"When Gotham is ashes, then you have my permission to die"
-Bane, The Dark Knight Rises
“There it is… Winniepeg,” Shining said, passing the binoculars over to his sister.
Twilight looked upon the northern city with interest. Winniepeg was roughly 2 days’ train ride from Canterlot and located on the foot of the Crystal Mountains. One of the oldest cities in Equestria, it had originally been founded as a trading fort on the border of the Crystal Empire. But as the Crystal Ponies and their kingdom had faded from memory Winniepeg had lost much of its significance. Cities such as Manehattan, Los Pegasus, Cloudsdale and Detrot had gained prominence, leaving this once capital of trade behind. It had grown, of course, and anypony coming from Ponyville would have still gasped at its size, but for every citizen it gained other areas gained 30 and for every new house that rose up entire skyscrapers were built in other, more powerful cities.
The ponies there were proud, however, and did not look at their town with anything but joy. It was a point of pride that theirs was a city of blended cultures. Ancient buildings stood next to new coffee shops and roads that had been walked upon by Celestia when she was barely a hundred years old were dotted with the latest fashion boutiques.
Even the populace was blended. There were plenty of ponies, of course, but also mules, a few hundred minotaurs and, most startling for their warm-weather pony brothers, reindeer. Winniepeg took all these different races and blended them together to create the most accepting of cities. It was rare to find unicorns that married pegasus or earth ponies and vica versa in Equestria, but here such things were not even looked upon with a second glance. There were even prominent families that feature reindeer and ponies raising orphaned mules and minotaurs.
Still, with all of this… there was no reason for the high level of guards that patrolled the city limits.
“How many do you count?” Twilight asked, passing the binoculars to Spitfire. Pegasi were known for their keen sight and with the aid of the binoculars Spitfire might as well have been standing 3 feet from the nearest squad.
“Atleast 10 guarding the southern entrance. They look spread out though,” Spitfire said, flapping her wings. “If I was higher I could get a better look.”
“No,” Twilight said softly. “I don’t want them spotting us.”
“Why aren’t we just rushing in?” Spike asked. “We could take them Twi.”
“Yes, we could,” Twilight said. “But we don’t know what is inside. Maybe this is a trap just to get us inside. Or maybe they have some prison which will call for more fighters if we want to liberate it. Right now our concern isn’t taking out the guards but getting information.”
“Think of it like extreme research,” Shining joked.
Spike stuck his tongue out. “Every day with Twilight is extreme research.”
“Ha ha ha,” Twilight muttered. She closed her eyes, her horn beginning to glow. “I think if I send out a low level white magic burst I can figure out if they are shielding-“
The Doctor tapped her on the shoulder, shaking his head. “Might I suggest a slightly different approach.” Reaching into the pocket of his catsuit (which he was still tickled about… he was wearing a catsuit… like a ninja! He was a pony ninja in a catsuit… fantastic!) he pulled out his trusty sonic screwdriver. “Thank whatever deity you want to thank at this point in time and space that I was able to hold onto this little darling.” He moved the device around in his mouth, waving it at the city. “Now, unless I begin thinking about turning on their waffle makers, I should be able to scan the city and detect any magical security systems,” he mumbled.
“Doctor, I hate to ask but… what happened to your box?” Twilight asked.
“The Tardis?” The Doctor frowned as he began to sweep his screwdriver in the general direction of the city’s art district. “When the queen invaded Ponyville Derpy and I were caught right in the middle. I tried to get to my Tardis but then the guards snatched Dinky-“ there was a crack and Twilight realized the Doctor had snapped his teeth against his screwdriver. The memory of the abduction was still painful for the Time Lord. “I was forced to pursue and leave the Tardis behind. I had Whistle Wind get his birdies to check for it but they found nothing; I can only assume your friends snatched away my box and carted it off somewhere. It doesn’t matter… if they try to play with it my sexy girl will give them a nasty spanking.”
“You do realize you are talking about a box, right?” Spike said. “Boxes don’t have genders.”
“Some genders have boxes though,” Spitfire quipped, causing the Doctor to snort. Spike soon followed, after he got the joke, though Twilight and her brother just stared at the three and rolled their eyes.
“Alright, we should be good to go. I detected no defensive spells around the city… we should be able to sneak in quite well.”
Twilight looked up at the sky, her horn glowing black and her eyes went monochrome “Well then, goggles on everypony… it’s time to kill the lights.”
