A New Universe, A Misunderstanding and Orientation Day (Modded 3/26/13)
"Where the hell am I!" The boy exclaimed as he jumped from the marble floor. He turned to see two figures, one black and one white.
They seemed to be animals, yet they were in the shape of a human. They were around 8 feet tall and were wearing wearing crowns and armor. They're probably royalty the boy thought. The white figure and eyes that seem to glow as bright as the sun, demanding respect while showing it. Her hair seemed to be in a constant flowing rainbow. Her kind smile seemed like it could calm a manticore. The other was as blue as the night sky. Her eyes showed glimpses of sorrow and heartache, but also showed the ability and mentality to push through it all. Her hair seemed to be a constant flowing night sky, as if it was her element. On the white figures shoulder blade was a piece of armor with a sun and on the same area of the darker figure was a moon.
The black and white figures were looking at the thing in front of them. It wore a white jacket with black outlines on the shoulders, the hood was covering his head and the fake, thin fur that was on the inside hid is eyes, his hair and almost all of his face and he had on blue jeans that were torn and frayed. He was looking around frantically trying to find something that he recognized. After realizing that it was no use, he decided to ask them what was going on.
"Who are you and where am I?" The boy asked in a confused and fast tone. Clearly more agitated and impatient than scared.
The black figure laughed at his tone while the white one gave a caring and motherly expression. After the black figures 5 minute fit of laughter, it calmed down. The white figure began to speak.
"I am Princess Celestia and the ball of idiotic laughter over there is Princess Luna." Celestia said with a giggle. Luna shot a glare at her which sent Princess Celestia into a fit of laughs.
"Ok but that doesn't explain where I am." The boy replied
"Oh right.....sorry, you're in Equestria.....Now I would like to ask you a few questions."
"Shoot away"
"Ok then, What are you, whats your name and where did you come from, and how are you so calm with being taken to another world and you wont be able to see your family again?" Celestia asked quickly.
"Um.....Ok....I'm Andrew, My species are called humans, and I came from a planet called Earth, the reason I'm calm is that I haven't had a family for a bit longer than a year, my mother committed suicide and my dad threw me on the streets a few months after while yelling that it was my fault. After something like that you either break down and kill yourself or you keep moving without looking back and become void of most emotions. So I didn't really lose that much by coming here. I mean all I had was an iPod and its charger, and an acoustic guitar. I lived in a car that I had hot-wired." Andrew replied drily.
"I'm sorry for everything you've had to go through, you've clearly been through a lot more than most at your age. It seems that you were pulled from another universe entirely, since there's no 'Earth' in our solar system." Celestia replied.
"Well shit...... wait how did I end up in another universe anyway?" Andrew asked. Luna smiled sheepishly as she began to speak. " My sister put me in charge of teleporting the candidates for our most prestigous highschool, Lunar Solaris Academy or LSA for short, I was exhausted from raising the moon and tried to use a fire ruby to amplify the magic.....and I lost control"
"I'm sorry what?"
"I said I lost control OK!"
"So you're telling me that because you lost control of a spell that was supposed to bring foreign students to a highschool, it went as far as another fucking universe to find people?" Andrew asked angrily.
" Um....Yes." Luna answered. Andrew proceeded to bang his head on a wall.
"Why are you doing that?!" Celestia exclaimed. "I'm confused and agitated, I'm not sure if I should be glad I'm in a kinder universe or pissed off because I got pulled from mine for something like a foreign exchange program!" Andrew said angrily.
"Why would you be mad about a foreign exchange program?" Luna asked curiously. "Because I'm here just for the fact that you....." "Ponies." Celestia Interrupted. "ponies were impatient for something as simple as a fucking foreign exchange program. The even bigger irony was that I had just been accepted into a high school before this happened." Andrew said back.
Celestia and Lunas eyes lit up at the end of his statement.
"What?" Andrew asked nervously
"You can go to school here!" they exclaimed.
"Wait What?" The human asked in a dumbfounded tone.
"We'll get your papers ready so you can get ready the first semester starts in two days."
"Wait what?!" he exclaimed.
"Oh we know you'll just enjoy it!" The Princesses yelled as they ran galloped.
"What the hell did I just get myself into..." Andrew said to himself. He realized that he was never given a room to sleep in. He decided to just sleep in a corner of the throne room he had appeared in.
~The Next Day~
"Holy Shit!" Andrew yelled as he ran away from the guards.
"Stay where you are! Halt Dammit!" yelled the unicorn guards that were chasing Andrew.
"Like hell you bastards!" Andrew screamed back as he ducked right before a magic bolt struck the pillar. In a total of five seconds the pillar that had been hit was turned to rubble.
"Oh shit, why are you trying to kill me!" Andrew cried as he ran.
"You were found in the throne room sleeping, you're obviously an assassin." A guard in slightly different armor said.
"Really?!, what kind of retard assassin sleeps in enemy territory! I'm just a fifteen year old boy who got pulled from his universe because some Alicorn decided it would be a good idea to use a friggen fire ruby to amplify the power!" Yelled Andrew as he kept running as another 12 bolts missed him.
God damn where did they train, Stormtrooper school Andrew thought. For some reason, the magic bolts had stopped and so had the noise of clopping hooves. As soon as Andrew turned around he saw the unicorns being held by a white magic field, the second thing he noticed was a very pissed Celestia.
"HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO A GUEST!" She roared, causing the guards to cower in fear.
"Celestia calm down!" Andrew yelled causing the princess to stop in her tracks.
"Why should I calm down, they tried to kill you for no reason!" She exclaimed.
