If you don't mind me saying . . .

That was HAWT!! Like, really, REALLY HAWT!!

2289955

Yeah, you can say that again!

So fucking hot

Ohh, I like this kind of story, but are you sure you didn't mean a paddle, instead of a brush?

2291558
Actually, it's important to realize that a paddle and a brush are two different implements, meant for two different purposes. The paddle is infamous for delivering a wide reaching and general burn across both cheeks or the legs, a wide area, so it's sometimes used as an intermediate tool in sessions where pain is the main focus of the play at hand. It would be preceded usually by a thinner object such as a cane or even the hand (a hoof in this case) and followed up by another, more severe implement. On the other hand, the brush is meant for dealing a deep burn to a small area. So unlike the paddle, it can be used on cheeks separately, and the strokes pack more of a punch. However, my purpose for using it also has a more effective psychological effect. Despite it's objectively more painful feel, unlike the paddle, it isn't always seen as a punishment tool (it's primary usage after all is to tidy hair). In this story, although I occasionally used the title "mistress" for Rarity and once, Rarity's direct address to Twilight as "slave," I didn't want to give the impression that this was a classic BDSM session, which I hope was clear enough. The presence of a brush, rather than a paddle, makes Rarity seem less like a threatening dominatrix and more like a friend, just using her household tools for a friends sake.

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Argh, so stupid. Thanks for explaining that, but I only realized what you meant with brush until I've read the part about tyding hair for the second time. I was thinking about a paint brush all the time xD.

Yes, I think a hairbrush fits Rarity's style well, and I think it was a very good choice, since a hairbrush could of course be used on Twilight in a more gentle, but no less caring manner.

Concerning my impression of this scene, I realized that it was more something between friends, than some sort of business, but Rarity seemed very much like a professional. Speaking about the men she usually treated like this gave me that impression, too.

Anyway, I'd always like to read more :)

2293001
Thanks for pointing that out. I've changed the text to read "a wooden, heart-bespeckled hairbrush" to avoid having anyone else miss the mark, especially so early in the story.
To better supplement your interpretation of the scene, I'll clarify some things I was hinting at. As you pointed out, while it is true that this session is more of a friendly favor for both characters, Rarity does indeed give off the sense that she's very experienced and presents herself well as a professional. There are two reasons for this that are a tad interconnected. First, whenever you write sex-related stories like this, you have to be very careful to keep characters in character (A story about Fluttershy being the dominant, for example, would just be jarring).
Professionalism is a part of Rarity's character, a concept which I would like to explain in a more safe-for-work story soon enough (I think I'll call it The Art of Business). Rarity's job goes far beyond just making dresses. She has to always look for new clients and maintain relationships with existing clients to secure their future business. This applies to both females and males (I think it wouldn't be too far-fetched to assume that she has the talent to design suits, coupled with the confident attractiveness to attract stallion buyers). But she has to walk the walk as well, and I think her mastery of her craft and her acute attention to detail prepare her quite well.
For these reasons, I think it's quite reasonable that she could have a more private life like this one. It's here that we can see that this session was mostly (85%?) a friendly favor, but it was also similar to something that Rarity might do off to the side. I put forth the idea here that she services her clients in more ways than one, providing nice dress wear and drawing her clients in with a more sensual intimacy. For those that feel a bit more open, or a little stressed, like in Twilight's case, Rarity also has a remedy. This isn't to say that she's a whore, using sex to sell her merchandise- far from it. I merely claim to suggest that varying degrees of intimacy with certain clients could lead to a good realstionship, which is how smart businesspeople think.
Thus we arrive at where Rarity gets this experienced manner from. She's keeping in mind that Twilight is a friend and treats her as more than a lot of money to capitalize on, but she's servicing her with the skill she would as if dealing with a willing client. For these reasons, which would have been difficult to pick up by just reading this text, I may write more of this in the future, perhaps exploring some of those rougher situations I hinted at, or maybe exploring her treatment of stallions.

2293298
It's always nice seeing someone putting this much effort into their characters, but always remember that this is clop. It's as far away from the characters in the show as it can go :) Therefore, I guess it can be excused not giving reasons for why exactly the characters behave in these unusual situations. I'm not saying that, concerning characterization, it would be alright to make Rarity violate Twilight without any reasons but for her own perverse desires, because they're good friends in the show, but Rarity might not always want to act professionally in this ... unmentioned part of her life. Maybe she just wants to let her feelings out, caress and kiss somepony, and maybe enjoy seeing them quiver in fear and, or anticipation.
So again, it's very nice to see someone putting that much thought into their characters, and this is only my personal view on staying true to the characters.

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If you're implying that ponies don't have sex, you should bear in mind that Mr. and Mrs. Cake have foals, and we have yet to see a stork in Equestria.

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You're right, that wasn't really present in my mind, but still, it's a kids show, nothing there is supposed to tell anyone how exactly ponies in this world are having sex. There isn't even anything that tells us that they need to have sex. Maybe the Cakes just hugged tightly and often xD
So my opinion still stands. Having characters stay in character often can't be defined in clop settings.

a fantastic story and very well written can't wait to see more

2295948

Lauren Faust herself stated that they reproduce in the normal mammalian way.

