Shining Armor finds Twilight's secret diary and he doesn't read it... for about 5 seconds.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Poor Shiney D:
Awesome read! I hope some Shi-Twi appears in the next chapter! :3
Oh... So that's why he didn't tell me about the wedding!
2561866
Twining Armor? Erm... Not quite sure if I'm a fan of that particular 'ship. Incest or twincest is kinda off-limits in my book. But, that's just me.
We'll assume that is meant to be wings, great chapter though.
2562038 Fixed. Thx for the catch.
2562035 How about Princest?
newyork.seriouseats.com/images/20110609-155437-prince-st-sign.jpg
2562293
For eat-out? Certainly.
Forgot a "to".
"fueled"
And Twilight has no idea how her little research project completely fucked up her brother. She probably just let it fall to the wayside as well.
Gah! You're pacing is excellent, as evidenced by the fact that I really want this to come to a head (so much pun) but I'm not skipping a single sentence. Bravo!
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
2562035
See, I sort of like this the way it is. If his feelings were returned it would just sort of... Become creepy. But as it is it's sort of a hilarious comedy of misunderstandings with an unrequited, emphasis on unrequited, love that can never be because of society etc.
I watched him sleep in bed at night.
It's not... Creepy.
Damn, the guy's got it baaaaad.
Good luck, Shining.... I think you're gonna need it when this all comes to a head. (Please excuse the pun. )
I like this. I came in expecting to find either Shiny being a generic creeper, or everything going ridiculously according to plan. No offense, but that's how the concept is usually handled. This has actual plot (don't even start) and pacing, and far more character development than most writers would give the topic. I am impressed.
I like Sandman too, but title bothers me a bit.,There were no preludes or nocturnes in the chapter. It sounds real artsy, but what has it got to do with the actual chapter?
So some thoughts. First off, you took your time well with the time skip, but it was a bit confusing in the beginning. I was half-expecting you to do another one when the book club meeting was cut at such an awkward point. Also, a scene where Shiny jerks off in a toilet while thinking about Twily and hating himself for it? Now where have I heard that one before... All in all a vast improvement to the early chapter. Your style and confidence with this story shows nicely, and you've added some very nice humour and puns into the story. ('highway to the danger-bone'. Was that one of your's or a copy? Really liked that one). The way you used slice-of-life was cute, and the book-club was a nice addition and still helped the story to move forward.
The sex scene was a bit on the short side, but pretty sweet. I found Shiny's emotions and thoughts mostly realistic. Really had a problem with Cady's dialogue, thought. She was a bit too direct about her emotions, almost explaining her inner thoughts out loud for the reader, which felt a bit like underestimating your leaders. She already asked if he'd eaten something that'd gone off, so her assing that "it's because I care." felt forced. If it had been Shiny downplaying her fussing with "It's fine, really. Stop fussing." and Cady replying "I can fuss about somepony I care about" would have felt more natural. Well, nitpicks and all.
Nitpicks!
Didn't you mention Shiny jerked off with his magic because it was so much easier?
If Shiny and Cady have a public relationship, then why does it surprised Twily so much when she finds out they are getting married?
Typos!
something to prove.
opening
They
you're
see ya, Twilie
Yeah. A bit chaotic commentary. Forgive me for that. And hope you don't think this was just for me to whine, I really liked the chapter. It's just that the Devil's in the details, and those are the ones that really pop out for me.
I could give or take the more sexy stuff but all and all this is a pretty good read. I will agree with the previous comment about Cadence's dialogue though. I mean she is supposed to be an at least semi-accomplished courtier but she still kind of just lays it all out there. Maybe it's a love thing?
Also, unless this has some kind of cheery "Lets all be in happy three-way for the rest of our lives." ending, I won't be able to help like feeling this is a prequel to that other story of yours.
2562014
My thoughts exactly when I read that part
2562035
So um...I don't mean to pry, but then why are you reading this? I mean, even I can tell that come a couple of chapters there's going to be a threesome.
2564187
Cos I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like it! It's the exception to the rule.
This one was VERY good keep it up... Cus your awsome
Don't you dare stop writing this story, the way you have done things is so good its mind blowing
sooooo.... next chapter would be another time skip to the royal wedding? that's got to be an amazing chapter, imagine the conflict on Shinning head when Twilight begins to speak his disapproval for the wedding
2563200 The title was meant because it is the day before the return of nightmare moon. Also, thanks for your help. I really appreciate it. Also, I just came up with 'highway to the danger-bone' on the spot if you'll believe it.
EDITED. Also, for this, it's not so much that they have a 'public' relationship. It's more like 'widely rumored'. Also, Twilight is oblivious to it because she is so insular, and not really paying attention to the social scene around her. She isn't even aware for what reason he has to read the book. He keeps it purposely vague. One could equally ask how she knew nothing of them dating and getting engaged in the show as well. I'd stand by the same reason.
