• Member Since 15th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 27th, 2023

Ephemurai


I am an aspiring artist and want to get into 3D animation. I write in my free time.

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Source

One night in her bed, the next morning in some land meant only to exist in stories. Fluttershy must now traverse the human realm, searching for her way back home. Her only help? A nearly broke, depressed artist.

*Not sure where exactly i'm going with this story, so it may be a while before it updates with the next chapter, but i hope you enjoy.
*More tags may be added as i continue.
*Art by the amazing MysticAlpha on Deviantart

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

Ho hum, I predict terrible, self-insert, wish-fulfillment PoE...
...but I'll read anyway, because I like Fluttershy, and your cover art made me squee. :heart: :rainbowdetermined2:

...not bad. :trixieshiftright: Reads reasonably well, i.e. not in desperate need of an editor. :pinkiesmile: I did note one incongruity, in that nothing is said about it when Keith says he's a human, but then later Flutters says humans are a 'campfire story'. She should have shown/voiced some recognition when he tells her what he is. Could use proofreading, some typos and stuff.

Story is sweet, though a little heavy on the sob stories. :ajbemused: I'd say he seems rather too eager to skip out on Earth, but I guess that would be disingenuous, since I'd personally GTFO even if it was horrifying (but friendly) tentacle monsters instead of ponies. This planet is gross. Still though, Keith's sister is in Paris, therefore he doesn't care about her? Hope he at least gives her a call before/if/when he skips town/planet/universe.

Shipping detected? :unsuresweetie: I approve, if it's done right. :raritywink: By which I mean I'd want at least another 30-40 kwords before/if anything truly romantic/intimate/kinky happens. And don't turn him into a goddamn pony, I hate that superficial crap.

Anyway, sorry to rant and ramble, I'm sleep deprived. I would read more, if you write more, :moustache: though you say you have no plan, so I hope you do some thinking, planning, and outlining before you do much more.

I thought the story was beautifully done, with the small exception of Kieth's sob story, it went a little too far and didn't sound realistic because nobody has a life that is terrible all the way through (trust me on this one, I know what I'm talking about). I suggest you put in a brighter side to his past that makes his tragic life more balanced and believable, like by adding an art teacher who was supportive or something similar, but other than that don't change a thing. I like where this is going already and I'm eager to read more.

This is pretty good. Again, as others have said, the sob story was the weakest point- characters who are used to make the reader sympathetic are so overused, just saying, even if you did mean to do it with Fluttershy as the other character because she would be the kindest pony and the one to give him the most support. And also again, if you changed the sob story and made it happier, or give it some actual positive points, it would be a lot more believeable.

Besides that, though, it's really good. Update again soon, at least, as soon as you can.

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Thank you, you three for your comments. hehe, i guess i kinda did overdo the sob story, :twilightblush: and i'll work on making it a little more believable, whether that's editing the first chapter or adding in some more detail in the coming chapters. I take criticism very seriously and i'll do my best to please all.

2130243 Well, that's good. It's shaping up to be very interesting, though, even with its flaws. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

2130243 I wouldn't try to please everyone. When you do that you normally end up pleasing no one. Just do what you feel is right and try making it the way you want while taking in the advice and thinking how you can make it flow better. Writing is a learning experience and you often get better as you go. Starting off this good means that you have a natural talent, dont fight it, let it come to you.:twilightsmile:

I wasn't sure about this at first, but this is actually pretty good! I also agree with everyone else about the sob stories but i'm still interested to see where Keith and fluttershys relationship goes. Enjoying how the story is so far so I also want to see where that goes aswell.

Gonna go out on a limb and guess this isn't updating any time soon. It's a shame because it looked like it was a good one, Fluttershy doesn't get a GOOD Pony on Earth story alone often, or at least not that I know of. So is this story dead or not? I don't mean to sound selfish or anything and I certainly hope nothing bad has happened IRL to prevent you from writing, but it would be a real shame if it is dead because I read it when it was first posted and I though it had potential to become a really good Fic. Please let me know, thanks.

2919644 Ok, so only AFTER posting my previous comment did I go to your profile and find out that you DO in fact have a reason to not be updating your story, now I feel like an ass. :facehoof:

Sorry, I'll be patient. :twilightsheepish:

2919697 It's quite alright, and i apologize for not answering sooner. I do have some material written for the continuing of the story, but as you found out, this story will not be updating soon, and i'm sorry to say it will be a while. I do however have full plans for this story and it's not dead. Thank you for your interest in the story though.

2958292 Ah you have no reason to apologize, you have real life stuff to do. It will be worth the wait I'm sure. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Wiz Ahmad deleted Dec 17th, 2016

Good run. But sorry viewers, this fanfic is dead as a crushed rat on a NYC city backstreet.

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