Shining Armor finds Twilight's secret diary and he doesn't read it... for about 5 seconds.
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Good read! Makes me want to watch RCW part 1 now!
I'm loving all the FiW lines mixed with the cannon lines this chapter. Also that song cue at the end.
I was perfectly fine with the whole 'this is an altered screenplay' thing, but the fact everything anyone said came with the subtlety of a freight train kind of annoyed me. I'm sure it's purposeful and meant to display the stress everyone is going through, and it does its job well, but . . . ehh. Good chapter all together.
One error I saw is that Shining tells Twilight,
I'm gonna presume it's supposed to be 'wouldn't'.
Alittle short unfortunately, but good.
3241850 The first half of a two-parter.
3242053 Ah, yes. This explains much.
Needs more corn dogs.
And I will wait to see This will end like in Chapter 2 of "A Canterlot Wedding" or not.
Twilight was seconds away from confessing?
Damn, son.
Damn.
Son.
(Fixed link)
Disappeared for a night, no dilemmas
Cause at first it was weird to be sucked off hungover
The worst of the pain that encompassed your body
Its true she was vague on the why
so how can it be that I feel nothing for Twilight?
Its my wedding day
And the shields are high
But my temples twinge
I think I wanna die
Why Twi hesitated
I can't wonder why
Its my wedding day
As the captain of the guard for the Princesses I'll serve
Never sway from my goal, unless I start to lose my nerve
Mr Spock, Mr. Scott, raise the shields all of you!
Celestia said so as Luna guards the night
But something's not right
II don't miss Twiliy
And I'm feeling worse
Barely even feel that my thoughts were perverse
Upcoming nuptials
Are their own damned curse
Its my wedding day
And Cadance will finally marry me
Not a joke nor a one-d character
And she blew me, so I feel lucky
I have no need to question my brand new Changeling rulers.
Its my wedding day
And the shields are high
But my temples twinge
I think I wanna die
Go ahead and laugh
As I curl up and cry
Cadance help me, my wife
It's my wedding day
3242360
I'm hoping it has a slight change, but we'll see.
Small typos:
Celestia/Luna/Princesses?
Close repeat and I think the first one would sound better as "the whole city limits"
remove or change to "Equestria is powerful yet ..."
each other
their
But still, how could you
"You want to know why
So I see you like FiW as well
So many FiW and not a single corn dog
I'm making this while reading so bear with me
And Also, this was one of my favorite episodes, I know it like the back of my hoof, hey that's new
Inception reference, CLUE #1 that I spot
I'm going to get them, I'm sherlock holmes material
Different but not sure if relevant.
A stupid excuse for the shield, what trickery is this for?
Any significance? could be
There will be cake to be had.
New dialogue, Important. Eh, maybe.
RIGHT...kusco
Well wouldn't you know it, a not so subtle clue
More added dialogue, I wonder of it's usefulness for the future. Still very well written my friend. And I'm glad you liked how that picture came out that while back.
Really, was that reference really necessary?
I thought it was green
I know this has to be important later
And end scene with that song.
Well all I can say is, I have no bloody fuck of an idea what the bombshell is. Good work keeping it tight. Can't wait.
3242201
3242053
Yes more corndogs indeedy,
This better not turn into an adventure clopfic, or I'll have your head on a pike before the sun sets.
This was very nice. I enjoyed the melding of FiM and FiW very much so. Especially the conversation about what Shining was wearing. I really thought the 'corn-dogs wardrobe' was going to appear, well played.
3242201
Agreed!
eww, who got FiW in my clopfic
Hey...Shakespearicles...I figured out that "Bombshell the size of Texas"...
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/000/130/disaster-girl.jpg
This day is GOING to be perfect.
3243215 Thank you for your diligence. The corrections have been made.
3244728 Shhh.
Why, oh why did you have to ruin this with FiW stuff. This fic was going so well, then you had to put in that blasphemy.
3245750
You know this whole story is about both of them having feeling for each other ... right?
It has absolutely nothing to do with FiW (especially since in this story they really are related biologically)
All of that FiW stuff is destroying whatever drama and tension you're trying to create, not to mention all of the rather severe characterization changes is just bizarre.
3246160 3245750
I thought it did well to signify that Shining wasn't acting like himself.
3246307 I suppose, but why FiW, that stuff should be scoured from the world... or something.
I sincerely hope you have a good reason for mixing FiW into this.
This fic is going to be perfect...
I knew this was going to yield mixed reviews. And I know I'm asking my loyals to go out on a pretty big limb of faith with me with this one. But you're just going to have to really trust me on this. This is all building up to something huge. (And not just TwiShine!) I Pinkie Promise you will not be disappointed for your patience!
3247751 I only trust you because I know the Truth.
stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/4700777/ba-dum-tss-o.gif
Trixie wanted more screen time
but i love this story
Heheh, bombshell.
I've been waiting for this for almost 10 chapter now. It's so nice to see this whole thing pan out. I think the comment section may become just as fun to read as the story itself.
3246641
Well, he had already been mixing FiW into it back from the first few chapters when he mentioned his band; BBBFF, which itself makes sense considering that FiW's Twilight ALSO has a non-platonic interest in her brother. Considering that FiW's wedding episode likely inspired a huge portion of the entire concept of this story, it would seem particularly weird if he didn't mix in a few references to it during the actual wedding.
3247751
That damned love sucking bug.....
Take her DOWN, Twi.
Can't wait for the next chapter!!!!
oh gosh i think i figured it out i finally figured it out
Twilight will let Cadence rot in the crystal mines isn't she, unless she is already dead Celestia is gonna die at the hoofs of Chrysalis, Twilight will empower Shinning with her "totally platonic" love for her brother, while Shinning and Twilight ascend to Alicorns, becoming the new rulers of Equestria, meanwhile Luna will go on vacation around the world in a fuck-fest, and everypony will live happily ever after right Shakespearicles?
3250932 Well, it looks like I have my alternate ending.
3253573 SPOILERS!
3254982
Dang it I already forgot what I wrote!
Why oh why must i do things like sleep and work when there are so many pony stories to read!
Tgisis well written and thoroughly entertaining to read.
Well done.
3243833 Twilight obviously likes Shining Armor again. I don't know why that spell to make her forget her love of Shining Armor would help. She'd just fall in love with him again. That Twilight quote was definitely expected.
3267194 I couldn't have said the obvious more obviously myself
3267099 Kinda sorta, but not really. It's just my head canon which that is what happened on his bachelor party. If I write another story involving that night, it'll go a similar, (though perhaps even cloppier) way.
3269630 Ah. My once and future editor! Thank you for your continued work. I have made all the noted corrections.
3247751 fucking perfect , im pretty sure im already aware of what this plan is going to involve , i hope im right lol...
also >am super disappoint you didn't go with the i incest line.....