2563476 Not a prequel. Totally different story. Also, no Tragedy tag.
2565081 Spoilers! Shh.
2564187 Oh, you are going to be in for a surprise then.
"They'd steal away every chance they could, to the backroom, the alley, or the trusty woods. He used her and she used him, but neither one cared. They were getting their share." Seriously? Had to LMAO at Bob Segar's "Night Moves".. Other then that the story's going good so far..
Wow! So well written! Some errors, but other than that it's an absolute masterpiece! Nothing less from 2562293!
I feel like I should say that thus far, I have been rather enjoying the story, however, it must be said that once I finished the third chapter, I had to take a LONG and COLD shower, I mean, I review and read clop for enjoyment (though most of it is boring and poorly written as hell, and the clop is only added to the story to appeal to a larger audience), and all that, but wow, I felt really... dirty, for a lack of a better word, after finishing the chapter. Now I'm not saying that the story is bad, quite the opposite, it's very enjoyable, and found myself laughing out loud. But once I got around to the fourth chapter, I had to stop half way through reading it, take a breather, play some Dark Souls, finish the chapter, and take a VERY LONG and VERY COLD shower, which only served to make the story all the more enjoyable. I mean this as I have always considered MLP to be one of my more taboo hobbies and interests, a guilty pleasure in essence, but it is a rare occurrence for me to find a story give me the same tingly feeling (the bliss of a guilty pleasure) that I got when I first started liking MLP. So to summarize what I just said, this story is one hell of a guilty pleasure, and I look forward to reading the rest of the story.
Im starting understand this story..... And. I . Love. It!!
Great chapter Looking forward to reading the next one
Very clever closing sentence in this chapter.
Okay, this is actually pretty good. For a while, I was worried the scene with Shining in bed with Twilight was going to end up with uncalled for sex. To me, that would've just seemed unrealistic. I can't tell you how many fics I've read where Shining has no problem just doing Twilight as a filly. I immediately stop there, because 1) that's gross, 2) I'm not into foalcon, and 3) it's not how a protective older brother would act. Bravo, good sir.
2565560
I'm pretty sure I recall another, much less gradual fic, about a Twidence Armor threesome. Something about Twilight and Shining sharing a rare and innocent love of each other and just loving the feeling of making each other feel good rather than any actual lust. That and Cadence was a bit of a pervert. Something tells me this won't play out much like that however.
Winter solstace is the shortest night of the year
Summer solstice is the longest night of the year.
Summer sun celebration is on summer solstice.
Remember "longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape"
2584514
You've got your first two statements there mixed up. The summer solstice is always on the longest day of the year and the winter solstice is always on the shortest day of the year. In relation to the northern hemisphere, the solstices are inverted in the southern hemisphere just like the seasons. What you said would only work if Equestria were in the Land of Oz (i.e. Australia) in which case everything would be poisonous, odd, or sheep.
2584514 If it's the longest day of the thousandth year wouldn't that then be the shortest night? Now... I COULD be wrong but I'm pretty sure the nights get shorter during the summer...
2586698
Thats because i derped when i was typing.
2587168 ...touché...
2580693 You are thinking of Complicated Relations, another favorite of mine. And no, this does not lead into that story.
...REALLY? "Night Moves" by Bob Seger? REALLY? All the freaking song refs... already "Can't Stand Losing You" by the Police, and I think i saw a STYX song in there....
K den. Do you want me to back away slowly and call the nearest mental institute?
2591964 MY MIND! IT'S FILLED WITH ENDLESS THOUGHTS OF IMPURITY---
That's actually not too diffrent from my average day, but either way!
"I could always tell when you were lying because you were never any good at it."
Will someone please inform me as to where I've heard this phrase?
Yep, this is the perfect format. This chapter has cleared it all up for me. You sir have earned my approval and will be "watched".
3043529
A little late but it seems to be "Gladiator"
He had a full on fearection. On the highway to the danger-bone.
On the highway to the danger-bone.
danger-bone.
the incestuous lusting for a younger sister I'm willing to accept, but that pun..
THAT was unacceptable. Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.
"you wouldn't like it if I had some big, huge announcement and I didn't tell you in person."
foreshadowing into canon
Dude. DUUUUUUUUDE! All the references! They're perfect! Especially that reference to Night Moves! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! You have no idea, NOT A CLUE, just how much that reference made my night! NIGHT MOVES! Only one of the absolute best songs in the world, yet so few actually know it! OH, you've got my following now!
I stand corrected, after going through some of the comments here. Lots of people know that song. I guess Bob Seger was just never as big of a hit where I live.
2562308
for eating out, you mean?
Laughed so hard milk came out of my nose.