~MC~MC~MC~
Broad Back frowned, sweeping his flashlight along the ground. Just moment ago he had been doing a routine check of the road when… something… had occurred. He didn’t know what it was or if it was good or ill, but the night had changed and it put him on alert.
He considered for a moment sending out a magic flare to signal the other members of his squad but he resisted the urge. He hadn’t spotted anything dangerous and he didn’t want to pull his friends away from their own routes just because he felt like something was off. A small voice in the back of his head (which sounded a bit like Queen Applejack) whispered that he might be acting a bit dishonest, but he dismissed that thought. It wasn’t dishonest to wait before sending up the alarm. Doing so without all the information would only lead to panic and fear; those were the opposite of the harmony he worshiped. Better to gather the facts and come up with a plan before he became the colt who cried wolf.
Broad Back swept his flashlight towards some bushes, only to catch sight of a raccoon darting away. He let out a sigh, tilting his head back and laughing at how silly he had acted.
The chuckles died in his throat when he looked upon the night sky.
The moon was still hanging up there, as it had since time began. The queens had taken over moving the celestial orbs and life had continued on like normal. But now, instead of shining down on him, the moon was darkened like it had been covered in soot. More startling was that not a single star could be seen; the night sky had become a sheet of blackness that stretched out as far as the eye could see. Broad Back felt like he was falling into it and he stumbled, ripping his eyes away. He realized that was the disturbance: the night had gone almost completely pitch black.
That’s when the pink orb wrapped itself around his head, cutting off his air supply and sending him crashing to the ground for a not-so-earned rest.
“Neat trick,” Spitfire whispered as she helped Spike drag the guard off into the shadows.
Shining smiled, the lens of his night vision goggles flashes as he turned his head to address the pegasus. “Everypony just assumes that all I can use that spell for is making big barriers. Nice to show off.” He looked up at the sky and pursed his lips. “Especially when my baby sister can turn on and off the night sky like it is a night light.”
“Please don’t ever say those words in the same sentence,” Twilight stated.
“What?”
“’Turn on’ and ‘night light’. Puts very horrible thoughts into my head.” Spike began to snicker at Twilight’s blushing. The mare rolled her eyes and reached into her saddlebag. She pulled out a scarf, some boots and a winter hat, all done up in a muted blue. The rest of the team did the same, bundling themselves up. The wind off the Crystal Mountains made the city a chilly place even during the fall, which would provide them with a perfect story for why they were decked out in 'winter gear'. The catsuits also resembled the long johns some ponies in the city wore and thus wouldn’t attract too much attention.
At the late hour there were few ponies on the streets but there were just enough that the fivesome didn’t stick out. The guards, for their part, didn’t seem all that interested in what was going on and just nodded at any pony that passed. Other than the patrols the group didn’t see any overly saturated ponies, which meant the queens hadn’t began brainwashing and amplifying the public.
That was both good news and bad. It made things easier… but also raised many questions.
“It looks normal,” Shining whispered. “No new structures or signs of weapons building.”
“Everypony looks normal, too,” The Doctor stated. “A rather nice surprise, as I don’t think I could have handled staring at a thousand overly-cheerful grins without coming down with a bad case of body shivers.”
“What the hay is going on here?” Spitfire hissed as they passed a darkened toy store, the painted sign in the window stating they would be opened at 10 the next morning. “Why are all the guards here if nothing is going on.”
Spike shook his head. “Maybe they are doing something underground… or maybe this is a decoy city to keep us from finding their zombie labs over in Appleloosa!” The baby dragon turned towards Twilight. “What do you think Twi?”
The alicorn, however, was no longer focused on the road. She turned her head, staring down an alley, her brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed.
“Twiley?” Shining whispered.
“Don’t you sense it?” Twilight asked.
“Sense what?”
“Power… it’s been muted and drained… like an hour glass emptied of all its sand. But it is still there, I can… I can…” Twilight burst into a run, the others letting out yelps before they chased after her. The alicorn of the stars didn’t stop, however; she couldn’t even if she wanted to. Her entire focus was on what lay ahead. She was drawn to it like a moth to the flame and her heart and her head told her to continue on.
She was not disappointed.
“I am telling you something is wrong!” a voice called out. Twilight skidded to a stop, staring at the small house that stood before her. It was a simple building, pleasant but plain. The lawn was well maintained and a fresh coat of paint clung to the walls but there was no true love put into the grounds. Whoever lived there didn’t do so by choice… they merely dwelt in the walls, nothing more.
