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Celestia and Luna have wasted themselves at one of their annual new year’s parties as per usual. With new resolutions both princesses take the rest of the night off to rest, but as they sleep their magic spirals out of control and turns their drunken dreams into the new Equestria. No pony realizes that this Equestria is just a drunken dream except for Pinkie Pie who teams up with an unlikely ally to change Equestria back to normal.
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Shouldn't this be called "Paper Pie AND the Thousand Year Dream?"
2787442
That's exactly what I was going to call it, but then I took another look at the cover of the Paper Mario game and there is no "and". So I left that out, granted that was half a year ago when I started toying with this idea and now that you bring it up, it looks rather silly. Thanks for your words of wisdom .
2787502 Don't mention it!
Looking really good! I'll have to keep TWO eyes on this one.
prologue
2792556
The one thing I forgot to spell check. Thanks for pointing that out.
This is the second fic I have come across that is crossed in some way with "Paper Mario and The Thousand Year door". I'm interested in what you do with this idea. Good luck.
I am a total sucker for a Paper Mario fic.
Here comes the critique
a good start but your lack of writing experience shows. from this chapter alone I can see these two are extremely out of character.
Try to avoid reusing descriptions. I noticed the word old almost side by side almost immediately..
there are better ways to describe pinkie falling asleep... like actually describing it.
A good start though. far from the worst fic I read.
gonna link it to a few "Friends" maybe get some viewers coming in. or something.
Oh? Celly's finally gotten a sense of humor? Looking through the episodes, *at ths there is a shattering sound in the background,* I see she's certainly come up from the stuffy perfect princess she was before my ascension.
2876218
I believe I have I good idea of what the other Paper Mario related story you mentioned is, but if at all possible could you give me with a link? I'd love to know what fellow authors are doing with similar material.
2876344
Thanks for the helpful critique and you’re right I do have a significant lack of writing experience, so I appreciate all the help I can get. As for the Pinkie Pie and Discord being out of character I acknowledge that to be the sad truth. I could give several lame excuses for this, but the bottom line is my brain just didn't want to work with me on getting the characters right. So I'm just going to have to come back and revise this chapter later, once I grasp the characters better.
Anyways thanks for your helpful feedback, I’ll try my best to take it into consideration when writing the next chapter.
2877418 It's called The Glitz Pit and it crosses one of the more fun segments with ponies. The Glitz Pit was one of the more fun areas, and gave you one of the more useful character, which was also unique, the Yoshi. They came in a variety of colors, and you got to name them. It was fun spitting an enemy out at one of their allies to do both of them damage.
2876344 heh friends oh and ill give my criticism in my next comment
K criticism time!
i agree with>>2876344 that pinkie and discord are a little off. but i do see some bits of humor here and there that got me to smile!
but i do thing you need to describe more and or add fighting scenes other than just skipping to after the battle that you did with gilda. other than that i say good job and good night!
(its 10:35 for me right now)
2877736
Sweet some more helpful feedback! Once again I agree with the flaws pointed out. Despite all of the apparent flaws I'm glad that some of the humor I was trying to get in wasn't lost. And with this I'm officially reworking the chapter so that Pinkie and Discrod are more in character. Along with adding more descriptions to the chapter.
2882530 Thanks cool!
good luck with that and ill read the chapter when it come sout i hope (if i dont forget no offence im reading over 20+ stories right now and amd criticizing them
PEACE OFF HUUUUEAHHH!!
)
2877643 Yeah I thought it was this one, that one been sitting on my watch list for a while, should really get around to reading it soon. Also I doubt you'd find a fan of the game that wouldn't agree with you about the Glitz Pit being one of the best areas in the game. Argh! I really want to start writing the Glitz Pit arc now!
2937255 I also liked the segment with Dooplis(think that is the spelling) I can't really remember the name of the area(maybe Twilight town), but it had a special feel to it and it seemed to apply some special and interesting dynamics and secrets , as well as the addition of the best character(in my opinion) to your team, Vivian(think that's the name).
you switch tenses a few times, just so you know
4325071
My teachers always did say I had a problem with that, I'll try to keep that in mind when editing the next chapter. Also why does my notifications decide to work now, after being AFK on me for six months?