Leonard Schreiter only wanted to go camping. Now, he's in what has to be an alternate dimension populated by pastel-coloured ponies. He's never been an introspective man, but he will have to learn a lot about himself in order to make a place for himself in Equestria. Hopefully, he will meet the right people/ponies/creatures to help him find acceptance in this strange, new world.
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Not bad. As you posted in your blog, this has quite a different feel than your other stories, but it works.
It seems a little odd that Sweetie would refer to Mac as Applejack's brother when Applebloom was walking through the forest with them. Not a major issue, just something that jumped out at me.
this is off to a good start
I like this. This is a thing that I like.
There is something different about his story from the usual HIE tale........I like it! Thumbs up and waiting for more well written adventures.
2291382 Oh, thanks for pointing that out. It should read Applebloom's brother.
2292348 I'm glad you like it. HiE stories seem to always have a protagonist who shows up highly skilled to a warm welcome, or is vilified and nearly chased out of town. I'm trying to find a middle ground, where he's got some skills he can put to good use (and always carries a pocket knife, seriously, so many HiE plot points would be null if the characters had a three inch pocket knife on them) and some friends to rely on, but I'm not going to make it easy for Len.
2294218 Ya, I've had that conversation in my head, waiting to be put into a story for a while now. I grew up in the country, so I know enough about horse anatomy to know the how and why stallions don't need to hide their business with clothes in a children's show.
I also agree with you that the story might be moving a little fast, concerning his adjustment to being in Equestria. I was hoping that him being in an obviously magical forest for three weeks would imply that he's done some adjusting on his own, but I can understand why that might not be enough. I'm planning on exploring his adjusting to an alternate dimension of talking ponies much further in the coming chapters. He's kind of in shock at the moment, and just wants to have a shower and sleep indoors for a night. He can deal with the talking horses tomorrow.
This is amazing. If this updates quick, it'll probably even boost itself up to my top five favorites.
On a similar note, I would pay to hear the Cutie Mark Crusaders and some Gruff Dude singing Tooth Brush in the Woods.
2296294 I can't write scripted jokes, so I'm hoping a I can pull off some situational comedy. I'm glad you're enjoying it!
This is great! Can't wait for more.
God freaking damnit all!!! Why does NO ONE in ANY fic EVER freaking hurt the damn rabbit Angel Bunny?!!?!? Was there some unspoken rule out there that said "Okay, you can make Celestia into a tyrant, Pinkie Pie makes cupcakes using blood, oc villains that slaughter innocent ponies left and right, futa clopfics galore, but make sure no one writes a story where Angel Bunny gets what he deserves. Is that clear?!" *all fanfic writers - "Yes sir."*
Am I the only one out there that actually hates how vile and spoiled and nasty and downright ABUSIVE that rabbit is? ARRGGGHHHH!!!!!
*nerd rage ends here*
Not a bad start for a story. Seems a little rushed but other than that I like this. Especially adding uncommon elements to the story which few other writers ever do: guns are brought up or someone who's good at them, the main character is actually given a name, is not an idiot or impulsive out of control emo bitch, possible awesome redneck badassery, main character can hold his own without either being weak and lucky or being over powered, and other things etc.
2294279
Yes, good. I like that. Not wasting time and chapters of him wandering around the forest for 3 weeks and he's already starting to get the hang of it, just needs to start adjusting from manticores to pony town hehe.
Decent start, thanks, keep up the good work! :D
2301546 I was honestly this close to having him eat Angel, but then I realized that I wouldn't be able to do that and not make the story about making it up to Fluttershy. I do hate that damn rabbit, and I will have some fun with that, but killing him would put too many restrictions on the story direction, especially for a comedy.
In terms of luck, he's basically a Fallout character with 1 in that stat: he's not getting any help from random chance.Seriously, I've used Luck as a dump stat one time then Charisma another, and the difference in combat was absurd. Those extra little chances for critical hits add up really quickly. The only things he has to rely on are his own skills and the good will of Ponyville.
I'm glad you're enjoying it! I'm done most of my school work for the term tonight, so I'm hoping to get most of the next chapter done this weekend.
2301546
I think Angel would be rather hard to damage, In the story"Black night in equestria" The black night Couldn't land a strike on him.
A glorious tale! Just a few more chapters to confirm, and it will become one of my favourite stories.
2302618 I'm honoured! This is my first foray into comedy, so I'll do my best not to disappoint! Any criticisms or suggestions?
Great fic so far, love the main human characters personality.
2307737 I'm glad you like it. I'm writing the second chapter right now, but it's slow going. I spent two hours just getting a start to it that didn't bog down the story in pointless dialogue lacking any conflict.
2302805
I love the way he is an average guy, and not some loaded buff guy. Lots of fics I know have that.
I'm not good at suggestions, but it was quite the wall of text.
2319332 You know what? You're right! I'm going to cut the next chapter down to the first major scene, finish editing it, and post it tonight. That way it ends with a nice cliffhanger, all thanks to you!
great chapter
though it needs to be more ''spaced'' i think it's called.
and you should totally include the hoofball scene
2320717 "Spaced?" I have no idea what you're talking about.
2320719 it's like a wall of text.
2320766 I'm sorry, but I'm still not sure what you mean. The text is double-spaced, if that's what you're referring to.
2320766 Nevermind, I think I figured it out. I added an extra space between paragraphs.
You say football...do you mean grid-iron(American), European(soccer), gaelic, Aussie rules, rugby union or rugby league?
We play and support all of them here in Australia.
2320865 Good question. Rarity's dad has three American Footballs as a cutie mark, so it's American football.
2320871 Not as good as rugby league, but should make for an interesting chapter.
2320910 This is true. Unfortunately, I am bound by the cannon character. He is very much a midwestern American, football loving dad.
2320719 it means (i think) the story needs abit more detail to it. also seems abit short but that's fine
Well, if anyone thinks that the name Magnum is out of place, just remind them that magnum is a type of hops.
2321044 That fact is 100% relevant.
Nice Angel handling, that was inspired.
I wouldn't play up Fluttershy being scared of Len because of the meat eating too much, after all we've seen her feed fish to some of her critters in the show.
2321044 Hell, if anyone thinks Magnum is out of place, just remind them that Dash wanted a pet as fast as a bullet and that she named her eventual pet tortoise Tank.
2321083 Thank you sir. A good piece of advice, and one I intend to follow through on. Fluttershy's discomfort with him had more to do with her general level of shyness, and the fact that he's a talking, sentient creature than consumes meat. That's going to put most ponies off, and for a little while at least, that's going to put her off a little bit more than the average pony. I'll say no more, to prevent spoilers.
2321107 Sounds good.
2320717
Fugly Duckling, we meet again... *narrows eyes*
2321308 Woah there gents, I don't need to bring Mac in, do I?
yessss. new chapter?
new chapter?!
lol! "Mexicoltan"!!!
Gotta love the whole "guy thing" scene.
2323142 I'm glad you liked it!
2320812 oh right 'paragraphs' sorry english isn't my main language so i forget sometimes
2321308 i was trying to avoid you
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9241-derpysad.png
2320519
I feel so special! I influenced a fic somehow!
2323498 No worries my friend, it all came out right in the end.
2323825 You are special!
2376364 I wish I had known about this beforehand so I could have purposefully referenced it. You should have seen my face when I clicked play.
Update?
2409798 Exams. Sorry for the delay, but life. The story's still going on, though, don't worry.