Upon the porch sat a navy blue pony, who continued to stare at the sky. Her gaze was fixed on the moon and she tugged on her mane every so often. Twilight was startled by the fact that there was no magic within the blue pony’s body; she didn’t have a horn, or wings, or the natural strength and endurance of an earth pony. She was none of them… she was just a pony.
Shining nearly slammed into his sister and he was ready to ask her what was going on only to find that the question died on his lips.
“That’s why… that’s why they are guarding this place," Shining whispered.
“Captain Armor?” The Doctor murmured.
“Come back inside!” a new voice called out. “You’ve been staring at the sky for the last two months! Just stop it, please! Stop torturing yourself like this!” From the doorway a white pony with a pink mane stepped out, tapping her hoof against the porch. “I mean it Luna, come-“
“No,” Twilight whispered, stepping onto the two ponies' yard, revealing herself to them. “It can’t be…”
The white mare froze, staring at the lavender alicorn, startled by the reversal of roles. “T-Twilight?”
The alicorn felt hot tears burn against her cheeks as she stared at the pony that had once meant the world to her. “Princess Celestia…”
And thus we discover the fate of Celestia and Luna: trapped in a small town, forced to watch their kingdom crumble. The next chapter (of Twilight's story) is called 'Troy is Burning' and if you look up that reference you'll understand just how correct it is for Celestia and Luna's position.
I can’t remember if I have established it yet, but Detrot is located north of Canterlot between Cloudsdale and Neighagra Falls. Winniepeg is above it. And, because I might as well pimp my other story, Bridle Bay, home of the capricorns, is located between Baltimare and Fillydelphia.
Also, I loved using the Batman quote and not having Faith appear... it was a nice way to throw you all off. I plan to jump back and forth between his story and Twilight's for a while, with each of them getting their own time to shine.
The feels in that last scene! Now big sad chapter go!
That's just wrong... locking Luna and Celestia like that... sure Celestia has done somethings but this... whoever is pulling the strings needs to be punished
So, the TARDIS is there somewhere, right? Is this gonna end like The Sound of Drums/Last of the Time Lords? That'd be a pretty good cop-out. Although you wouldn't get to enjoy the fruits of your hackishness over the sound of a mob of torch and pitchfork waving bronies coming to string you up.
I just love how you update so fast!
Twilight has a dirty mind? Since when?
Celestia and Luna... interesting. If abstracts can turn ponies into alicorns, I suppose logically the reverse is possible. I always did wonder what happened to them, and I'm glad you didn't take the easy way out and just banish them to the sun and moon respectively (I mean seriously... so cliched...).
I do wonder why the alicorn queens were cruel enough to not give them any normal traits of a pony. Even by their logic, they didn't deserve that kind of punishment, and Fluttershy and Rarity were okay with this? That doesn't seem very... Ah well, next chapter will most likely explain this. I can wait.
I like what you're doing with The Doctor, making him into a major player in the plot and dedicating a lot of time to fleshing him out here. I think the White chess team has just found their first Bishop! (Gah, you can't stop me from thinking in your stupid chess symbolism... )
This chapter was a solid hit. Keep it up.
That's what happened to Celestia and Luna . . .
img0.etsystatic.com/005/0/7298101/il_570xN.375576904_rowt.jpg
THE QUEENS SHALL HAVE THEIR VERY SOULS RIPPED OUT OF THEIR BODIES AND BE MADE INTO BABUSHKAS FOR THIS CRIME AGAINST MY FEELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the main story has Twilight as the central and the side story is Faith the central?
1718636
Exactly this...maybe not Babushka though
Also hurting Luna like that is not okay! It is a crime against the universe to make Luna hurt like that!
1718715 yeah!! Nobody picks on little Luna!
still trying to figure out genders having boxes....
only thing i can think of is one refference to how each genders minds work. men having boxes for organization and nothing touching, women have a bundle of cabling and EVERYTHING TOUCHES EVERYTHING
anyway great story cant w8 for moredl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
Honesty: no matter what. But without caring, Honesty is Cruelty.
Generosity: hold nothing back. Hold nothing dear, nothing is yours.
Kindness: ??? She hasn't really done anything to tick me off yet. I get the distinct feeling that she's only going along with the others because she trusts them. She'll be the first saved.
Loyalty: follow those you trust, never question. Blind loyalty is the devil's toy.
Laughter: spread happiness as far as you can. Even if it traps them in their own minds.