2297028

Alright, seems like I've been proven wrong then.

Thanks to this fic, I can face the trials of my coming week.

The only problem is, the ending is too abrupt. After the last climax, you need to spend some time with the characters as they enjoy the afterglow.

2297765
I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the suggestion. I'm quite aware that the story had an abrupt ending; however, I don't think it can be called "too abrupt" given the circumstances. It's very possible that one can criticize this work, saying that it's not very show-accurate, but given the assumptions (assertions) that I made, I tried to make things occur with the greatest amount of logical accuracy. The reason that it ends abruptly is that Twilight fainted quite abruptly, in accordance with the logical path of having her limits pushed like that. Thus, there's not really much room for afterglow. Choosing instead to write an afterglow scene (which may run the risk of ending the story on an anticlimactic note, dragging itself along with nothing happening until the end) would have to be met with the removal of the aphrodisiac mechanic, which I think did well enough to be more enjoyable.
Alternatively, I could write a little more following her loss of consciousness, though admittedly, I don't know what could be put down. Whatever came afterwards would be entirely for the purpose of better concluding the moral, which was concisely done in the final sentence. Taking this supplementary route might be fine for the story's sake as a work of literature, but for the purposes it was actually written for, I don't think that would be entirely necessary.
As a corollary, I will remember this suggestion for previous stories and/or chapters. Moreover, if anyone finds this ending particularly distasteful and hindering in the enjoying of the work, I may actually reconsider.

2298221
It doesn't necessarily need to be a literal afterglow. If, hypothetically speaking, both Rarity and Twilight were rendered unconscious, due to the sheer power of their shared orgasm, the scene could still continue.

Describe them lying unconscious. Talk about how long they were out. Talk about what happened when they woke up. Have the chapter end once Twilight and Rarity part company.

"So, same time next week?" Rarity asked.

"You bet," Twilight said.

2295948

We know enough about their personalities to extrapolate defensible conclusions about their behavior in non-canon scenarios, which constitute every piece of fan fiction ever written. Sex is no exception.

That said, I'm not attacking you personally; the philosophy you espouse is my enemy.

As a general rule before I read a story, I check the comments, and here's the problem I find with the general issue being talked about.

I've been of the mind that the only one of the Six with a defined sex life would be Rarity. However, the idea of her as a dominatrix kind of flies in the face of her character as a spirit of Generosity, as well as the nature of her work. To know fashion is to know the body. To know the body is to understand subtle cues. What is arousal and what is arousing? I expect that "sexy" is a very big part of what she does. It almost has to be. But you do not learn subtle cues by being a dominatrix. A dominatrix only learns what causes a reaction when people are at their most base. Rarity thus cannot be a dominatrix for clients. At the same time, however, she is far too dignified to be a submissive. The answer? She's simply not into bondage. She's into the sensual and the appearances that go with it, willing to play the part that she needs to help them be their best. Also, being dominating is only generous in a terribly perverse sense. Instead, dominating is greedy, no matter how you slice it even if the other wants it, because the submissive is being degraded. Rarity is NOT into degrading others. Also, a paddle is a paddle is a paddle, and being spanked has the same meaning no matter what instrument is used.

No, Rarity strikes me as the kind of lover who loves passion.

2315243

Nice thought, but what if Twilight is the one who likes bondage and being submissive?

2316037

That's true, but I fail to see how such a thing is stress relief. More effective would be what I expect Rarity to be like; a master of foreplay, getting Twilight extremely wound up before the finish. "Bondage" is at the point of experimenting, which isn't implied in the fic.

2316260

Well, people do all sorts of different things for "stress relief." For me, it's playing guitar and playing video games, while for others, it could be reading a nice book or having sex.

And as for your perspective on Rarity, I think everyone has a different idea of how each pony is like, ya know?

2316315

I did. If that's "light" bondage, then what's the heavy stuff? There was nothing "light" about any of it. It didn't look like foreplay at all, certainly not the opening bits; especially where Twilight seemed uncomfortable with what is happening.

Very well done. The build-up and characterizations were flawless.

2316368

Take my word for it, that's light. Heavier stuff is a lot more hands-on (hooves-on?) and is much more intense than that.

2315243
Are you really implying that as a Dom you don't have to be careful and incredibly considerate of your sub? That you don't have to possess the ability to take just the slightest reaction, just the tiniest bit of body language into consideration on how to carry on in your play? Because if you really do that, then oh boy you're so very wrong.

What you think about is some cheap porn "dominatrix" stuff. A true Dom/sub play is just as passionate and tender as everything else. A Dom has to KNOW their sub. The Dom has to be able to read the sub perfectly, sense when the sub is getting uncomfortable, sense when the sub is ready to be pushed against the limit. A Dom has to know the difference between a "oh please more" whimper and a "that didn't feel nice" whimper.

