Shining Armor finds Twilight's secret diary and he doesn't read it... for about 5 seconds.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm not quite sure how to respond to this: Twilight WASN'T sleeping that time?
25.media.tumblr.com/a3f946ecf8dfd1640dbc05899db64a06/tumblr_miy9tbTF3j1rr7904o1_500.jpg
2526086 indubitably
Talk about awkward. Still... At least the parents didn't catch him with the book doing that.
~Skeeter The Lurker
i'm halfway through and i'm trying to resist my facepalm
SLAP
ok wow. that was a lot more than i thought it'd be. he so should've left a note in the first page like "Hey Twilie, cool book sis ~Shiny ;D" then her reaction
Ahem....Address to both Shining Armor and Twilight:
YOU SICK LITTLE PONY!!
I loled at 'Stork Theory'.
Wow... Cool
Hurhurhur...
Doesn't that just suck, especially in like 5th or 6th grade. Doing a report in class when suddenly, "Duuuuurrrr."
"I feared"
"learned"
Wait, iloveportalz0r edited this? I must find more mistakes! Ooooor I could be lazy and find errors in another fic, that totally doesn't have sex.
This is story makes me think a little about Adventures of a Teenage Foalsitter. That story was honestly a little fucked up but it made me laugh while filling me with horror. What was done with those characters really tried to fuck my head canon hard. I would say the story tried to mind rape me if I didn't enjoy it so much. I just hope that this story does not go down that road, incest (even if wincest) feels just wrong.
This story is hinting it may go down a path I don't like, yet, oddly enough, will enjoy reading.
The proliferation of purple pony pornography with preference towards purple pony phallus is predominately pretty phantastic.
*hawt*
Shining Armor?
BITCHSLAP
I was a bit on the edge with this story. On one hand, it has very nice description and the storytelling, even though with established characters is fresh, and the idea hasn't been done to death.
On the other hand, it's a bit clumsily written. The descriptions are usually okay, but your sentences are very short, almost feeling stubby sometimes. I know a sentence doesn't need more than three words to work, but it starts to feel like a list of events and not a narrative. It's perfectly okay when the events are happening fast, but other than that, you might slow a bit down and flesh the scenes a bit more. Bring me into the scene, as it were. You don't have to detail every single thing in a scene, that would be even worse, just add a few minor details to the events. Add some specifics that will bring a character or scene to life. Take one aspect and forget others for it. For example, the guard that Shiny spoke with. I can't remember a single thing about him, except him almost being a deus ex machina (you barely dodged that because of the earlier Celestia scene). If he'd had some quirk or a distinguishing feature, he would have worked wonders. A scar, perhaps, that makes Shiny think of where it might have come, from fighting with Griffons while defending the poor weak ponies, stuff like that.
I also felt that first chapters rely too heavily on established events, even going as much as to include background ponies and unnecessary events into the story (the whole kite subplot felt like this for me. Sure, they flew a kite during BBBFF. That wasn't Twily's whole childhood, and them leaving the fairgrounds for a long while to fly a kite and then returning felt really forced. And the most forced cliffhanger in the world with Trixie... oh Celestia that was bad...)
So... that sounds like me being very negative. I was, and wasn't going to write anything about this fic and just pass it off as a cheap 'horny teenager jerks off to his sister' fic, which are ubiquitous. What pushed me over the edge into the upvote-territory was the third chapter. This is what the whole story should have been from the start. You really didn't need all that extra fuss about going through events from the series, especially when they didn't add anything essential to the story. The diary and it's magics (you know, the details that I mentioned. Awesome!), Shiny's thoughts and coming to terms with himself missing Twily and also feeling dirty and ashamed about her antics and his own world changing around were very realistic and likable. I could have easily seen the third chapter in it's entirety in the real world... except for the ponies ofc. And it's not over yet? This would have been an awesome ending to the fic, and I'm not even sure if you continuing will work to further the story and not just dilute the loss and wistfulness the third chapter.
Either way, I'm liking this story a lot, and it's vastly improved from the first chapter. Thank you for a good read.
EDIT oh this line: "Honey, we're here." Mrs. Sparkle interpreted. -> Mrs. Sparkle interrupted?
This... is... BRILLIANT! I can't wait to see where you take this. Imagine if Cadance read the diary too...
I lost it at the down for anything. That was a good laugh.
Woha, woha, so she was awake. o.o
Well, good Twily and Little Shiny will stay away from each other for a couple years, she in school and he in the military. Though there surely might be vacations and visiting times and stuff could still happen~
I can hear It'll be OK playing through my head
.....This just goes to prove that you don't read your little sister's diary, Shining.
This is both incredibly hilarious and hugely entertaining, excellent work.
This conversation will be awkward.... I'll make sure to bring popcorn!
TWILIGHT
YOU
SLUT
Cultural norms?
2527474 Friendship is Witchcraft FTW!
2527688 Cultural smores
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d9/Smores-Microwave.jpg/250px-Smores-Microwave.jpg
Okay, that was actually pretty clever.
Rocking all night and partying every day.
i honestly don't know how I feel about this.
my feels are all mixed up right now.....
I love this twilight!
HOW COULD YOU?!
2526387 ex-frikin-zactly
Twilight's child like innocence and her studious nature is just making too funny xD.
farm9.staticflickr.com/8370/8543444127_2c8e4354b3.jpg
~Have a good one.
2526157
2527688 mores
2528353
i.imgur.com/eeZwRO7.jpg
Well...nice chapter. And somehow it was obvious that this needed to happen. Now the question is...how will Shining react when he sees Twilight again? How will Twilight react when she finds out (I'm fairly certain that she WILL find out)? How will Cadence react?
*sigh*
It really seems like Shinings awkward moment was so different now from what it seemed...
2530855 Hellz yeah!
Also, i find this chapter to be Pure, Epic Win. I grant thee 5 of:
Also:
2530367it means i agree with u
It's not!
Creepy~!
What is this, "The Passion of the Incest?"
Seriously though, good job.
Damn you Shakespearicles, You and your amazing writing ability.
You certainly earned my fav. Even though it shames me.
As I Was About To Exit The Page I Saw The Word "rock" And i Thought, "Have i Been Discovered?"
That esclated quickly Good show gent. I'm hooked and will read your story. New fan right here
strange mix of incest in the beginning and a little sad thing at the end XD
still this has really good dialog for having the nature it does. good story i wonder if Twilight will get her chance at a full experiment hehe
Awkwardness shall ensue.
So just as a matter of curiosity, is this related to "A Shining Example"? Or are things just kind of similar?
How come I can only thup this once?
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
I have no words.....
except the ones I just typed......
and those ones.....
and those words too.......
FUCK!!!!
2541777 Completely unrelated. (lol. incest pun) This is not the tragedy A Shining Example was.