Rarity leapt out of Blueblood’s bed, looking absolutely terrified. “What? How... What?”
“It was quite an ordeal last night,” the prince said smugly, stretching.
“You... you brute!” the mare shrieked. “You took advantage of an inebriated girl!”
“Whoa, hey!” Blueblood said defensively, “I did no such thing. What do you take me for?”
“I woke up in your bed, what am I supposed to think? After your beastly behavior at the Gala, how am I to think differently?"
"...Oh yeah, you're the cake mare from the Gala!"
"You don't even remember my name!"
He shrugged. "You're no different than any other floozy that hit on me."
"Floozy! I am a dignified mare, thank you very much, and after your beastly behavior, what am I supposed to think?"
"Okay, I acted like a jerk for one night, and you think I'd take advantage of a drunken mare?"
"What about all those one-night-stands I heard about?"
"I told them going in that it would be a one-time thing. It's their fault for not listening. Say what you will about me bedding so many mares, but I'm always upfront with how it's going to be."
"...Fair point," Rarity pouted. “...But you still let me sleep in your bed!”
“Hmm...I guess I did.”
"Don't you think that's a just a little slimy?"
"...I guess it is. But then again, you came onto me, so I can't say that I'm sorry."
"You...you beast!"
"Sticks and stones," Blueblood muttered, trotting over to his liquor cabinet. "Scotch?"
Pausing, Rarity looked at the clock. "It's ten in the morning."
"Yeah, but I didn't really sleep last night," he muttered, pouring himself a shot.
“How do I even know you’re being honest about not taking advantage of me?”
“I guess you don’t,” Blueblood said smugly. “I don’t really care if you do.”
“Oh really? You would be in real trouble since you dragged me here...” She trailed off. Then she looked around. "How did I even get here? I was in Ponyville last night!”
“I’m not sure," the prince shrugged, standing up, “You just teleported in last night. Besides, I wouldn’t be complaining. Would you rather be waking up in the dungeon? That’s where you really should be after last night."
Rarity blinked. "Wh-what do you mean?"
In response, Blueblood's horn lit up. A panel on one wall containing a rather tacky piece of artwork slid up, revealing a television screen with a VCR hooked onto it. Lighting up his horn once more, the prince levitated up a video tape and inserted it into the machine.
The screen now showed a black-and-white image of the bedroom they were currently in. Blueblood was sitting at a desk against one wall, levitating a quill to fill out several reports. At that moment, Rarity appeared in a flash of white.
"What the?" Blueblood yelped.
"Listen well, you foul," Rarity stumbled a bit, but righted herself, "...you foul beast! I have come to make you pay for your ghastly misconduct!"
"...Oh," the prince said dismissively. "This again. Look, whoever you are, I'm pretty sure I made it clear it was going to be a one-time thing..."
"Hi-yah!" Rarity screamed, suddenly giving a flying kick, an amazing feat for a quadrupedal creature. Much to the mare's surprise, Blueblood blocked it, sending her on the ground onto her back.
"Oh please, if that camel dignitary couldn't kill me, you don't have a..."
Rarity did a leg sweep that knocked him off his hooves and onto his flank. She was quickly up, bringing both of her front hooves down on him, but Blueblood was surprisingly quick, bringing up his hooves to block. She pushed her back, standing up in time to block another buck.
The two continued back and forth for a few minutes until they were deadlocked, looking into each other's eyes.
And then their lips were touching as they fell to the ground.
Blueblood stopped the tape. "Well, you get the idea."
Rarity just stared in shock. "I... whua... uh..."
"And relax, I could tell you were drunk, so it didn't get serious."
"...Right," Rarity said, clearly embarrassed. "I'll just go then," she began trotting out the door.
"Hold it," Blueblood said sternly. "You still assaulted a member of the royal family. That's going to come with some repercussions."
"Re-repercussions?" Rarity said, suddenly nervous.
"I'm afraid you'll be doing some... community service, as it were." Rarity's eyes widened in pure horror. "No, no, nothing like that, I assure you. You won’t be my personal maid or anything like that, I'm not that kind of stallion. Still, you won't be leaving until afterward."
"Oh no," the mare said angrily. "You can't keep me here."
"...Yes I can. I'm pretty much arresting you, lawfully, I might add. The guards outside know it, too, so don’t bother trying to worm your way out."
"I happen to be friends with Princess Celestia's personal student. She'll bail me out of this!"
