Squiggly Cup
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I'm not sure if you can post author updates or anything, but I just was gonna comment that the next chapter should be out tonight, It involves lots of cuddling (can't believe I just said that lol, still feel awkward writing these stories ) so look out for that. I'd also like to say that they're will be a wedding chapter at some point which will probably be followed by the first time sex chapter. Anybody got advice on that, writing romance still feels kinda awkward for me lol. I'm sitting here typing like "and they kissed and uh... there was tongue and stuff. Maybe other stuff down below. Oh my god what am I writing" lol
7004279 The best advice I can give you if you wanna write erotic fiction is to read the really good ones first. There, you'll see tons of ways to describe intimate scenes other than, "...then they went to the room and sexed. Next morning, the sun rose..." And that's usually the time you use tons of metaphors like fire, heat, galaxies, stars, and etc. This is usually the time you apply the golden rule of writing a good fic:
7004279 awesome first chapter. Want more soon!
The argument between them, in my opinion, seems kind of forced— like it was put there so that drama and snuggling ensues.
I felt like it was also resolved too fast, an argument big enough to actually cause Twilight to rage like that usually needs buildup from the start. And I can't tell whether or not the thing I felt "off" was the fact that Rainbow's self-esteem suddenly dropped to 0 once Twilight attacked or whether the argument was resolved far too quickly. I felt like RD's character would have fought more or been more dominant a little bit over Twilight so maybe that's why I couldn't really tell myself that this was Rainbow Dash. The one usually to act like this would be fluttershy.
Nevertheless, I want to see the second chapter.
7005005 Yeah I mean i'm not gonna lie I thought of all that same stuff while writing it lol. Though I just kinda tossed it out there without editing it, I wrote and then just published lol. I do wanna go back and add more fuel to the flame for Twilight to be mad and to actually make what she says a little more harsh so that Rainbow getting depressed so easily makes more sense.
I do wanna give Rainbow the more brave and brash personality but at the same time I am looking to explore her softer side which is something i've always loved in Twidash fics. I'm gonna put up the next chapter soon and I think you'll definitely see what I mean. *cough* *cough* dash likes being little spoon.
Also I was watching Adventure Time and realized that Marceline's problem song could work well for a twidash songfic, but i'm not one to do songfics so i'm gonna post the lyrics. rainbow being marceline, twilight princess bubblegum
"Sorry I don't treat you like a goddess,
Is that what you want me to do?
Sorry I don't treat you like you're perfect,
Like all your little loyal subjects do,
Sorry I'm not made of sugar,
Am I not sweet enough for you?
Is that why you always avoid me?
That must be such an inconvenience to you,
Well... I'm just your problem,
I'm just your problem,
It's like I'm not even a person, am I?
I'm just your problem"
Nice stories, but check the use of "your" and "you're"
7005195 I'd like to see that :)
Not a bad story; cute and it shows the consequences of speaking/acting rashly.
A small bit of advice to help clean up your writing: be mindful of the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. Your determines ownership or association, and you're is a contraction meaning 'you are'. There are several points in the story where you use 'your' when you should be using 'you're', like here:
There are a few punctuation and capitalisation issues I noticed, too, but the your and you're thing is a personal pet peeve.
Hope I'm not coming across as pretentious, but it'll help your writing! Cheers.
7112508 No I know, I have issues with those. I don't take my time when I write I just type as fast as I can go and rarely proofread before putting it out. Not bad for not proof reading at all though eh?
What does a mare have to do to get a little privacy?!?!
So this story is gonna be put on the burner for a bit, cause i'm starting up an Alan Wake themed mlp story, but that also features Twidash :)
Might try and go all out on it, you know... proofreading and everything.
Very good so far. Those stallions got off easy. If I was there...heads would start rolling.
I've run in to this same problem.
Let's just say those stallions got off easy compared to what we did.
(full blown bar fight)
Oh but im so happy to see an update. Still waiting on the skootldopt
7139047 Got ya, I'll make sure they get some more hell to pay in the part 2 ;)
"they're not cute *aah*" but was cut off by her own gasp as she felt Twilight nibble on her ear. Rainbow would be a liar if she said that wasn't one of the best things she's felt in her life.
