While the Apples had many visitors, not many of them came in wielding large axes. Big MacIntosh took a step back, but eventually held his ground as the Unicorn stallion advanced on him.
“Where’s Applejack?”
“Who are you?” Big Mac demanded.
The question got its answer when Spike and the fillies, attracted by the noise, came around from the other side of the room.
"Shining Armor?"
The Unicorn smiled, the bloodlust actually leaving his voice and expression. "Hey, Spike. Do you know where your mother is?"
"Twilight's not my mom, and according to her last message, she's in Manehattan."
"Is Applejack with her?"
"Yep."
The anger returned. "Good. Then I can cut that farmpony up for defiling my sister!"
And then Big Mac roared. "Like hay you are!"
"And what are you going to do to stop me?"
"This!"
Big Mac lunged at Shining Armor, but the Unicorn showed more foresight and conjured up a shield that the Earth Pony struck. Still, as he slid down it he beat at the barrier with his hooves, determined to stop the pony within.
Shining Armor didn't give him the chance. Ignoring Apple Bloom's cry of "Kick his plot, Big Mac!", he undid the shield and ran back toward the chariot he had parked a hundred feet away. Big Mac gave chase, and while he was pretty fast, Shining Armor was in his seat and taking off before he could reach him.
"Dear, please, don't do this...”
“Twilight!”
As the chariot sped off, Big Mac began to chase after it, yelling profanities all the while. After a hundred feet, he stopped and fumed. He had to get to Manehattan, protect his sister...
Then he got an idea. In a hurry, he raced off.
The five fillies and Spike had watched the scene in silence. It was Diamond Tiara who broke the silence.
“Uh... aren’t you going to go with him?”
Apple Bloom looked at her rival. “Huh? Why?”
“Uh, don’t you want to stop him from hurting your sister?”
The young farmpony scoffed. “Please. My sister’s the strongest pony I know other than my brother, and with Twilight there I doubt he’ll get anywhere near her. Let’s just go swimmin’ in the lake.”
Rarity had never been more grateful to get to any destination than she had been that day. The ride from Canterlot to Manehattan had been an awkward one, with several bits of small talk that only left the rift between them even wider than when they had left.
True to his word, Blueblood had taken the bed and left her with the couch. However, much to her surprise he had promised he’d take the couch on night two. He had also, through much stuttering, tried to offer to share the bed, but it was so awkward he couldn’t finish.
It was surreal. As horrid as Blueblood had been, he was always a smooth talker and completely sure of himself. This stuttering, awkward mess was kind of unnerving.
Deciding she needed time apart from Blueblood, she opted to take a walk. Some time alone would do her good. Well, not completely alone. Two stallions were shadowing her at all times, no doubt Royal Guards in disguise, but they wouldn’t interfere with her thinking.
Blueblood was on edge, no doubt about it. Rarity had been content to let the matter drop, but it had so easily set him off. She should do something, right? It would be intrusive, but Blueblood needed it.
Then again, Celestia and the others in the Palace had made an effort to get through to him and failed. They obviously knew him better than she did. Despite the last few days, she was an outsider to him. And with his beastly behavior, he certainly deserved to be miserable.
As she crossed the lobby, she mentally chastised herself. Nopony deserved to be miserable. But what could she do that Celestia couldn’t?
Then a thought occurred to her. She really only had Blueblood’s word that Celestia had tried anything. Was the Princess even aware of the problem? She was good at reading ponies, but having a country to run might have left her with her blind spots.
That’s a start. When they returned to Canterlot she’d have tea with the Princess and tell her of her suspicions. Then she’d get Celestia’s side of the story and...
“You!”
Rarity was snapped out of her thoughts by that one word. She looked and saw Twilight and Applejack standing at the entrance of the hotel, glaring at her.
“Twilight? Applejack? What are you two...”
“Save it, Changeling!”
There were gasps as everypony began giving Rarity a wide berth. The Unicorn’s eyes widened. “What?”
“The real Rarity would never date Blueblood!” Applejack said, advancing forward with her wife. Twilight’s horn began glowing.
Rarity backed up. “Wait, wait, I can explain...”
Twilight hesitated, remembering her brother’s wedding. “Fine. Answer a question only the real Rarity could answer.”
The white Unicorn brightened up. “Ask away.”
“Spike told you his favorite food just before the party. What was it?”
“...Uh...”
”Oh boy, Rarity, Twilight told me Scootaloo’s mom who I didn’t think existed got instructions on how to make...”
Oh this poor boy. Spike, when are you going to get over this little puppy love? You’re simply too young for me. Now that Trenderhoof... mmm... unless I miss my guess, he’s a catch. Oh, what I’d like to do to him...
Twilight’s horn lit up again.
