Apple Bloom's taste for a magical apple had reached great heights, and had gained a huge interest in finding more of them. As she searched for the apples, she learned a tragic, discouraging history of her family, but continues her search nonetheless. For the longest time, only Granny Smith knew about the golden apple's dark secret.
Will Apple Bloom find more of these apples, or will history repeat itself and bring danger to her friends and family?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is actually off to a good start. I'm curious to see the rest!
2094781
Glad you like it so far. I just hope more will agree.
This is starting to remind me of Sweetie's Mansion, what with all the adventurous mayhem going around. Doesn't exactly help that both stories go through bad grammar at times though. Try to work on that.
Considering that AJ is NOT dead yet, I'd have to say it's really up to how you handle the next bit. Either you explore a more thoughtful and emotionally controlled side of Pando, or you kill Applejack. Either way, Apple Bloom is the real focus of the story, so it doesn't matter in the end.
2291213
I'm just gonna say that Apple Bloom will really have to move her flank to fix this mess up.
The poor girl.
2294190
Considering that Apple Bloom is already supposed to be the central character, that doesn't surprise me. She has done almost nothing, and AJ's impending doom is probably the biggest thing to worry about, whether AB is in the shadows or not.
2294979
Yeah, I have throw AB in the shadows, haven't I? Well worry not, for she's gonna become really important again really soon.
Seeing as how Apple Bloom's courage in the face of danger is the premise of the story, I think we can say she'll survive. Otherwise, the opening statement that Apple Bloom handled the events of the story perfectly will be a lie. It doesn't mean that SB and Scoots will live, but Pando would seem less powerful than I think he is if they died because of his stupidity.
2308836
Aww, you think Pando is stupid?
2309356
More like the stupid of foolishness than actual knowledge. There's no telling how ancient he is, thus giving no real perception to what he can think.
2310959
Well the way I see it, if someone's willing to do anything, and I mean anything, to save their child, they'd probably be as extreme as Pando.
Mmm... You've got a good plotline going here, I'll give you that. :D This really deserves more attention! However, there are some grammar mistakes and some odd wording - if you're writing this from the granny's POV, then there are some things you have here that I can't imagine an old person saying. xD Some of the time you aren't indicating who's speaking either. I'd have to re-read it a few times, which I of course don't mind doing :P, but I can offer to proofread it through for you if you like.
Anyway, yay for Applejack! I love your characterization of her, she's so selfless here. But why can't Pando just wait for the ponies to... excrete the seed out, if I could be so blunt? xD I know there wouldn't be any story to it otherwise, but... lol.
2312110
Proofreading ain't my strongest point, so sorry for the grammer mistake, I sometimes don't say who's speaking cause it felt like those times are pretty obvious to me. In the future, I'll be sure to take extra precautions so that doesn't happen again. As for Pando, his character thinks very little of ponies, so one of their lives don't mean a whole lot to him.
Thanks for commenting. I'll consider it all when I write the rest.
2313190 Well, yeah... I meant that I can do the proofreading part for you if you like, and send you a fixed version. xD If you'd prefer not, that's fine. :D
And no problem, I can't wait to see where you go with this. :D
2313709
Hmm. I may have to take you up on that offer.
2314229 Lovely! I'll get started soon for you then. :D
2315113
Well at least wait until I actually upload a new chapter.
And so it begins...
2341265
IT...IS...ON!
Yep, you've definitely made an improvement!
... But there are still a few little errors. D: I'll assume you'll want me to start soon now, so do you have skype or anything? Rather than editing willy-nilly I'd prefer to discuss a change with you beforehand!
Good chapter, though! Not sure if I should feel sorry for Diamond Tiara or not. xD
2341476
I've improved because I switched to a spell checker that could also fix grammer problems. And no, I don't have skype. Isn't it possible to send private message on this site?
As for diamond tiara, even I don't know if I should feel bad.
2341572 Nice. They definitely help. ^^
But yeah, I find IMs more convenient, personally, but PMs will work still. :D I'll message you soon with chapter 1!
2341627
Okie Dokie Loki
Interesting. I wonder what 'Spoon will do, now that she's had a taste for what's happening. Hope to find out what will happen to 'Tiara soon!
Interesting he seems like Wispy Woods in a way being a talking tree. Pando Everfree, now that's a character.
3725440 Actually, he's my main inspiration for the character. More specifically, the anime version of him.
But...yeah, one of these days, I gotta write that damn last chapter.
3725626 I see. That's pretty cool actually.
Hmm, with the premise of the story, I could probably see a sequel to this story being done at one point. Applebloom and the others could easily befriend Pando like Kirby befriended Wispy and act as protectors of the Orphan Trees as well keeping those who would cause harm away.
Any chance of another chapter?