So no, a Dom doesn't "only learn" when the sub is at their most base. Dom/sub play is much more than just "I beat you senseless with a paddle", as you think it is. A good Dom can make their sub aroused with just a sentence. Or just a brush of their hand against a body part. Or sometimes even just with a glance. Good Dom/sub play sometimes doesn't even have to involve nakedness. Or a bedroom.

Please don't assume that BDSM is just senseless whipping people for fun. And that there's no passion in it. Because that's just plain wrong.

2394784

EDIT: Nevermind, I don't want to start a stupid fight over this.

Wait a moment!
I was going through my old favorites when I noticed something.
This is still incomplete!
So does that mean there's more to come at some point?

3194131
Yes, indeed, sir. More is to come, and that which is to come will make this older chapter appear like drivel in its greatness. You have seen nothing of my ability in writing which has far surpassed and even dwarves the capacity that I had when I wrote this first chapter.

Look well and be vigilant, for a time is coming -and coming soon- when Rarity's true expertise and mastery, which only radiate with a dim twinkle in the story, will shine forth brighter than the brilliance of the sun.

Bringing Twilight to a state where she desired her services in this chapter was no difficult task, but the true skill of a mistress of this craft is found and displayed through challenges. While Twilight begged for it, others must be coerced. They must be enticed sweetly but firmly by the entracing sight of a bobbing, sumptuous flank and a hypnotizing, swishing tail. Yet these are nothing when they compare to how deeply drawing the voice of a mistress of desire is, slowly drawing her viewer in with her wile-weaving tongue, dripping with the nectar of carnal thirst and a confidence that holds that just out of their reach, growing the desire until it is unbearable

3194161
I'm not sure how well I understand that. But I'm giving a thumbs up because it entertained me. Also, totally rereading this two or 3 more times today probably.

Not bad. but not hat great rather. Would have been better if twilight could have moved about. but bondage was never my thing anyway,

Nice, I expected whipping and all that masochist stuff, but was pleasantly surprised by the tenderness and attention toward the submissive one.
Yes, I loved this story, indeed.

"Tomorrow, our sword arms will ache from over-use!"
-Random Rome: Total War quote that seemed fitting.

Hot!!! I can't get enough of Rarity as a dom. Great work and thanks for sharing.

I wouldn't mind more of this. Your portrayal of a dom/sub relationship is pretty spot on. Honestly, this is how BDSM is supposed to be, not how pop-culture and the unwashed masses think of it as.

To be honest, it really bothers me when people assume that BDSM is about inflicting pain and forcing someone to do things, because it isn't even remotely close to that. Sure pain play is a part of it, but there is also sensory deprivation, orgasm denial, anal play, and so much more than what people often think of it. I actually had a dom at one point, and it was amazing. She set up a sensory-deprivation session that lasted four hours. It was the most intense thing I have ever been a part of, and it was glorious.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~
1:26_1/5/2016

Amazing work!

Your story was submitted to the Good Grammar Directory, but failed to qualify.

Why? Dialog punctuation. Let me show you just a few examples.

“You don’t even want to know.” Twilight replied, exasperated.

*“You don’t even want to know,” Twilight replied, exasperated.

You know that you’re supposed to answer me clearly when I address you.” Rarity said in a calm voice, maintaining her refined accent.

*You know that you’re supposed to answer me clearly when I address you,” Rarity said in a calm voice, maintaining her refined accent.

“Are you calm now, darling?” She asked, now rubbing the implement on her unpunished left cheek.

“Yeh mithreh.” Twilight answered with a small whimper.

*“Are you calm now, darling?” she asked, now rubbing the implement on her unpunished left cheek.

“Yeh mithreh,” Twilight answered with a small whimper.

And yes, if you were wondering, the story was submitted four years ago . I’ve seen that you -or your editor- learned your lesson and your newest story is punctuated correctly, so I trust you don’t need further explanations. And while you are at it, fix your short description too.

Twilight goes to Rarity find relief from the stressful duties of a Princess

*Twilight goes to Rarity to find relief from the stressful duties of a Princess.

8219601
Four years just to fail? Jesus Christ, I'm not even mad. This is hilarious. Thanks for your time.

Edit: I went ahead and fixed what punctuation errors I found with a cursory glance. Hopefully that cures it for anyone with an eye for precision.

8228731 No problem at all, and thanks in kind for replying. The group has been inactive for so long that many authors are either gone inactive or just don't care about their stories anymore, sad as it is. Personally, I'm sorry your story didn't qualify, I quite enjoyed it.

Edit: I went ahead and fixed what punctuation errors I found with a cursory glance. Hopefully that cures it for anyone with an eye for precision.

I'm glad to hear that. And my apologies for making you go through the story again after so many years (I actually just joined the GDD a week ago, though). I don't want to turn your comment section into a grammar discussion, so I'll PM you about that in a moment.

8228731 You fixed all the instances, no doubt. I'm all too happy to announce that your story has been officially accepted into the Good Grammar Directory.

Congratulations!

Is this going to continue or stay in literary limbo?

8228731
So, is this dead?

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8736792
A long time ago, I had an idea for a longer story, but this stands fine as a one-shot. I have no plans to continue it and have marked it complete.

I love the love between these two.