And i wasn't even drinking milk.
Or anything for that matter.
I just laughed THAT hard.
The only thing I cannot agree on here, is the screwed up timeline.
Seriously now...
Twilight applied for the school of gifted unicorns when she was barely as old as the crusaders, which would be around 9-10 years, she didn't even have her cutie mark back then, just as all the mane six. If you remember, Applejack even told the crusaders in her tale "Ah was just a little filly, even littler than ya'll", now she could have said that to press her point of leaving the farm early to show how strong she was, despite her stature. But somehow I do believe her, because Rarity was in school at the time (just as Fluttershy was in flight school), making the costumes, and Rarity always appeared to be the most mature of the bunch.
Anyway, judging by that, and also by the picture of little Twily entering the school while feeling so small, she must have been around 10-11 years old, which makes it also believable that she experienced her first estrus around that age, as Shiny said she first mentioned it on an entry that was about 8 month prior to his discovery of her diary.
Now, after the mentioned time skip of 3 years, she would be around 14 years old. She can be hardly called an 'adult mare', as Shiny did, which means either Shiny's perception of her is more fucked up thanks to the incestuous thoughts, or the 3 years should actually be at least 5-6 years. If she would be 16-17 years old, with a 6 years time skip instead of just 3, it's easier to imagine shiny thinking of her as a 'matured mare'. But then you hit rock bottom with this part:
That. Doesn't. Add. Up.
If Twilight enrolled in school with 10-11 and there was only a 3 years time skip, no further time skips where noted, then she is only 14 years old here at max, making her barely a teenager.
But Lauren Faust mentioned Twilight and her friends are supposed to be in their 'early 20s' (which means they are basically 19-24 years old) at the time Nightmare Moon broke free.
Why would Celestia sent her to oversee the preperations of a whole town as a teenager?! That seems illogical. Not to mention that Celestia was very aware of Nightmare Moon's return. All along it was her plan to send Twilight down to Ponyville, so she could reactivate the elements and face Nightmare Moon, with her newly made friends.
But do you honestly think she would have thrown a teenage twilight with barely 3 years of experience in magical studies, plus her now teenage friends, against her ruthless demonized sister?
... That sounds a bit too risky for a wise ruler anyway.
In other words, you dear author just completely shifted the whole time line by at least 5 years. Even if she was 12 when she got her mark and enrolled in school, she'd just be 15 years at this point, taking on the responsibility of a librarian, town organizer, also including Winter Wrap Up later on, element of magic and bringer of harmony, independently while not being observed and personally tutored any longer by Celestia.
Barely 3 years of magic schooling starting as 11 year old filly is all she gets from Celestia, until she dumps all this on her? I recall Twilight saying something like "Don't worry Spike, in the many years of studying under her, my Mentor never once doubted me." Many years are not really just 3 years. 6 or 7 years would qualify better as 'many'.
And not only that, considering the gang all got their marks at the same time, they all should now be around 14-16 years or so, Applejack is main co-responsible for the apple farms income, Rarity has her own goddamn boutique to run already, Fluttershy is an expert veterinarian with her own house, Pinkie Pie has a full time job at Sugar Cube Corner while also owning a home, and Rainbow Dash, who I always assumed to be the youngest of the bunch(18-19 years or so) despite her brash attitude, would be according to THIS story's timeline at the age 14:
A. Captain of the weather team of an entire Town (see Winter Wrap Up, Hurricane Fluttershy).
B. Element of Loyalty
C. Owner of a Cloud house in Ponyville
Not to mention that all of them, except Pinkie, were on Celestia's list for the preparations, so they all where tasked to organize certain aspects of an annual celebration for an entire town.
That much responsibility while being young teenagers around 15 years old.
Yeah... that sounds like a bunch of baloney to me.
As I said, you could simply fix this by editing 3 years later into 6-7 years later, at least I would expect Twilight to study this long directly under Celestia, to be made her protegee, instead of throwing her into Ponyville with all those responsibilities in her neck and no mentor around to ask or confide in.
2562293
*Sees the sign*
Damn... someone's pent up, haha.
Nie chapter dude, I shall read more later, keep it up!
4817738
I myself just assumed it was the third year of a hypothetical second term in magic school for Twilight... in part because I don't think Shining would be able to make Lieutenant in just under three years.
But that still involved me going against the written text...
----------------------
Shining, on the other hand, hadn't
Combine this to be one sentence
End quotation mark
Period
Shiny (??)
risqué
"He thought to himself" shouldn't be italicized, should it?
Either make the period a comma, or capitalize "He"
And it clearly affected him deeply. (very repetitive otherwise)
Take out the comma
*chose
remove the comma
remove the period from Miss
combine these sentences
Sure enough, it had
sister's
On his way, he passed