“Wait, ask me something else!”
Twilight sighed. “Fine. Who’s my favorite historical character?”
“Uh...”
What do you mean, you don’t recognize my costume? He only set the stage for every magical discovery ever! He...”
Twilight, dearie, your brains are admirable, but you simply must get out more. You look fantastic, and you look even better dressed up. You should have stallions banging down your door. I wish you’d join me on speed dating...
Again, Twilight’s horn lit up.
“Wait, one more chance.”
“What’s your mother’s maiden name?”
After a moment of silence, Rarity spoke. “...Pass?”
Twilight’s beam was fired. Rarity dodged and immediately began fleeing.
“Blueblood, help!”
“After her!”
Rarity scrambled for the elevators before remembering that was a bad idea and heading for the stairs. Twilight and Applejack followed.
As they did, two guards that had been watching over Rarity looked on.
“Um, you think we should do something?”
“Do you want to try taking on the Princess’s personal student?”
“Good point.”
Rarity scrambled up the stairs with Applejack right behind her. Thankfully, Twilight wasn’t as fast and she wasn’t willing to risk another shot if it meant she might hit Applejack.
The farmpony was fast, but thankfully so was Rarity. Not quite fast enough to outrun her friend, but enough to get back to Blueblood. Maybe he could sort this out.
“Get back here!”
Rarity ran. “Look, Applejack, I’m Rarity, I swear!”
“I ain’t fallin’ for that again!” the cowpony yelled. “Twilight was right the last time she said a Changelin’ was around.”
Rarity cried and ran. Much to her relief, fear provided a good adrenaline rush. It wasn’t long before she reached their suite.
“Blueblood! Help!”
The Prince in question looked up from the paperwork he was doing. Before he could ask anything, Applejack burst in.
“What in Celestia’s name?”
“Stay away from her,” Applejack yelled. “She’s a Changeling in disguise!”
“What? No she’s...”
A purple aura engulfed Blueblood. Twilight had entered.
“Don’t worry, I’ll put you somewhere safe!” Twilight yelled.
“No, wait...”
Twilight opened a closet and shoved Blueblood in, slamming the door and sealing it with her magic. “Now you have no shield to hide behind!”
“No, no, wait!”
Twilight shot out another blast. This one was barely dodged, hitting the wall behind it and leaving a large hole that the guests in the room behind them peeped through. Rarity’s survival instinct kicked in, and she was through the hole and out the door on the other side before Twilight could recover from her spent energy.
Applejack, however, was not restrained by any such fatigue. She leapt through after her. She had made it to the door and was about to turn the corner when she ran into a strong barrier. She shook off the ringing in her head to see...
“Shining Armor?”
The bulky Unicorn just glared at her.
“Good, you’re here. We got a Changeling on the run and...”
Shining Armor lifted his axe. Applejack got quiet.
“...Shiny?”
“You corrupted my sister!”
Applejack’s eyes widened. “Wait, Shiny!”
“GAAAAAAH!”
“AAAAAAAAH!”
Applejack barely dodged the axe. Yelling in terror, she bolted in the other direction, with Shining Armor following.
Sadly, Applejack turned into another hallway, which is why Twilight didn’t see her leave as she entered the hallway in search of her target.
Blueblood was a lot stronger than most ponies gave him credit for, and with a few good kicks he managed to get the closet door knocked down. Thankfully, Twilight’s rush job, while better than what many Unicorns could have done in the same situation, was still not up to par with what it should have been.
He saw the hole in the wall and groaned, hitting his hoof with his forehead. His mind was racing. Twilight had probably ruined everything. He needed to save Rarity, and get the guards to swarm the hotel and search it in case the Changelings were here. He needed to find a window and...
A loud crash caused him to jump three feet in the air. His hotel wall had been busted through, by what appeared to be a peddled flying machine. And at its controls was a pink Earth Pony that Blueblood recognized as one of the Bearers.
“We’re here!”
A large red Earth Pony jumped off the back. “Where is he!”
Blueblood blinked. “Who are you?”
“I’m here to stop Shining Armor from hurting my sister!”
Blueblood saw the Apple on his flank and put two and two together. “Oh for... I’m guessing your sister went that way,” he responded, waving a hoof toward the first hole. “While you’re at it, could you stop her from killing Rarity? She thinks she’s a Changeling in disguise.”
Big MacIntosh charged after his sister. Blueblood, meanwhile, went over to the hole he had made in the wall and shot a spell from his horn. The light lit up the sky, and he knew his soldiers would start moving.
Smiling, he turned back into the room and was surprised to see Pinkie still there, looking at him with wide eyes.
“Um... hi?”
“So, are you really dating Rarity? Is Rarity a Changeling? Are you on the misunderstanding part of your relationship?”
