- Member Since 5th Nov, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 8th, 2013
Tactical Bacon
I don't know what else there is to say. It's BACON in a CAN.
Tactical Bacon
Joined 5th Nov, 2012 ·
Offline
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ehh... could have been better. Keep practicing.
Quite amusing, my good fellow.
Totally had me right up to Scootaloo producing a strap-on. Lost my suspension of dis-belief of that one. A little explanation as to how she got that wouldn't go amiss. But alas, me trying to apply logic to clopfic. Keep up the writing. You have potential.
That escalated quickly...
ummmmm woah
Uhhhhhhhh.....
I've seen better but than again I've seen worse this story caught my attention then I had to leave for a few minuets around the time where scootaloo announced she had been eating sweetie belle out
but overall pretty good story
it felt rushed and had a lot of telling rather than showing.
NOPE
1861396 This.
good story felt rushed.
I liked your "Please let me live." comment! It reminded me of when I was playing HALO 4. I was playing Legendary on the campaign and my shields were down. I saw an Elite run up to me and I said, "Please don't kill me! Let me walk free!" and then I got kicked in the face.
Grammar errors all over the place, but good story overall. Kept me going, even if it was for a short time.
1895829 I can usually edit really well on other things, just not my own work.
I love it
2102729>>1895829>>1895319>>1860160
PLEASE EXPLAIN THESE GOLD BARS TO ME
EDIT: HOLY SHIT I HAVE ONE TOO
2356311 Gold bars? Please explain sir or ma'am.
2366227
April fools day a bunch ofpeople had FIMFICTION GOLD t5ags on their accounts
2367530 Oh how strange :D
Pretty good
Well this was.. a nice idea but honestly the way its written just breaks it for me I mean :
"Scootaloo had to bite her lower lip to keep from crying out in pure ecstasy. Rainbow dash also began to massage her clit while eating Scootaloo out. Scootaloo came and Raimbow made sure to lick up all of her juices. Scootaloo announced that she had something she wanted to try and walked over to a corner to the clubhouse. She lifted up a loose floorboard and pulled out a strap-on dildo."
It just shows very little emotion or build up which makes it difficult to stay invested in the story.. overall nice but the execution needs some work imho
MORE of this couple, but with more romance!
GOOD JOB!
Editing required. Many things are abrupt and need slower buildup or transition. Also, whenever another character starts talking, a new paragraph needs to be made. I'm talking specifically about the dialog between (1) Dash and the pony with the newspaper, and (2) Dash and Scootaloo talking between "actions"
Other than that, not too bad for a first clopfic.
Wow, this is a weird story... Help me...! I don't know what to make of it. He's forcing me.