"Ah, you're friends with Twilight? Nice filly...bit too introverted for my taste, but what can you do?"
"Well, I can call in a favor and get this whole mess dropped!"
"...Perhaps. But do you know what you can't do? Get your reputation back."
"...what?"
"You assaulted a member of the Royal Family. Even if you get a full pardon, your reputation among the elite is going to be ruined, and according to my research, your profession requires you stay in good standing. If you don't cooperate, I'll spill this entire incident to the press."
“Wait...are you...blackmailing me?” she screeched.
“...I suppose I am, though it hardly matters. It would have leaked to the press either way. Besides, what I need you for is a bit important. I’m offering you a chance to escape jail time and serve Equestria, and it needs to be done in secret.”
Rarity was silent for a moment. "...My friends will notice I'm gone..."
"Oh, I took care of that..."
"Rarity?" Pinkie stuck her head in the front door. "Are you in here?"
"Oui," A pony said, stepping out from the back rooms. "It iz I, Rarity, at your service."
This pony looked exactly like Rarity in every conceivable way. She had the same eyes, the same mane, and the same coat. And yet Pinkie couldn’t help but feel that something was off.
"Are you trying a new accent?" Pinkie chirped.
“Uh...oui. I am trying it to improve mi image as a fashion critic.”
“Neato! That old one was a bit stuffy anyway.”
"Grazi. I forgot to tell you all that I am leaving for el fashion designers’ convention in Manehatten that will continue indefinitely."
"...Okie Dokie Lo... wait, something’s not right here...”
“Non, everything is grande!”
“...I don’t know...”
“...Look over there!”
Pinkie looked. “Ooh! A wall!”
The faux Rarity looked at the bottom of her hoof. On it was written several quick sprawls, which read “Twilight - Likes Books, Rainbow Dash - Likes Wonderbolts, Fluttershy - Likes Animals, Pinkie Pie - Likes Parties, and Applejack - Likes... Apples?”
“Hombre, let’s have a party when I return.”
“...Can we do the funnel this time?”
“Oui!”
“Okie Dokie Lokie!”
"What do you mean, it can't be annulled?" Twilight said incredulously.
"It's like I... said," Mayor Mare giggled, showing her the law books. "It's on the books: no marriage can be annulled for at least three weeks after the ceremony."
"But... but we were drunk!” Applejack protested. “Th’ priest could tell! They stuck these bands on us! We can’t even take them off!"
“What’s even the purpose of this law! It’s so arbitrary! It serves no purpose!”
"I'm sorry you two. It's... it's tragic," she stifled a laugh, "but... you two will have to... to tough it out..."
"What... but... mah family..." Applejack felt like crying, imagining Granny Smith's shamed face.
Twilight looked at the quill writing. "This seems freshly written... and it's not with the other marriage laws."
"Oh, yes... well, it's a fairly new law. I just wrote it in here until we can get a revised copy from Canterlot."
"My library gets updates on the law books all the time.... why haven’t I heard of this?"
"...It's really new," the Mayor said nervously.
At that point, a nearby wardrobe popped open, and a large sack of bits tumbled out.
There was a silence.
"What are those?" Applejack demanded.
"...Chocolate."
"Chocolate?"
"...Yes, chocolate coins."
"You have an entire sack full of chocolate coins?" Twilight chimed in.
"...Yes."
"And you're keeping them in an uninsulated wardrobe where they could easily melt instead of a refrigerated area?"
"...Yes."
Twilight's magic engulfed a coin, bringing it up in front of the Mayor's face. "Eat one," the unicorn demanded.
After a pause, the Mayor took the coin. After some hesitation, she put it in her mouth.
For a few seconds, the sound of unholy scraping of teeth against metal filled the room, until finally the Mayor gulped it down. She stopped, gagging, and swallowed a second and third time, until the coin went down. "See?" she smiled.
"...Are your teeth bleeding?" Twilight asked.
"...I don’t think so."
Twilight and Applejack sat back in the library, both of their stomachs churning. It was nearly noon, but neither of them felt like eating.
"You realize what this means, right?" Twilight said. "Somepony is trying to force us to be together."
"What kinda sick, deprived weirdo would force two ponies to be together?"
"Your sister?"
Applejack glared at the unicorn for a minute before sighing. "Well... she was just a filly, she didn't quite get what she was doing."
"I know," she sighed. Then she grimaced. “This is creepy. Who would go through all this trouble? And why?”
