• Member Since 14th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen May 14th, 2017

FrozenInTime


Meh

T
Source

Rainbow Dash would always be there for Twilight, even when her other friends are not. Something is not right in Ponyville. Since her coronation as an Alicorn Princess, Twilight has been blamed for things she clearly didn't do, and everypony but Rainbow, Scootaloo, and Spike have disowned her. However, this is not just an emotional struggle. With the Elements in disarray, all of Equestria is in danger as an old enemy returns...

Contains: TwiDash, Scootadopt, Gore, Violence

Thanks to Surry, LightningBass94, and twidashforever. Without them, this story wouldn't have been possible.

Partially inspired by the story The Truth in Meanings by Twidashforever

Chapters (19)
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Comments ( 461 )

Yes, please do! With an intro like that one simply must read a few more chapters...or all of them :pinkiehappy:

Not bad, but maybe a little too vague? It's hard to tell if there is some actual mystery as to why everyone was acting so horrible to Twilight, or if you've just characterized everyone but Dash that way. Maybe give some hint somewhere if it's the former.

Vague, yes but it's enough to get me interested. Keep going, I'm curious to see where this goes. :twilightsmile:

My reaction at first was not too shabby it has real potential and it was the sort of thing that ran through my head after magical mystery cure :duck: and then I saw this is your first fanfic :trixieshiftright: it's a great start I know a lot of people are saying vague but to be honest why he detailed in a prologue :rainbowkiss: I always find with your first fanfic on a website you have time to think about it more I'll be keeping an eye out for this one :derpytongue2: :twilightsmile:

It is looking... okay so far. You have some grammar issues, aren't showing, and I believe I saw redundancy once in here. But what you have here needs to be continued anyway. As is, there isn't much. It would be best to continue.

I'll keep an eye on this.

Solid start IMO, could be a wee bit longer.

I'll say this, you hooked me as soon as I saw the prospect of twidash scootadopt, it's one of my favorite story types.

Keep writing and I'll keep watching:twilightsmile:

Wow, I woke up to see this staring at me... OMYGOSHOMYGOSHOMYGOSH! I never expected this much positive feedback... I expected everyone constantly pointing out every flaw I had made or something!

I'm seeing you all say that it's vague, which is good... that was the original intention. For that reason, and the fact that the next few chapters will get a bit... off topic, I'm adding the Random tag in. Thanks so much for the feedback! :twilightsmile::heart::rainbowkiss::heart::scootangel:

I'll start work on Chapter 1 right away! Don't expect me to be one of those writers who waits 8 months between chapters... expect it at the end of today or tomorrow! I'll try to make it longer. Thank you all again.

Hmm, not bad at all, and I hope you play this whole "all of Twilight's friends hate Twilight" thing out well. It's hard to pull something like that off well without making everyone OOC, but I'll keep an eye on this and wait to see what you deal out.

And already established Scootadoption? Okie-dokes. Let's see where this'll lead us.

Comedy? Random? Adventure?

Teen, Sex, Gore?

Erm... this looks like a sadfic, or has elements of one. What's with all the tags?

It's good though, I like it.

good start so far. very interested to see how you handle the actions of the girls, since they're at odds with each other. not an easy thing to do without making them totally different people. while out of character actions are ok (so long as there's a well explained reason for it), it's still hard to do. and i see we have scootadoption already in place. hope there's a story for that at some point.

Twidash is a given, I wouldn't have found this if it wasn't one, but Rainbow adopted Scootaloo?! YESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!! Sorry.:twilightblush: To me, Twidash Scootadopts are just to die for. Definitely gonna read this today.

Edit: Saw, came, loved. my only complaint, which is pretty small i guess, is that Tank is a tortoise, not a turtle. Now, do, please continue.

please please please continue:applecry:

Hmmm... it has potential.

Also, Tank is a tortoise.

3950310 :facehoof: sorry about that... I'll fix that right away.

3950325 Alright. I look forward to the continuation of this story. :twilightsmile:

gonna wait for more chapters on this.
reason:

Ever since she became an Alicorn, her friends have been staying far away from her, even going so far as to run away from her.

will put this on my read later list....

Honestly, I don't care if Twilight is rejected. She treats friendship like a test anyways.

Looks good so far, so yes, by all means, please keep going. I want to see what happens next!:ajsmug:

And does Dash need any help in bucking Applejack (and then the other 3) squarely in the face? 'Cause I've got a very pissed off OC who's more than willing to lend her a hoof with that.:twilightangry2:

3950775 You just gave me a great idea for a part in chapter 1... but please, tell me about this OC. You have piqued my interest.:pinkiehappy:

3950704 Maybe at first, in the very first episode, but after that it seems pretty genuine. She treats it like a test at times because if she fails the test, she might lose her friends, which are part of said test.

I'm looking toward to where this story gives so don't disappoint :twilightsmile:

Already, things are starting off an a rather melancholy note. Honestly though, I'm interested as to how you're going to make this story work, so I'll stick with it.

Decent backstory, just maybe a bit on the unnatural flow side, but good nonetheless.

Teased at the mysterious argument and left us with a fair cliffhanger.

All in all, I've seen better first stories, BUT I've also seen many more worse.

After awhile I'll start sounding like a broken record but, I've always been a stickler for story length, 2k is good for a chap but depending on how long we have to wait, longer chapters are better, BUT you shouldn't listen to me and you should do what you gotta do.