"Um they chased me because they weren't notified about my existence and they found me in the throne room asleep. My vibe gave off assassin no matter how you look at it, so you can't hurt them for a blunder on your part." Andrew said, leaving the Princess shocked and ashamed.
"Oh my, I'm so sorry, how could I have forgotten that!" Celestia said in a somewhat saddened voice.
"Eh, whatever, it happened and it can't be changed, oh by the way did you guys get the papers together?" Andrew asked.
Celestia was looking at him in shock.
"Yes they're completed. How can you just forgive the fact that a mistake I made could've gotten you killed." She asked in a surprised voice.
"Because I'm not dead and that's all i really care about, you didn't get me killed, so no harm no foul." The human said while walking away.
"Wait isn't there some kind of orientation before it starts, I mean it's an academy right?" Andrew asked.
"Yes and it starts at 10:30 today and the school actually will start tomorrow." Luna said as she walked over.
"Oh shit!" He yelled as he ran back to the throne room to get a bag from
"Whats wrong?" Luna and Celestia asked as the human quickly started to run out of the throne room.
"It's 10:15!" He yelled.
The Princesses turned at the clock and realized that he was right. They gave him his papers and explained that one of them told the interviewers the situation, One was about his name, age, sex, allergies, species, parents or guardian which led to him telling him his parents were dead and ended up getting him adopted almost instantly, and the last paper was a recommendation from the princesses themselves.
"Give them the recommendation letter first and than the one about your situation, your information is stapled with the situational papers." Celestia said.
"Thanks for the help, see you soon!" He yelled as he ran off towards the school. "This is gonna be a photo finish!" He said as he was hit with a flash of white light and disappeared.
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Hmmm I am curios to where this will go so I guess I will follow it for now
The Idea in this Story is just BRILLIANT!
But the start ist to fast.
First day, he comes to Equestria and the next Day he is sending to School? And what about his Parents? And where will he staying so long he is in this World?
Personally I believe if you are going to go to an area like Anthro Ponies and you want people to like it then you need to flesh out your story a bit more and make it a little bigger.
Your story isn't bad but I personally find the idea of Anthro ponies wear on me like a bad case of the heebie jeebies especially with that ("cannon" spoiler) Equestria Girls show coming up. I would have been much more interested if your story was bigger than 1,000 chapters, and not as rushed.
Hey! That only happened twice! And could've been on better terms.
Not to be an ass or anything but you might wanna get a proofreader just in case. Sadly I'm not a proofreader for I am an Aussie with a rifle and jarate. Go look up the group, I'm sure they'll be glad to help.
Extremely OOC pictures of the princesses
Way to fast projection of the storyline
Odd behavior of a 15 year old kid who has just been taken from his home universe
Brilliant idea
Fun OC human
Extreme potential
To put this simple. You are one proofreader/editor from perfection
The story is non canon, I'm going to go through it and lengthen it and stretch it out more, It was rushed because I started writing it at like 3 am. 3 am and ADD do not mix. Thanks for the comments and advice
This is awesome. I'm laughing my ass off, this is one of the funniest, most interesting stories I've read for a long time.
I'm interested, but you gotta slow down.
Ok, time for some constructive criticism
1.) slow the fuck down son. Take time to develop your charecters and story.
2.) the charecters are not reacting realistily at all. I do not think anyone would ever have any of the reactions to any of the situations that you laid out here. Try to think about how people actually act.
3.) Wat. You need to explain so much more than you did, half the time I had NO idea what was happening. For example, I am fairly sure no one mentioned a fire ruby and how Did Andrew know they were called Alicorns?
4.) transitions
"Hi" said Mary "hi to you too" said bob "how are you" "I am good" then they both exploded and Rachel said "oh nooo...."
See how awkward that is to read?
That is what it was like for me to read your fic. :(
All in all I sort of like the concept but it needs a LOT of work, I honestly thought it was a troll fic the first read through. But if you fix these things I definitely think it has potential
2315899 God damnit. I knew I forgot about a few parts I just couldn't remember what! Yeah It's awkward to read thanks for telling me that. Im trying to slow it down before publishing the next chapter. I need to get rid of the she and he saids so thanks for reminding me on that.
Thanks for your criticism.
2317226
not a problem, you may want to think about getting a pre-reader before you release your next chapter though, it will definitely help weed out some of the bigger mistakes
Hmm. The pace of this chapter reminds me of Sonic.
Gotta go fast!
Well anyways, boop.
2322391 I just facepalmed. With a wall. Covered In thorn bushes. It's still not enough
Hmmm... Get some of that fancy barbed wire. Might help.
2319059 I have a long running issue with pre readers which leads to my stories dead ending or my story literally getting stolen by someone else, so I would rather edit myself so I'm just lengthening the time for every chapter to come out. Its happened around 7 times.
2322966
ouch, good luck with that man
potential, she is abound! but alas the story moves too fast. Try being more descriptive as they are talking.
2333290 I'm working on it already I'm adding more bit by bit HA MONEY REFERENCE
2489890 laughs evilly.
so when is the next update i remember you a second chapter but it looks like you deleted it and thats all i have to say
2619682 It was a sneak peek so I unpublished it and Im changing it a bit and im trying to get it above 2.3k words
This story interest me
this concept intrigues me.
a bit fast paced but am looking forward to the next chapter.
i like the premise and anthro is kinda awesome in my eyes so you got my full support. also cant wait to see who adopted him, and just a little constructive criticism you should- do 1 chapter for everyone of andrews school days just sayin... unless the days are uneventful which you should skip those.