“I wanna know how,” Applejack admitted. “How’d they know we’d get so drunk? How’d they know we’d go to Las Pegasus?”
Twilight tensed up. She looked around. “Are...are we being watched?”
Applejack tensed up too. She looked around. Before she could open her mouth, however, Twilight gave a small breath of relief.
“I keep my library under a protection spell...we talk about missions from the Princess all the time, so I had it installed...we’re safe here, at least.”
There was another of the increasingly abundant awkward silences.
"We're going to have to tell the Princess about this."
"You sure, Twi?" Applejack said cautiously. "I mean, I know how much the Princess's approval means to ya..."
"Yeah. Believe me, I'm not looking forward to telling her," she groaned, clutching her stomach. "What if she's so ashamed she doesn't want me..."
Applejack quickly covered her mouth with one hoof. "Twi, please don't lose it, I really can't handle that right now."
"Sorry," Twi said, her mouth still covered.
"I know how you feel, though," the cowpony moaned, removing her hoof. "Mah family... what'll they think?"
"...Applejack?" Twilight said after a pause.
"Yeah?"
"Are you... you know, even into mares?"
"...Yes," the cowpony admitted finally. "What about you?"
"...Bisexual," she said. "I mean, I don't think drinking can change your orientation, so last night..."
They both blushed. "Twi... I... I just gotta know. Do you... think I'm pretty?"
Twilight blinked. "Huh?"
"I mean... we did get married last night." Applejack was being unusually shy, pawing the table with her banded hoof. "I was just wonderin', is all."
"...Well... I... I mean..." Twilight was beet red, not sure how to answer.
Applejack turned away. "Never mind, it was a stupid thing to ask."
"No, no, it just caught me off guard," Twilight assured. "I never really thought about how any of you look. I mean, this whole mess... it's a bit awkward..."
"I know, that's why I shouldn't have asked," the cowpony said dismissively. "I was just... just curious."
There was another awkward silence. It was becoming a comforting sound, in all honesty.
"...I think you're very pretty."
Applejack looked at her friend in shock, blinking and blushing. Twilight was blushing as well, as if she couldn't believe what she had just said. Stuttering, the cowpony spoke. "But... I... ain't like Rarity or any of those model ponies!”
"Well, yeah. You're... a more rustic pretty. Not everything has to look a certain way for things to be beautiful." She paused for a minute, then smiled. "You've seen Miss Cheerilee's yearbook photos, haven't you?"
Despite the awkward moment, the farmpony couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, I saw 'em. They were up once when I went to pick Apple Bloom up. How'd you see them?"
"I help her with her lesson plans sometimes. The point is, her mane style back then was considered attractive. What everypony thinks is beautiful changes too often. That's why I don't follow fashion, it's too unpredictable... too frivolous, too. I prefer practical. Your look... it's practical."
"Practical? Wow, Twi, you really know how to flatter a filly," Applejack commented, some playfulness entering her voice.
"Well, it's true. You look good, Applejack. With a little touching up, you could fit right in with those Canterlot ponies. That's all that high society look is, touching up. You don't do any of that. I think that's pretty."
Both participants were blushing again. "...Well... your turn."
Applejack blinked. "Wha..."
"I told you if I thought you were pretty. Now it's your turn. Am I pretty?"
"Oh, uh..." Applejack was beginning to wonder if her face was going to permanently change color with how often she had been blushing. "...Yeah," she said meekly. "The first time you showed up in Ponyville, I knew you had to be the one visitin' from Canterlot, ‘cause nopony else..."
Applejack stopped dead, looking flustered. Twilight gaped at her friend’s remarks.
For a few seconds, a silence hung in the air as the two just gaped at one another. Finally, through her embarrassment, Twilight spoke. “But...I didn’t have my mane styled, or my hooves done, or anything...”
“Y-you didn’t need any of that,” Applejack said, unusually meek. “I don’t like that frou-frou look. If I did, I might’a given Rare a go...if she was inta that kinda thing, anyway. You weren’t like other city ponies, but I could tell you were one. You...you looked like you put effort into yer look without really trying. You....carried yerself, I guess is how Rare would put it, like you were an important pony, but not in a snooty way...don’t know if that makes sense.”
Twilight blinked, blushing. “I...were you...”
“No, no,” she said quickly. “I thought you looked pretty, but...well, to be honest, you seemed pretty ornery that first day, it was a real turn off.”