A good story that I can't wait for more.:twilightsmile:

I like it! :pinkiehappy: It's well written for a first fic, better than my first fic. The flow is a little choppy, but that will get better with practice, for sure. :twilightsmile:

I'm really hoping this deserves its romance tag a little more than its dark tag in the end. :unsuresweetie: I really like this story so far, despite the choppy flow and a couple minor grammar issues. Have a fave. :twilightsmile:

Huh, not bad. Have a fave.

A couple things. One, characters' thoughts should only be in italics, not bold italics. Two, I'd recommend using lowercase for the pony races—"pegasus" instead of "Pegasus". After all, you don't write "The Dog chased the Cat", you write "The dog chased the cat". This is completely optional, though. Hasbro capitalizes the pony races for some reason, so you can't go wrong either way.

Have a good one. :twilightsmile:

3949230 so exited to hear it! And I knew you didn't make it vague without reason! You have the essence of a very good writer :ajsmug:

3952811Uh, can you elaborate on what you mean by choppy? I just want to know so I can improve.


Also, in the next coming chapters there will be some PoV switches and it might get a tad confusing. Just a heads up.

3953670

Uh, can you elaborate on what you mean by choppy? I just want to know so I can improve.

Chapter 1 has a few very abrupt changes between scenes, without any real transition. Scootaloo wakes up, then it suddenly breaks into the flashback. Then Luna just...appears. The lack of real transition between the scene changes is very jarring.

I recommend looking through the groups to find an editing or pre-reading group that can help you.

RC

This is all i can say... awsome and scarry! I belive that with this story, scotaloo has officaly claimed marked and bound the position of favrote foal. And as for the twibuse...kill apple jack, plant her head on a stick, and make her body in to cupcakes or other food and fead it to her family. Amd than burn her hard work to the ground.
:pinkiecrazy:
...
:twilightblush:
Sorry, my dark side came out for a minit there. But still twi is not deserving of the abuse. And aj is. But make it so that RD and twi make there frends(*fluttershy, and some background charicters*) see how here not frends(*AJ, rarity, pinkie pie, trixy, and some other background charicters*) are and rebel themin to the griffin kingdom with the words 'trator' 'evil' 'dishonest' 'selfish' 'lame' and other name tatooed on to them.

This looks interesting.

Sorry I couldn't get the next chapter out today. My modem is being a total troll right now. It should be fixed either tomorrow or the day after, so expect the next chapter to be the day after tomorrow, or the day after at the very latest. Until then, keep TwiDash shipping and fanfic writing my friends... but don't forget Scootaloo!
:twilightsmile::heart::rainbowkiss::heart::scootangel:
and, once again, thanks for all the support. I wouldn't be doing this without you.

Not going to lie, this is pretty damn great

This isn't my usual type, but I liked it. Now I've gotta go find this song.

You have a few little mistakes, nothing major. I like the :scootangel:.

I'll be watching for more!:pinkiehappy:

Well done! A few grammatical/punctuation errors, but other than that nothing really wrong. Some parts feel rushed, but it doesn't break the flow. Damn you for the cliffhanger, though.

I can't wait to read more. Keep it up!

Oh, and thanks for leading me to a great song. I can't believe I've never heard it before! :derpytongue2: :twilightsmile:

If you want a proofreader, I can (hopefully) do it. I've got a good bit of work to do over the next few months, but I'm sure I can find time to get sneak previews to a great story proofread your work.

Good chapter. I look forward to the start of the plot. :twilightsmile:

3948772 lol 4th time ive seen you on a fanfic with twi and dash... not sure if this story is gonna be a twidash but antways im reading Scootaloo's Heartache and i wanted to let both of u know ( the author of this story and u) that theses are so far good fanfics, keep up the good work you guys

3961583 Thanks, I really appreciate the support!

Well, here goes everything everypony... I'm gonna write the HAY out of this chapter! *tryhard face*

Why, Hello, Chrysalis. I haven't read about you in quite some time.

Good chap. Although I am curious as to what Twilight did to gain the active ire of 3 of her friends.

Maybe changelings have something to do with it. :unsuresweetie:

Dear Celestia,
Today I learned I enjoy this story SO MUCH I'm going to follow whoever wrote it on FIMfiction.net
-Golden Diamond

Ah. That explains things quite a bit. Step 1: Pretend to be Twilight. Check. Step 2: Break up friendships, rendering Elements of Harmony useless. Check. Step 3? Step 4: Profit. I'm really enjoying this. Keep up the good work. :pinkiesmile:

Just one thing: MOAR!!!

Ah, Queen Chrysalis I've been expecting you :trixieshiftright: I never thought I would say this but .. APPLEJACK YOU INCONSIDERATE SACK OF HORSEAPPLES!! Macintosh do you agree with me? Eeyup:eeyup:

I'm a sucker for TwiDash, so... *adds to read later* :twilightsmile:

3962896

Indeed, though given this is Chrysalis we're talking about, she probably fucked it up somehow by not doing any of her groundwork research. So the whole plan is going to come flying apart in front of her eyes in about eight hours.

Wow. 100 likes, 150 faves, and 550 views. I have to say, I never expected this! Thank you all for your support and blah blah sappy stuff but seriously you guys/girls are the best.

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