A boy is taken from Earth by accident due to Lunas carelessness and impatience for the beginning of a foreign highschool exchange program. The boy wakes up in Equestria completely confused. What will become of the young 15 year old Andrew.
Set in a world where MLP doesn't exist
Some tags are on for later chapters
Ponys are anthro. Deal with it. Dont dislike the story because you don't like the concept. Give the story a chance please.
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Hmmm I am curios to where this will go so I guess I will follow it for now
The Idea in this Story is just BRILLIANT!
But the start ist to fast.
First day, he comes to Equestria and the next Day he is sending to School? And what about his Parents? And where will he staying so long he is in this World?
Personally I believe if you are going to go to an area like Anthro Ponies and you want people to like it then you need to flesh out your story a bit more and make it a little bigger.
Your story isn't bad but I personally find the idea of Anthro ponies wear on me like a bad case of the heebie jeebies especially with that ("cannon" spoiler) Equestria Girls show coming up. I would have been much more interested if your story was bigger than 1,000 chapters, and not as rushed.
Hey! That only happened twice! And could've been on better terms.
Not to be an ass or anything but you might wanna get a proofreader just in case. Sadly I'm not a proofreader for I am an Aussie with a rifle and jarate. Go look up the group, I'm sure they'll be glad to help.
Extremely OOC pictures of the princesses
Way to fast projection of the storyline
Odd behavior of a 15 year old kid who has just been taken from his home universe
Brilliant idea
Fun OC human
Extreme potential
To put this simple. You are one proofreader/editor from perfection
The story is non canon, I'm going to go through it and lengthen it and stretch it out more, It was rushed because I started writing it at like 3 am. 3 am and ADD do not mix. Thanks for the comments and advice
This is awesome. I'm laughing my ass off, this is one of the funniest, most interesting stories I've read for a long time.
I'm interested, but you gotta slow down.
Ok, time for some constructive criticism
1.) slow the fuck down son. Take time to develop your charecters and story.
2.) the charecters are not reacting realistily at all. I do not think anyone would ever have any of the reactions to any of the situations that you laid out here. Try to think about how people actually act.
3.) Wat. You need to explain so much more than you did, half the time I had NO idea what was happening. For example, I am fairly sure no one mentioned a fire ruby and how Did Andrew know they were called Alicorns?
4.) transitions
"Hi" said Mary "hi to you too" said bob "how are you" "I am good" then they both exploded and Rachel said "oh nooo...."
See how awkward that is to read?
That is what it was like for me to read your fic. :(
All in all I sort of like the concept but it needs a LOT of work, I honestly thought it was a troll fic the first read through. But if you fix these things I definitely think it has potential
2315899 God damnit. I knew I forgot about a few parts I just couldn't remember what! Yeah It's awkward to read thanks for telling me that. Im trying to slow it down before publishing the next chapter. I need to get rid of the she and he saids so thanks for reminding me on that.
Thanks for your criticism.
2317226
not a problem, you may want to think about getting a pre-reader before you release your next chapter though, it will definitely help weed out some of the bigger mistakes
Hmm. The pace of this chapter reminds me of Sonic.
Gotta go fast!
Well anyways, boop.
2322391 I just facepalmed. With a wall. Covered In thorn bushes. It's still not enough
Hmmm... Get some of that fancy barbed wire. Might help.
2319059 I have a long running issue with pre readers which leads to my stories dead ending or my story literally getting stolen by someone else, so I would rather edit myself so I'm just lengthening the time for every chapter to come out. Its happened around 7 times.
2322966
ouch, good luck with that man
potential, she is abound! but alas the story moves too fast. Try being more descriptive as they are talking.
2333290 I'm working on it already I'm adding more bit by bit HA MONEY REFERENCE
Nooo! D: need more please! *puppy dog eyes*
2489624 Sorry I'm into cliffhanging the crap out of people :D
He's got a pretty short fuse if he gets violent that easily... you think he'd try a more rational approach first. I mean, it's their princess that got him there.
2489714 The whole flipping out at the word freak will be explained in the completed version
And boy do I plan on throwing you all for a loop
2489647 it's okay... You monster...
2489742 A monster would introduce the mommy deer in Bambis death to their story with the full trauma ggoing on Fluttershy, I'm just an ass
2489747 That's pretty detailed... :L
does this have clopping in it
post a new chapter soon please
2490498 Not for a very long time
Everytime I see a comment I get a mini heart attack because I think that Im gonna find that one jerk that just wants to piss someone else off by bagging on their story. Thank goodness its just constructive criticism
2490955 k just had to ask cuz i have 2 little kids at my house and i cant read those types of stories with them here
2490975 None of it really happens its mainly just like implied but not in actual detail.
when did shining turn into such a jerk? also does this guy have that marty mcfly type trigger word thing?
2491375 Over protective would probably be better term. His sister goes to the school so some wierd being, being there could cause problems which is why I made him out to be like that. Besides I wanted to choose someone with reason to fight and I could only think Blueblood and Shining Armour. Blueblood isnt much of a fighter as much a whiny wimp that would get floored in 5 seconds
in the immortal words of ryback FEED ME MORE
Just got back from my fight with writers block! Now lets see if i can kick this thing back into shape
2489890 laughs evilly.
so when is the next update i remember you a second chapter but it looks like you deleted it and thats all i have to say
2619682 It was a sneak peek so I unpublished it and Im changing it a bit and im trying to get it above 2.3k words
This story interest me
this concept intrigues me.
a bit fast paced but am looking forward to the next chapter.
i like the premise and anthro is kinda awesome in my eyes so you got my full support. also cant wait to see who adopted him, and just a little constructive criticism you should- do 1 chapter for everyone of andrews school days just sayin... unless the days are uneventful which you should skip those.