“Yeah...I had thought Celestia was blowing me off about NightMare Moon...
“Yeah...I wasn’t attracted to ya...I just thought you were cute. I ain’t that shallow.”
For a few seconds, the two sat in silence.
"...I better start looking for a way to get these rings off," Twilight said at last, rising to her hooves.
"Won't the Princess be able to get 'em off?"
"Maybe, but I'd like to have these off as soon as possible. I don't know what other spells are weaved into these things."
Applejack gulped. "Y-yeah, good point." She gulped. "Uh, ya feelin' hungry? I can cook us up somethin'?"
"Not really... but we better eat anyway," the unicorn sighed. "I haven't had a meal since lunch yesterday."
glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that line.
So, someone got Applejack and Twilight married while they were drunk, and is now trying to keep them together? Who to blame?
deviantart.com/download/320552369/dinkleberg_by_mcsadat-d5aujsh.jpg
Ooh, another chapter, forum.purseblog.com/attachments/celebrity-forums/celebrity-news-and-gossip/1643364-michael-fassbender-dis-gon-b-gud.jpg
Pinkie Pie, the pony who rips the fourth wall like you and I rip paper, couldn't tell that 'Rarity' was a fake.....? Well, I guess she's easily distracted.
Twi and AJ's dialogue was awkward as all hell, but sweet. Major Mare.... For shame!
And Blueblood as a competent (albeit somewhat narcissistic) Colt with a sharp wit? Well, let's see where this goes.
Nicely done.
When she ate the coin I just lost it.
Good to see the way laws are made in Equestria. Well done!
You're like crack, did you know that? Five minutes later, you want more.
Hi. My name is Karl, the water bottle.
Oh man this was funny. As usual. Eating the coin, fake Rarity, Blueblood vs. Rarity. I lol'd. A lot. Kudos to you sir, on another chapter well done!
And now, on to Families! Yaay I love Tuesdays!
This is very good.
My only complaint is the glaring yellow box they set up for author notes.
Awesome :) keep it up!
Wow... Applejack lesbian... Twi bisexual... That could solve all shipping beliefs for the two! Love this story! Can't wait for the next chapter! static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Dat+was+good+_d6790a9a653efa4c5ec74e30933dc72f.jpg
Was it just me , or did the faux Rarity's accent change three times? French, Italian, Spanish?
A conspiracy to keep AJ and Twi together? I approve.
1784279
Yes. That was intentional.
1784209 Pinkie Pie may be unbound by the laws of physics, but only because she made a deal at a crossroads to follow the Rule of Funny.
This is a very well done force humor, i haven't seen a good one of this kind in awhile.
Did anyone else read the faux Rarity's dialogue and hear a French man speaking in their head?
Aren't "Serious Plot Points" sold in dark canterlot alleys?
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/452/234/df1.gif
What is going on here?
1784310
I would not be surprised if it turned out that Pinkie saw through the imposter's disguise, but decided to play along just because it was funny.
It went from funny to intriguing while still funny enough to make me still ignore the Flutterdash.
I get the funny feeling Spike is going to go into killing-mode when he realizes Rarity is with Blueblood
i134.photobucket.com/albums/q100/TheSteveslols/My%20Little%20Pony/angry_spike_by_anarchemitis-d51q5se.gif
Why have I not read this before?
1784229 Hey. I'm Jeffery, the bowl. Nice to meet you.
the mayor has been bribed hahahahaha awesome part. loved it.
1784310 So true.
1784380 A... Rescuers from Down Under gif? Now that's something you don't see every day...
1784427
And I think we all know who that could be...
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/088/trollestia.png
1784440
Indeed,
1784451 that would be awesome if it was lol
dang man, i know theres life and writing isnt easy, but you made us ait almost a month for this really awesome story for shame. and chocolate bits c'est la vie
1784461 Honestly, I'm kind of shocked I even knew what it was from! XD I stared at it for, like, five seconds, thinking 'Quest for Camelot? Nah, that's not it...' And then I had the random thought of RfDU, blinked, then 'ed, wondering how or why I even recognized that. XD
Yes. Yes fake Rarity was too obvious.
Mayor Mare and the entire Rarity thing... not at all why I'm here so... gonna go over there now.
(not funny or romantic)... (here for TwiJack and funny)... (Oh look, there has a funny romance story!)
In the author's note: "...serious plot points..."
I see what you probably accidentally did there.