“Uh, no we’re not and no she isn’t. This was a plot to catch Changelings that your friends ruined. Aren’t you worried about them?”
“Not really. They can all take care of themselves.”
“Gah! Help!” Applejack ran down the hallway, followed by Shining Armor.
“Aah! Help!” Rarity ran down the perpendicular hallway, followed by Twilight.
Big Mac came charging until he came to a four-way intersection. He looked around, listened for his sister’s screams of panic, and followed.
In the lobby, three parties came together at once.
“Shiny?” Twilight asked.
“Twiley!” Shining said.
“Twi! Help!”
“I’m not a Changeling!
“Get away from my sister!” Big Mac yelled.
It was a melee. Twilight was trying to catch Rarity while stopping Shining Armor from killing Applejack, Shining Armor trying to kill Applejack, Big Mac trying to kill Shining Armor for trying to kill Applejack, and poor Rarity trying to slip away. By now, every civilian had fled, leaving the group to battle.
That is, until...
“Alright, everypony, STOP!
A wave of magic crossed over the five ponies, stopping them dead. Twilight had a large shot charged up, aimed at Rarity, Shining Armor had his axe above his head while Applejack cowered, and Big Mac was crouching to leap at Shining Armor. They turned to see a very unhappy looking Cadance standing next to an equally unhappy looking Blueblood and a happy Pinkie, who was munching on box of popcorn.
“Honestly, you’re acting like children! Twilight, did you learn anything from the wedding?”
“But... Rarity couldn’t answer anything about herself!”
“Really?” Cadance asked, eyeing the white Unicorn.
“I... haven’t paid the greatest bit of attention when others have been talking.”
Cadance shook her head. “That’s not good, Rarity. It’s polite to listen.” She turned to her husband. “And honestly, Shiny, you were ready to disown Twilight when she tried interfering with your love life. Now you’re trying to kill Twilight’s partner?”
“Uh, well... it wasn’t a real axe... I was just gonna hurt her a little...”
“That’s no excuse!” She turned to Big Mac. “You can totally kick my husband’s plot later.”
“Hey!”
“Uh, Cadance?” Twilight asked.
“Don’t give me that, Shiny! You were running around like an animal!”
“Cadance, you need to let me go n-”
“Twiley, I’m not done lecturing you. I’m just as unhappy as you...”
“Cadance, I’m about to drop my...”
Too late.
Twilight had been stopped when she had a spell charged up, and it hadn’t faded. It had hung on Twilight’s horn, and when it wasn’t fired, it began to drop. Unfortunately, it wasn’t any less powerful dropped.
The five were blown in different directions, hitting different walls. They all struck walls, sending cracks across them. But as their vision cleared, they all saw the hole in the floor their spell had caused. They saw into the hotel’s underground basement.
They saw all the equipment sitting down in it, making it clear it had been lived in.
And they saw the creatures that were previously operating them, the same creatures that were now crawling out of it.
“Well, well, well,” Chrysalis said, as her Changelings surrounded her. “Look who finally found us.”
Well then. Now this is exciting.
Yakety Sax music should be playing through the majority of this chapter.
Huh, convenient
Man, that was an amusing thing to happen. From the chapter name, I was thinking that Discord would be involved, although I bet if he was there, he would've enjoyed watching the scene alongside Pinkie Pie. It seems the only members of the Mane Six not there are Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, who are going through an emotional situation at the moment. Please tell me you're going to get back to the FlutterDash subplot soon. I want to see if they stay together. Let me tell you, it would cause me to break apart if they break up. In any case, it looks like the climax of the story has arrived.
Dead of laughter. I can't believe the plot was uncovered like THIS.
Two things: First off, holy crap that was great!
And second, "It's alive!"
6684849
Nope Benny Hill fits better.
That happened.
Fan.
Meet Shit.
Shit.
Meet Fan.
*Shit hits fan*
Comedy tag indeed
6684977
Yakety Sax IS Benny Hill. Listen to them side by side. No different
Don't worry, now they can bond with violence at a different target!
Wow, what are the odds? The laughs in this chapter never stopped!
6684977
Agreed!
6684934
I just hope the FlutterDash subplot hasn't ended. As hilarious as this story is, that plot is what's keeping me going in this thing. I'm hoping that it doesn't end with them going splitsville. That sort of thing can break the heart of a shipper.
I keep being brought back by the did they/will they plot of Pinkie and Big Mac. It is the smallest of the potential plots but it is the one I always wanted to see more of.
It seems like Chrysalis is holding the "villain ball", here. Wouldn't it make more sense to immediately disguise everyone as anonymous ponies in hotel uniforms, run like heck, and set up shop again elsewhere?
That said, I agree that canon-Chrysalis has a history of poorly-thought-out plans and reactions.
