You can't escape from the sins of your ancestors.
The title image is by kvernikovskiy. You can find more of his wonderful art at his deviant art page. http://kvernikovskiy.deviantart.com/
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Unfoundedfall
Joined 10th May, 2012 ·
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You're wrighting style really captures the personality of Blueblood, and you've got a pretty extensive vocabulary at your disposal. I'd say this is a pretty decent prologue. However, I think you may have made a slight grammatical error.
Shouldn't it be 'in this accursed mansion you will only invite a painful death upon you' ?
That aside, I've got a good feeling about this. It's well written and pretty immersing.
You have a lot of issues with sentence splicing, often having run-ons or incomplete.
1830857
Ah thank you I'm glad you liked it. I hope I can make the rest of the story live up to your expectations.
You're right I think I did mess up there. I'll fix that when I get a chance.
1830986
Thanks for reading. I know, however that was on purpose. Before I come off as one of those overly defensive writers...this story is rather informal. It is a journal (If journal would be the right term) of Bluebloods last few months of life and why he believes that his family line should end with him. It is written in what Blueblood believes to be his last few moments of life. Does that make sense? Although I'm sure there are a places where I didn't intend to do that and messed up though.
1830857
I knew there was more I had wanted to say. I couldn't think of anypony that would suit this style of writing better than Blueblood. I'm glad I wasn't the only to have thought so.
1831057
Here's hoping he only thinks that he's close to his end!
Really curious about what it is he thinks should spell the end of his family. Celestia herself apparently believes he should not dwell on his heritage; that he is his own being, not just a product of the past. Arthur Jermyn self-destructed upon learning - what did Blueblood find? We'll have to see...
1831057 Yeah, it makes sense. I've seen Stephen king do it before in, "The End of The Whole Mess." Still, it's confusing to a lot of people. No matter what, though, you want to make sure you add possessive to Blueblood no matter what though ( Blueblood's )
1831370
Indeed Arthur Jermyn's fate was quite unfortunate. Maybe Blueblood won't meet the fate of a Lovecraftian protagonist. (I haven't decided how it will end yet...I hope that's not too amateurish of me.)
1831644
Do you think it would help others to understand if I put some kind of disclaimer about that in the description?
Also thanks for pointing that out. So its possessive with an 's? I'm pretty shaky on the basics of English.
1832168 Yes, anything possessive ends with an 's. The only word that doesn't follow that rule is the word it. if you are doing a conjunction of it is, it becomes it's. But if you have a possessive word, like its house, you have no apostrophe.
It's just weird.
1832272
That's it? That is no where near as complicated as I remembered it being. Thank you.
You have me interested. I always wanted to read about Blueblood starring in his own horror story. I love him and I want to see him be surrounded by unexplained horrors. I'm weird that way.
Anyway, your intro is a good start and the way you portray Blueblood is good too. Keep it up!
Was the small town named Innsmouth, per any chance?
1835663
Thank you. I thought I hated Blueblood...but I think I like him since he and his ancestors are (or will be) in every story I've written so far.
P.S. I think everyone wants to see him surrounded by unexplained horrors. That situation seems to fit him very well.
1837333
I briefly entertained that idea...but no. I felt it would be a disservice to just take the name like that. I'm trying to come up with a nice alternative. (If you don't want to read my rambling feel free to stop here. That's all the next paragraph is)
The town itself is a combination between of the town from "The Rats in the Wall" and Innsmouth. I'm still trying to be somewhat original though. Well as original as someone who isn't very creative can be. This is a Lovecraft imitation. (Imitation of both style and plot. Lovecraft is my favorite author) I guess I've succeeded in that so far since it is fairly obvious. Also there's already a "Shadow Over Innsmouth" fanfic out there. From what I had read it was pretty good. If you want I can try to find a link for it.
1837646
Seen it.
And yes, there is a certain notion to all of this. Celestia`s the biggest question, though. Why does she tolerate it? Why does she keep it under wraps? What is her gesheft in all of this?
1837685
There actually is a reason for that. One that may or may not be in character for Celestia, depending on your headcanon of her. The only real problem I'm facing is fitting that into the story. Perhaps I should extend the number of chapters I had planned.
1837772
I can think of many things. From the obvious "world must have SOME horrors in order to allow ponies to understand happiness" to no less obvious "Well, that`s kinda me too." explanation.
It would be more amusing to see an explanation that does not veer into either of those too sharp.
1837899
Oh no nothing like that. I like to think of Celestia as exactly as she is presented. (Basically I think of her as a saint.) I'll see if I can't think of a good way to explain that without it feeling like I shoehorned it in there.
1845580
Well, another notion I can think of is that Celestia believes the evil that Blueblood`s family perpetrated is no more and merely wishes to spare Blueblood the horror of discovery. That would also explain Blueblood`s behavior quirks - he`s spoiled silly.
Blueblood Alhazred. Sounds interesting, by the way.
...Also, for some reason, I`ve imagined Celestia with pet shoggoth.
Speaking of alternative... How about Bloodwell? Both ominous and hints to connection with Bluebloods.
1845927
You are actually spot on there. It's by no means a unique use of Celestia but I think that fits her very well.
Lord Blueblood (the first), "The Mad Unicorn". That actually has a lot of potential for a good story. Or at least a recurring device.
If anyone could keep a shoggoth without worrying about it gaining sentience it would be a god/goddess.
That's...actually a great name. If you don't mind I would definitely like to use that.
1846583
Of course I don`t mind. Why would I suggest using it if I minded? ^_^
And I sort of just see Celestia going on "Aww, it`s simply adorable!" while everypony else is inches away from having their sanity take a leave from what they`ve just seen. Regarding to shoggoth, I mean.
1846666
Awesome thanks.
That actually has all the workings of a great comedy fic.
1848133
Celestia`s new pet!
After reading about pet play dates, Celestia feels like she would have a great fun joining in on activity... but she needs a pet. So she goes to look for one... In all the wrong places. Ends up adopting shoggoth, because "It`s so cuoot! Look at how it glows in dark and floats it`s eyes around!". Other ponies are... less then enthused.
1848182
Brilliant.
If you can you should definitely write that.
Brilliant, I smell a Lovecraftian styled story with lots of inescapable heritage and genealogy, continue my dear sir!
has this been canceled?
2162095
No it hasn't, I am truly sorry for the wait. When I signed up for courses this semester I unknowingly signed up for three essay heavy courses. Class work has taken pretty much all of my free time. I'll try to get it out as soon as I can. Unfortunately as much as I love writing fiction, college work has to come first. However, I'll definitely bump this up a few notches on my to-do list.
P.S. Sorry, I thought I had already responded to your comment from before. Thank you very much for the compliment. I hope my story won't disappoint.
A combination of "The Rats in the Wall" and Innsmouth? Sounds interesting.
oooooohhh it has an amnesia vibe to it
please make more