Fake Rare was a bit obvious in my opinion, but hey, it just makes that part funnier. I saw this a while ago and I told myself to read it, why didn't I? hmm....
Blueblood... Might be nice...
Ahhhhhahahaha.... I see where this is going. Go subplots!!
1784451 Not gonna argue with that. She can teleport easily (Canterlot to Ponyville to Las Pegasus and back in reverse? That's a lot of magic). She's bloody rich(Explains the large amount of bribery),she's off duty at night(I think). And she personally knows the Mane 6.
1784479
I'm equally surprised anyone noticed it all. The internet is a strange place.
thats what made it funny. It was so unbelievable to the point of hilarity.
1784491 What this guy said. I was really hoping you wouldn't go the same way with this story as you did with Wedding Bell Blues.
Why do your stories overspill with awesomeness?
I'll be honest. I have not laughed this hard at a drunken bad decision since the last time I got drunk XD
One minute Rarity's imposter was French, the next she was Spainish. They hired a horrible actor.
I'm putting this out there, the rarity subplot is HORRIBLE. It makes NO SENSE. Even if we accept that what Rarity did was illegal, Blueblood doesn't have the power to arrest her, the police do. That isn't in any way how law works. He can detain her until they arrive but he's obviously not doing that, making it kidnapping, add to that the fact that he has someone break into her house and impersonate her, and the fact that she's a friend of the princesses makes his plan really stupid. What's his end goal? Keep her indefinitely? As soon as she gets out, she'll tell the princesses, and then they'll go straight to blueblood and arrest him
It seems everyone except Twi and Applejack are devolving into crappy Saturday mourning cartoon character logic, where everyone acts like an idiot and no one notices or does the logical thing and I cant focus on the meat of the story when every five lines I feel the burning desire to smack a character. Which sucks cause I genuinely like the authors works and this story up until this point. I was hoping that the author was going to take blueblood in the whole 'treated rarity like she deserved that night for being a gold-digger' way, not, 'I can do whatever the hell I want because apparently logic also got wasted at the party and we're not entirely sure where it ended up but it sure as hell isn't in this room'
Oh, and it just occurred to me that Blueblood lost any standing he would have when he decided to start making out with her and let her sleep in his bed (if that's ALL they did).
1784182
You sir, just killed me
What really bugs me about this story and Wedding Bell Blues is that they both started 100% psychopathy-free. This story's first chapter was charming character interaction, kind of like a drunker Post Nuptials. Wedding Bell Blues started off with a chapter that seemed to promise a light-hearted romantic comedy. They both seemed so interesting, and then abruptly shifted tone. If you'd been clearer about the direction they'd take, you wouldn't be getting so many negative comments, because the people who don't like this stuff would be reading something that interests them instead of having their hopes dashed with these 2 stories.
Love the TwiJack going on. The bit with the mayor was funny. Fake Rarity made me want to bash my head into the wall (and because pinkie follows the rule of funny, she would be the only one to miss this)
Also, come to think of it, Blueblood doesn't even have any grounds for a citizens arrest. She's not attempting to commit further crimes, she's been given permission to be in the house (by virtue of being allowed to sleep there, and not allowed to leave), she's not attempting to destroy evidence, and Blueblood has made it clear he hasn't informed the authorities (and even if he had, not at the appropriate time, i.e. as soon as possible after the crime)
1784795 I agree, though I guess I was more willing to buy it from wedding bell blue because of the outlandish premise to being with, but this...I just don't get it. Further more, the main plot continues to be only slightly weird, whereas Rarity's subplot is just plain weird, and as far as I can see, serves absolutely no purpose to furthering the plot. Unless its revealed that blueblood was the mastermind of it all. At which point I may just kill myself with the sheer quantity of head-desks
1784451 trollestia seems like legit answer
Makes more sense to me the the rest of the stroy
1784795
Okay...what?
I was clear from the beginning that Wedding Bell Blues that it would be a sadist comedy. I gave it a Random tag, I said repeatedly it was going to be completely off the wall. The first chapter is Shining Armor getting left at the alter for his sister! If you didn't see sociopath nature there, I don't know what to tell you.
And secondly, there's still character interaction here. Yes, it's going to be pretty crazy in some places, but those subplots have barely taken off and everyone is dismissing them. If they write it off that fast, well, I really not too shaken.
1784690
I've barely done anything with the Rarity subplot yet, relax. You're assuming Blueblood is holding Rarity hostage, that's not quite the case. Chill out.