, Cloud.

She is where she is every day. She never leaves her room. All day, she just sits in her rocking chair and stares out the window.

That's so sad. That reminds me of when my grandfather passed away; my grandmother did the same thing.

What a sad chapter. :fluttercry: But at least White Cloud's mother spoke to him before passing and that the two forgave each other. I'm still speculating that Sapphire Desire convinces White Cloud to marry her so that his family can regain some respect in the community. Of course I'm just speculating, but it would make for some good drama if it turned out White Cloud was still technically married or something.

I once again paused the story as emotion threatened to take over. I don’t know if I can do it. This is so painful. Tears began to well up in my eyes as I thought about what I was about to tell Fluttershy. She looked concerned as she quickly got up and came to sit by me. I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer, and they began to roll down my face. Fluttershy put a hoof around my shoulders and pulled me into an embrace.

There she is! :yay:

Good chapter by the way. I'm really under the weather right now and I can't even get up from bed. It's so sad I read it on my mobile and cried masculine tears, making my pillow soaked.


This is cute ^_^

Although, possible typo when White Cloud says "It is a little hobby of mine that my mother taught to me when I was just a fowl." You mean foal, right?

Woah! So much emotions going on here!

White Cloud's feelings towards Sapphire Desire change kinda fast, and that's good. From depression, to newfound romance, to anger, and to guilt, every emotion after another goes by really quick. Deception really gives an atmosphere.

I'm still quite young and I think I had a similar episode before.

I'm running out of words now. All in all, this is a good chapter, no, a great chapter! I seriously can't wait for the next chapter!

Fluttershy is best cliffhanger! :yay:

What? What?! WHAT?!!! WUT!!!!
WHAT JUST HAPPEN?!!!:raritycry:

For those of you who read the author's note, I feel I must warn you: my writing style is a little darker than Cloud's, and certainly thicker. However, please don't let that discourage you.

And funnily enough, I think we have more enthusiasm than all of you combined for the upcoming collab. :twilightsmile: And if any of you are aspiring writers, I would be happy to at least go through what you've written and try to help you, barring necessary resources such as food and sleep and homework and sunlight. I like to say that before I was a mediocre storyteller, I was a brilliant analyst... and I think most would agree that that's only a slight exaggeration. :rainbowlaugh:

I'd like to just point out a mistake here. Just remember the perspective you're writing in. Golden Mane turned round in the opposite direction to where White Cloud is, yet White Cloud mentioned that she spoke through gritted teeth even though he couldn't possibly know whether or not she did exactly that. Just keep that in mind. You're not the all seeing eye when you're confined into a single character of a story. You have to think like that character. You have to think what that character can and cannot see.


Ok, I appreciate the comment, but if you really think about it there is a distinct change of voice when speaking regularly and when your teeth are together. It does make sense that he would know the difference as well. So it works the way that I have it written.

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