2717820 oh thanks I guess this is one of my horrible stories.

Well reading from start to finish...I gotta say the story's writing and execution is rough but not so much I could not grasp what it was you were trying to present. All in all, I like the story and the setting it tries to convey. I'd suggest you try re-writing it at a later date, it is good enough Big Mac that I'd say it deserves not only another chance, but a chance when you feel you can bring out the best in it.

Ignore the negative responses and views, no writer starts off as a epic success, we all must work our way to what we want; sharing the stories we see in our own mind's eye with others who we hope will enjoy them.

Keep going, keep writing, keep imagining

2856567 to be honest this was my first story ever and well i kinda think i could have done better but thank you if you want to read my best so far i would recommend the story of lancer and stronghold but yes eventually when i get used to writing better things i will tear this story apart and fix everything i promise but right now i am trying to get through some rough patches but yes i will gladly strip this down and repair it later thank you for favoriting it.

i i love this sooo much heheh i am mad at the apple family ...but yeah hehehe nice ending

great work on this story I loved it keep up the great work

3622717 it was meant to be comic relief and also a friend said it would be funny at the time. mostly i think sex should be clean unless desired to be dirty or if your a horse.... i kinda go for the dirty sex cause well it gives you time to spend in the shower with each other later.... if they want to that is im not pushy... not my best story anyway...