• Member Since 16th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Mar 31st, 2015

Cookietheif


Ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies

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Brightsmile, the sweetest little mare who has become ponyville's newest dentist. But the day after she first arrives to the town she gains a taste for blood, even though she has a major fear of it, and it soon turns into a need for pony flesh... But being as weakhearted as she is. A voice from her mind that promises to do the deed for her and Bright will not remember what happened when it is in control. She believes this voice is her savior...But can it be her downfall?

Chapter 5 has been proof-read and edited by Ecstatic. Everypony give him a massive thanks!
Also the credit goes to Crimson Dash for help in the making of chapters 3 and 4 and the cover art as well!

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 120 )

Luna wont by in the first chapter. :raritydespair: But i promise that she will in the other chapters :scootangel: or else i'll shave spikes moustache :moustache:

Blitz here. Keep on writing! Blitz out.:twilightsmile:

ok, if someone watches this before i'm done, you'll notice a odd change in the paragraphs. The huge ones i had before are going to be broken down a bit so they are hopefully easier to read. If anyone has a better format than i'd love to hear it! :twilightsmile:

Its good. Real good. Not like I read this before or anything

Remember to watch out for repeating words and such. Have you read the writing guide?

Okay a couple of things...
First, wall of text. 'Nuff said.
Second, your narrator is describing stuff that the audience knows, or otherwise doesn't need to know, if you must then put it into dialogue.
Thirdly, not sweetie belle :applecry: :unsuresweetie:

2434821

yeah... fixing that a lil :twilightsheepish:
Could you give me a few examples? I'd really like some help on that.
Yes. sweetie belle :pinkiecrazy:

2432788

Thanks. and no i havn't. i just kinda go with whatever flow comes and i just fix any errors i simply notice. :facehoof:

2435338

Sweetie belle couldn’t hold herself up any longer and she fell limp. Her eyes glazed over and her final breath left her… Sweetie belle was now just a corpse…

I think people can guess that sweetie died, that last sentence is unnessesary. Maybe try combining those last two sentences? I would show more but I'm on a phone...

2436396

ok. you got a point there. i'll fix that as i work on the paragraphs. thanks a lot!

well this was delightfully well written. It kinda made me hungry though...:pinkiecrazy:

2441560

Thanks lol. It had the same effect on me :pinkiecrazy: i couldnt stop eating once i had crimson smile take control.
Chapter 2 will be posted soon once i get the time to finish the dang thing. But sadly the blood and gore may have to wait until the 3rd chapter :raritydespair:

2445835:raritydespair: but.... all the sweet salty bloody stuff.... Well, I like your style and the way that you're not going to lighten a story up because it's a foal, so you got yourself a new follower :pinkiehappy:

2446753

Ok. i found time for it :trollestia:

and thanks for following! :twilightsmile: i never knew that i could have awsome followers like you! If you got a story or 2 that you want me to check out i'll give it a go

2447965 :pinkiehappy: Keep up your writing and you'll have a few more watchers coming, im sure.
Also, I'm excited about the new chapter:pinkiecrazy:
It's a nice Dr. Jekel (dunno if i spelled that right) and Mr. Hyde (again not sure about spelling) concept.

2448580

i just call him Dr. jackle. and i think its Hyde as well :derpyderp1:

I otta have it tomorrow or next week, if you saw the random blog lol. i hope you enjoy it just as much :pinkiecrazy: it'll have much more gore detail

i hate the fact that even though i put in a TON of italics in the story on a microsoft doctument. it will never show here :trixieshiftleft: oh well... enjoy!

Buck Im dead

Awsomeness, as usual! Keep it up!

I also love how Blitz has no dialogue whatsoever. SILENT OC SHALL BE REMEMBERED!!!

Not bad, I enjoy this. More to come?

2452675

Of course! like i'd let such a little amount of ponies die :pinkiecrazy:

2452292

He was getting braces on for one. XD and 2 he didnt live long enough to complain about having no lines either. :pinkiecrazy:

i had to add some details, since CrimsonDash is making me a cover art.

Her eyes are light blue.

And changed some things to the costume

Thanks CrimsonDash for the frayed edge part! :twilightsmile:

You earned a moustache! :moustache:

2452995 :moustache: I make moustaches look good :unsuresweetie: (did i use a sweetie image too soon?:pinkiecrazy:)
And with all the fun artsy stuff I didn't get to read the new chapter yet :twilightblush:
Time for reading! :yay:

2456458

(not soon enough:pinkiehappy: )

-le gasp- at least it was worth it in the end! thanks again for the super epic cover art! :twilightsmile:

2456467 It was my pleasure :pinkiehappy: If you need any more or know anyone else who needs something, lemme know. That was the first time I ever messed with fabric texture, so its good practice at the very least:rainbowwild:
(I read the first bit where twi is knocking on the door and suddenly *Boop* "Notification" :raritydespair:)

2456484

My bad XD i'll let you read the story then. :derpytongue2:

I do have a buddy that may need help to. "DataNinten. the very second comment on here. He says that he needs cover art to. But no rush :twilightsheepish:

okay, that was possibly the most gutwrenchingly genius idea ever. :pinkiecrazy:

2458318

i patted myself on the back for that :rainbowlaugh:

such great pals. how will i ever top that one? :pinkiecrazy:

We'll find out, when ever the buck i'm able to make chapter 3!

2472805

:pinkiehappy: why thankies! more are sure to come as soon as possable :pinkiecrazy: warning. it does cause starvation from the mouth watering nom noms

Such suspence! I am looking forward to more!

b...bu...but zecora was my second favorite BG pony :raritycry:
although.... stripes are supposed to slim the wearer :duck:
(totally worth it:pinkiecrazy:)

2503340

Well her death was needed :pinkiecrazy:

Slim the wearer? :raritystarry: So worth it! :trollestia:

Comment posted by Blood Waltz deleted May 2nd, 2013

One of the best GrimDarks.
Here take a 'Cupcake':pinkiecrazy:

2515844


thank you so much! :raritystarry:

mmmm. cupcakes :pinkiecrazy: next chapter is coming as soon as i can make it.

2472805 I agree, but it should have 10 mustaches.
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

2555041
THE DAEMONS ARE BACK! RALLY THE FLEET AND FORCE THEM OUT OF THE SECTORS!

2473071
NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

2557880 And I have a new avatar :3
Does it intimidate you?

2559622
YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL FOR I AM THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER VALLEY!

SO IN SHORT, NO.:rainbowlaugh:

2559764 T~T
What a sec, am I... acting like a anime schoolgirl?

2559852
You always were... You only notice this now?:facehoof:

2562502 Take this cricket bat and hit me on the head as hard as you can.
*Hands over a large bat*

2562514
*Takes cricket bat and smashes Ciel over head*
Better now?:raritywink:

2562588 Much better, although...
*Touches back of head and sees black blood on fingers*
You made me bleed.

2562635
I MAKE EVERYONE BLEED IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR!:trollestia:

2563467 Ragnarok, you can come out of my spine now.
*A kawaii little demon pops out of spine*

2563528
Adjutant: Nuclear resources are now available to you, Commander,
Commander Dajackel: Lase that lil' demon that just popped outta that bigger ones back and nuke 'em.
ADJ: Sir, that isn't an efficient use of resources. Plus, it is excessive overkill. A single marine with a handgun could dispatch it.
CDJ: I'm not payin' you to make suggestions. Infact, I'm not paying you at all. launch the missles.
ADJ: But, S-Sir..
CDJ: Shut up and fire the damn missles before I put on as a warhead.
ADJ: Firing missles.
*Nuclear Launch Detected*

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