If she thought that felt good, wait until she feels “other” things.
I am going straight to Hell for that comment. But it's not like I won't know anybody.
Rainbow looked over her shoulder at an embarrassed an alicorn, and then back at the fillies "You kinda surprised us, me and Twilight were just playing a game of uh...." Rainbow searched her brain for an excuse before receiving a blunt answer.
"a game of Tonsil Hockey?" Scootaloo finished for her, grinning.
I just spat out my drink when I read this.
I'm a straight male myself but those stallions deserved to get their asses kicked. Fillyfooler, colt cuddler, or straight. It. Don't. Matter.
Also. I look forward to more chapters soon.
7167135 lol really? awesome. I'm pretty lazy with writing considering its something I have to be in a certain mood for but i'll try and get the next chapter out soon. I specifically have to write at night when it starts to get dark, I just am to awake during the day to relax and write.
her*
Did the teen rating get forgotten in the middle there ?
I wanted to like this story but I just can't Twi and Dash both seem off and your telling me Tei can't handle some random average unicorn and Pegasus yeah I don't buy it
7203527 well I don't know, I purposely toned her down a bit. Everyone has their own ideal versions of their characters, and for me I feel like the whole Twilight fighting Tirek type Twilight is a bit much lol it's not Dragon Ball Z or Naruto. So i'm fine with her being powerful, but not exactly all powerful and almighty I don't know.
Somewhat spoilerish for where I plan on taking the story, but it's not a big deal honestly. I just wanna know what people think, it's kind of generic.
I'm hoping to have this 2 or 3 part (watching the cmc) bit go into Rainbow and Twilight bonding with Scootaloo and also making them question whether or not they would ever want kids someday. Down the line In later chapters I plan to implement Scootadopt but I wanna do the marriage chapter first at least before that. Plus a chapter where they discover she's an orphan so that'll probably be a two parter for the adoption.
MORE PLEASE!!!
7325100 Will do, but i've got a little bit of a different TwiDash story hopefully coming out tonight. It's got kind of a Game of Thrones spoiler in it, but not really. It's loosely based off a certain wedding.
7326172 I have never seen Game of Thrones actually.
7326208 well, loosely based off of it. It doesn't technically spoil anything, but if you do end up watching it, it'll keep you on your toes.
7326360 ah. I gotcha. Well looking forward to it!
That was a cute chapter.
7342506 Thanks! :) I was worried Twilight's lines came off as more robotic and Rainbow's seemed much more passionate.
I like this. I'll suggest it to my fans.
6 out of 5 mustaches. 
/
7345383 Thats good to hear. I have another two part set of chapters I'm working on that have a pretty fun idea to go with them. It's also my first attempt at writing a uh.. hot and heavy scene lol.
7345462 If you need any help just ask.
Alright so Part 1 and 2 for "The Sex Off" are out. Honestly they felt kind of meh to me. The idea was from an episode of That 70's Show and I thought that was a cool idea, but I feel like I didn't really deliver on it too much. Like it felt like these two chapters didn't really fit with the other ones, i'm not sure. Either way though i'm thinking about kinda branching off from this story and making Twidash stories that stand on their own. They'll be slightly longer one-shots and maybe some longer lasting ones, cause I do wanna do something Scootadopt. So something like "Standing Up" 1 and 2 would kind of both be put together as it's own story on the site.
Jesus that beginning scared the living hell out of me
7132343 Not make-out with your marefriend in semi-public places, I'm thinkin'.
Pony.
Second, you live in a place where one third of the population can fly. This does not seem conducive to privacy on a rooftop.
Oh, and before I forget...
Great
Those guys deserved to get their asses kicked. Goddamn, I hate TwiDash, but who has the right to judge them for dating? Jesus!
This was cute. It could use a bit of editing but I enjoyed it.
Hahaha eye full of sexy Twi thigh! Hahaha too good hahaha!
They're always one, and it's always in a bar. Damn idiots can't learn a thing about equality.
Equestria has Left 4 Dead? SIGN ME UP!
I liked this one it made me laugh a lot keep it up man.
I'm sorry to have caught you on this but you misspelled Bale on a few occasions in one of the chapters, a whoopsie on your end I suppose..
You need to start a new paragraph every time a new character talks