I would have sworn I had already Favorited this. Oh well, more for me to read at once.
1718819 wow, that speaks quite a bit like what's going on here
1718845 I was pointing out the faults in each philosophy. I find that in text I am naturally poetic. Only line of that I'm not entirely satisfied with is Laughter's.
Geez the queens sure did love to throw salt on Celestia and Luna's wounds, and the queens think they're better than the princesses ha what a laugh!
Harmony nothing this is CHAOS!
1718776
...one of the slang terms for a woman's reproductive organs is a 'box'. Hence the old joke "I don't have my virginity, but the box it was in".
1718998
"Without evil there can be no good so it must be good to be evil sometimes"
-The Devil, South Park
1718574>>1718846 here's the thing it's not a full cross over so really dr. who is just another part of the resistance really he doesn't exactly mess with the major scenes of history only the scenes that aren't supposed to happen, like if Equestria were to be invaded by the unsc searching for disillusioned covenant refugees hiding in Canterlot and/or Ponyville, or if the darlics were to try and exterminate the pony race.
I feel that the story is going pretty smoothly i'll love seeing the next chapter and having twi make up with her repentant onetime mentor. cheers
1719073
But that's part of what makes him so out of place.This isn't supposed to be a crossover and yet here's the Doctor, completely tacked on and out of place. It's be like if all of a sudden the ghosts-busters showed up to try to help free the main six from their elements. Its just doesn't fit in at all with what's going on.
And what happened to my previous comment? And the guy who replied to me earlier?
1719163 yes well the doctor shouldn't fit into our human history however in the show he spouts historically accurate things that the humans have done and has existed throughout our history even though he hasn't been recorded. So i'm assuming the author is doing the same in this story except the doctor is a pony in Equestria, so in a way he does fit in. unlike the ghost busters who definitely have no place in this story because they hunt ghosts like the nightmare or similar, where as the elements of harmony are in my opinion powerful fay spirits trapped within gems that have the ability to take control of their wielders.
couldn't twilight wish there former powers back to them? or at least a small bit of it? also if there being drained that means there power is powering something? couldn't cutting of the draining damage the queens plans?
1719238
The Doctor ISN'T in our human history because he doesn't exist. It works for the show because the show is about the Doctor. But this story isn't about the Doctor, it has nothing to do with the Doctor, and it doesn't even mimic the style of Doctor Who. He's just there. And he distracts from the story by taking us out of it.
"unlike the ghost busters who definitely have no place in this story because they hunt ghosts like the nightmare or similar, where as the elements of harmony are in my opinion powerful fay spirits trapped within gems that have the ability to take control of their wielders."
First off, you demolish your own argument by making a definite statement out of what you admit is just your opinion. Your argument relies on the spirits being fay spirits yet you yourself say its just your opinion that they're fey spirits.
Secondly, your argument relies on pointless semantics.
But for the sake of argument, your argument means that if Superstallion came in and used his superstrenght to subdue the Queens, it would fit perfectly, because Superman doesn't fit in with the real-world and the author would just be doing the same thing but hes a pony.
1719015 Without a sense of evil can we know what good is.
1719309No what i'm trying to say is that the author is including a character that should not exist in history yes. however think of it as a use for one of the characters that actually have a chance of making sense in the story. the doctor uses advanced technology that at least has a chance of existing in the future of Equestria where as superstallion is just a serious cop out and completely op to the story line I really hope the author gets rid of the doctor soon though. we don't need him taking any more of Faith or Twilights spotlight than necessary. And you're right the doctor shouldn't be included however he is so the author is trying to limit the character to the best of his abilities I hope.
The only thing we can to is inject our opinion into anything and hope other's accept it as logical. especially when it comes to semantics. Rarely do we come up with something that is a universal fact to the story, the fun is in the conjecture and ideas that float around from the fans.
cheers
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And I try so hard. They took all of their power.........damn
And a heartfelt reunion to boot?!
Damnit defender stop cutting onions you damn ninja
1719383
"however think of it as a use for one of the characters that actually have a chance of making sense in the story."
But there are plenty of characters that can fit in the story. Like Spitfire or Shining Armor. Or he can just make-up a new character. And they all could fit with the setting. The Doctor is a time-traveling alien. He doesn't make sense at all. He has no reason to be there at all. There is a large dissonance associated with everything he does because he's an established character from an unrelated series who has suddenly shown up out of nowhere, introducing things that are completely out-of-place with the established world. And no, its not the same thing that happens in Doctor Who every time he pops up in ancient times, because its still a part of the established world.
