What is this strange power? Was it an accident or is there a reason for Applejack's new abilities? Most frightening of all; if there is a reason behind these powers then what could they possibly be for? One thing is for sure; nothing is as it seems and nopony is completely trustworthy.
This is a crossover fic with The Mentalist. Other than a crossover tag I don't really know what other tags to use so, um, sorry about that. As usual if you notice any spelling or grammar mistakes please tell me.
Chapters (6)
I.LOVE.THE.MENTALIST!! I was gonna write a fanfic too. But mine was that Lisbon turned into Fluttershy because something went wrong when Twilight tried to get her to be more assertive. Now Lisbon has to interrogate people as a little yellow and pink pony XD But anyways, this looks awesome!!!
1756338 Thank you.
I was wondering if anyone who read this would actually have seen the show. Nice to see a fellow fan here. 
That sounds like a cool idea, I'd like to see it published. I think Lisbon would make a cute pony.
Hmmm I'll track this I love that show
1756348 I think she would blame Jane XD
Some rough edges, but I'm enjoying it.
1786979 Glad you're liking it. What kind of rough edges? Anything I could fix or work on?
1786981
Well, the chapters are short sometimes things feel a little rushed. It's sort of a trade off I guess. shorter chapters keeps the readers attention and more frequent updates are always good, but it also makes it much harder to pace your story appropriately.
I also take a little issue with that lack of... pointless dialogue? I dunno. In this story whenever characters interact it feels like it's advancing the story rather than just two people have a natural conversation. When I write, I try to keep things... organic, I guess. And I usually do this with fairly lengthy conversations that go off topic or just serve no purpose other than to give the reader an idea of how these characters behave regularly. That said, I have had conversations with writers who have an entirely different approach.
Don't take my advice as law. It's worth remembering I'm a writer with my own biases. The things I mentioned above could just be me. I write with long chapters, and meandering scenes/conversations.
I am liking this well enough though.
1786981
Other things too. AJ fainting felt a little sudden and easily accepted. Um... I dunno. This story has a few issues and I'll see if I can help point them out in future chapters. Oh, and everypony ships are amusing, but very hard to build around. Fluttershy and Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Twilight... at this rate you'll be doing Appledash. I'm not against everypony ships as a rule, but they can be hard to work with. Just a heads up.
1786995 Thanks for the opinions,
I'll try hard to keep that in mind. Usually I like to have nice lengthy dialogue as well but I guess it just didn't end up coming out that way. As for the short chapters thing... I've never really been able to write really long chapters although I would like to, I love stories with nice long chapters although I think I hit my limit of how long a chapter I can read when I tried to read background pony. 
1787007 Yea the faint was a little abrupt wasn't it?
Ah, you noticed the shipping fixation I seem to have in this story. You do not yet see my master plan... MWA HA HA HA
1787012
Background pony's not for everyone. I lost interest in it after a while. Personally I find it hard to keep a lid on my chapters. I'm always thinking 'just one more scene, go ahead you can squeeze it in'. Then when I finally stop I look up an realise 'Crap. This is twenty thousand words.'
1787020 I only lost interest because I thought that Lyra should have ended up with Twilight... ok maybe I am a touch ship-happy. Perhaps one day I'll get the hang of long chapters but as it is I suppose I'll just have to be content writing scenes not chapters.
1787019
Master plan? Colour me intrigued.
1787026
Hey, I got no problem with shipping. I've done Appledash and OctaScratch in Penumbra. Mind you, Penumrba really isn't a shipping story. At all... and it's really freaking weird. Whatever. Shipping is fine as long as it's good.
Another thing I just feel like mentioning is that I love in the Mentalist that Patrick Jane is a total wimp when it comes to any actual fights or confrontation. But I can't really picture AJ hiding in the corner and cringing.
A giant D? Could it be Derpy? She was the one who delivered the letter. And I doubt Dash would be smart enough not to leave any trace.
1789475 I didn't murder Rarity... I wrote a story in which she was murdered... totally different.
No I can't really see Applejack hiding in a corner and wailing, "Lisbon, help, they've got guns." Mind you I'm not really sure how ponies would use guns.
Ah, I see you're starting to play super sleuth, I shall have to start calling you Applejack, or Jane?
1791092
Oh no I'm not judging you. After all I'm friends with Orphius 'Twilight killer' Olyandra, and I've killed more than a few cannon characters in my own stories, A Long Journey and Penumbra. I'm actually pleased that you did so.
Yeah, it's so damn funny how Patrick's so much more feminine then Lisbon.
Please, no need for the jokes at my expense. It's a mystery thriller thing. Of course I'm gonna try to figure out the killer before hand.
1791175 Of course you are. to be honest I was hoping someone would. How else will I know that I'm leaving misleading enough evidence?
I posted the first chapter of my mentalist story if you want to check it out, btw this is awesome!
1796451 Awesome, will do.
Dun, dun Duuuhn!
It's pretty obvious Spike didn't do it though.
1813867 To find the culprit, read on...
Did this chapter read as more slow paced or am I still going at breakneck speed?
1813960
It was a bit better. Actually, it was fine. There was enough happening to keep me reading, but not too much that it felt like things didn't get enough attention. Maybe a little more time spent on the Rarity's dead scene would have worked. It wasn't bad, but that's a slightly weightier topic than it was given credit as being.
1813973 To be honest, you've touched on one of my bigger problems as a writer, that being that I'm pretty much incapable of writing anything with someone's reaction to the death of someone they're close to. I don't know why this should be the case as I think I manage generic sad ok. Why would I chose to write this story given that weakness, I hear you ask? To that I say; I dunno.
1814239
That's a pretty specific weakness.
1814286 I guess, I suppose that should make it easier to avoid. That makes it even stranger that I put my foot straight in it.
1814291
Don't blame me. I didn't brain wash you.
1814296 Suuuuuurrree you didn't...
1814301
Why is it you sound so unconvinced?
1814308 Because I'm writing a murder mystery, it's my job to be suspicious of everyone.
Well, that ending was pretty darn bleak. Not that I dislike bleak endings, just saying. I'm a little disappointed by the whole demon possession thing. It feels kinda like an excuse not to blame Spike. I suppose you did set it up with the D and all, but still. I'd kinda prefer it if Spike just did it. Applejack's going to live thousands of years? Tough break. This actually kinda feels like an origin story more than a completed story. Is there going to be a sequel to this or something?
In the end... that was an alright story with a pretty great ending. Despite the 'not your fault' thing with Spike being kinda lame, the extreme bleakness of the rest of it really pleased me.
1950218 Yea, it did occur to me that it was kinda lame to have it be a demon that possessed him but that was the original idea I had and I thought it worked better than Spike actually doing it because he does love her and I can't really see him killing Rarity of his own free will. I probably could have done more to set it up, though. I was happy with the rather bleak ending myself.
I actually write quite a lot of bleak stuff but this is the first time I've written a bleak pony fic. It was kind of fun to apply my depressing mind to these characters to see how they would deal with it. I wasn't planning a sequel but hmmmm... that could be fun... maybe some day...
Upon further thought, I don't think I'll ever want to write a sequel. It'd be cool if someone else did though.
1796451 what's the link URL?