(Bonus amusement: The discovery scene reminds me strongly of the "dog key" ending to Silent Hill.)
Shining Armor's response to the situation also seems out of character. I realize you needed an extra train for this train wreck; it just might be best to spell out why he'd be angry instead of happy for Twilight (maybe go with the "she had to get Twilight drunk to agree to this" angle?).
Still reading with interest, at any rate!
This was the best chapter yet. I wanna see a brawl with Shiny and Big Mac.
Clusterfuck: The Chapter
6685236
Because I always pick up new and difficult talents when I'm drunk. did I tell you about the time I learned to ride a unicycle across tightropes while drunk?
Wow, maybe Blueblood should have invited the Main 6 to all stings for while they may always blow opt, they always find their men. Though they need a army for this army. Keep up the good work and chaos reign supreme.
You know, as an afterthought, I think you've missed out on a great joke here.
AJ sees Shining in the hallway, she starts telling him, but is interrupted when he says something along the lines of, "My name is Shining Armor Sparkle, you defiled my sister," lifts up the battle ax, "prepare to die."
Okay am I the only one who was hearing this song when this was going on?
That was fun!
The answer, of course, is "No."
Ponies are incapable of learning anything; that's why they have to keep going through the same lessons over and over again even though the rest of us are like, "You just did this! You just did this exact thing and learned a lesson from it! Do you have a memory?"
Oh geez.
Cue Yakety Sax.
Hope your confidence isn't misplaced.
Say what?
Good point.
Uh, no, no and sortof.
THANK YOU Cadence.
Oh dear.
6685813
The FlutterDash plot is what's got me most invested.
Wow, just wow.
There's a lot of potential murder involved in your love story. Hehe, love it!
6689462
No, it was an axe. I totally didn't just edit the previous chapter just now after reading your comment...
6689613 Obviously the weapon is Both an Axe and a Sword. Which would make it either a Switch Axe or a Charge Blade.
... Probably the Charge Blade given Shiney's predisposition for shields.
6686197
I can't help but think that Pinkie was playing that music while watching the scene.
6685512
But Eddy, what if he wants to break shippers' hearts?
6690704
Why would someone be cruel enough to do a thing like that?
6686146
Shining Armor doesn't have a last name. His name is Shining Armor. Ponies either have 1 to two names [with the few odd ones that have more like Mi Amore Cadenza, or Pinkmena Diane Pie. But those are rare, and cannon.]
_____________________
This was a pretty funny chapter. It was nice to finally see Chryssy get discovered, and it'll be interesting to see where it goes from here.
6691805
"Oh, dear, you assaulted someone of importance. You are now their slave until they deem otherwise and you have no say in the matter. So sorry. I sure hope they don't ask you to do something you're not comfortable with. But then again, you shouldn't have been drunk in the first place. Have fun."
This Equestria place sounds like a real hack.
6692072
Oh Rarity has a choice: she can go to court and get tried for a felony, maybe treason, since she attacked a high ranking government official.
She is in no way, shape, or form Blueblood's slave. Blueblood offered her a way out of trouble and she took it. He can't force Rarity to do anything that wouldn't benefit the mission. And I assure you: Blueblood went through the proper channels off-screen.
6692115
Perhaps I misunderstood.
And finally I get to finish the Darthlinkbomb.
Now I hope this doesn't take too long to finish up. Why did I suddenly get the vibe that Chryssy was somehow behind all of this?
"OH FOR BUCKING CELESTIA'S SAKE! CAN'T I CATCH JUST ONE BREAK?!?"
Ok, I'm reading this story again from the beginning. This is awesome.
*Unable to povide coherant comment, currently dying from laughter*
Well, this chapter was certainly random.
Discord is working overtime!
6689276
It was mentioned once in the last chapter, but I've re-read this one, and he's been ranting at top volume about AJ having "defiled" and "corrupted" Twilight, while waving an axe like a murderous lunatic. That doesn't look like "just annoyed at being tricked into marriage".
Unless he thinks date rape happened, rather than just "ill-thought-out marriage", that's enough of an overreaction to be really disturbing (and really out of character). If he did think that something horrible had happened to Twilight, then a) his in-character reaction would probably be along the lines of arresting AJ and locking her up for eternity with the force of law behind him, and b) he'd at some point have to wonder why Twilight hadn't either vaporized AJ or run to Celestia about whatever horror had occurred.
Long story short, Shining's dialogue could stand tweaking. And if it's a Nerf axe, perhaps make that clearer to the audience earlier? Big Mac chasing him would still occur, as Mac doesn't have to know.
Zoinks !
I hope youve dolled yourselves up for a night on the town, because we're about to see a ballroom blitz.
And in comes Miss Swiss-holes.