"The only thing we can to is inject our opinion into anything and hope other's accept it as logical. especially when it comes to semantics. Rarely do we come up with something that is a universal fact to the story, the fun is in the conjecture and ideas that float around from the fans."
Completely irrelevant.
When you make an argument, you don't back it up by claiming that the crux of your argument has no basis.
1719561 hence the reason their is an argument in the first place because their is no serious basis for it, were fighting over whether or not some space traveling alien has a place in the story or not, which is completely ridiculous. how about we keep to our opinions. eh and allow the story to run it's course as the author puts it. my hope is he removes the doctor and fixes the problem so the story remains about Twilight and Faith.
1719645
I won't, because I don't see the problem in the slightest. If you (or others) do, that is your issue. This is how I want to write it.
Yeah, I'm pulling a Lucas. Sorry.
That said, I am doing nothing more than what others have done with The Doctor in their own stories and what the FANS THEMSELVES have accepted about Doctor Whooves. He is not the main character... he isn't even a secondary character (notice he isn't anywhere in the listing of characters in this story), he is merely a character in the story. He is no different than Derpy or Clyde or any of the other hundreds of characters fans have given personalities too.
Now then, please stop eating up space here debating something I have no intention of changing.
Nice that we might finally see what happened to Luna and Celestia. Good story so far.
1719724 it is ok in my opinion whether he stays or not as long as the focus follows the main characters in the story. eh besides it's your story you write it out the way you want to.
1719775
I editted the comment you replied to a touch to make my point clear. People fearing that this will be a crossover are nuts. This story has always been about Twilight, Faith, and the queens, and always will be. The Doctor doesn't even rank in the top 11 for main characters (that would be Twilight, Faith, Spike, Shining, the queens, Celestia and Luna). This is merely one mission in Act two... this story is going to easily be one of the longest things I've ever written (save for 'Elsewhere' my 100 chapter Heroes fan fic), so there will be TONS of characters that get developed.
Say defender... I'm curious to know, how far in the fic are we in (I noticed the last story had 23 chapters and this one is at 11, are we at the half-way point?)... and if so, curious to know if there will be a sequel?
1719792 tis good then. still can't wait for the next chapter.
They fucked with derpy
The doctor
Luna
and every one else
*grabs brass beast *
time to spill blood hehehe
Troy is Burning... you mean that play the U.Va. student wrote?
1718636
Oh fuck... think you set him off bro.
this song
*puts on glaases*
the song right here,
is true.
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I DON'T GET IT
rlv.zcache.com/me_gusta_mucho_stickers-p217329751621788342envb3_400.jpg
YOU REALLY LIKE THEM DON'T YOU
Twilight:i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/005/882/I%20lied.jpg
OF COURSE NOT
Great chapter!
1720842 I dun get the second.
1719912
We are in Act 2. I am not 100% yet how many acts there will be, but I will say that we are no where near half way point. If Faith and Doubt was 'The Hobbit', this is The Lord of the Rings
1720936
What don't you get?
If you're talking about the second comic, then it meant: you really liked those thoughts didn't you? Which was followed by twilight saying 'of course not!' However, as implied by the 'I lied!' face, twilight was lying when she said that, not in the story of course; just my rage comic.
1721150
You know, you really a big JRR Tolkien fan like me?
Can imagine Luna and Celestia's background music like this when they are looking at Equestria falling from that place
[youtube=22ut_pzoWgY]
YAy!
I'm glad we get to see the Princesses!
Right...
Step 1: Get their power back
Step 2: Bitch smack the Queens!
Step 3: There is no step 3, but there's still lots of profit!
good chapter! still feel like it's lacking in the emotion and suspense the prequel had, a little straight forward to hit luna and celestia right of the bat also.
still, gonna be wonderful to see celestia and twi together next time. both have had their time to think, and while twi seems to have forgiven the princess mostly; celestia has only had their last conversation to go on, which means she's probably been twisting herself over their relationship for the entire time during which twi has been gone.
1721150
You just made me a very happy reader. Epics are always the best stories.
1718887 Read the story 'Utopia'.
Smile Police.
Enforced jollity is as hollow and rancid as it sounds... it's like working Retail, ALL THE TIME
I don't get the Nightlight thing. Reference to a grimdark story maybe? I dunno.
Either way, great chapter.
1729482
... Twilight's father is named Night Light. Shining said to turn on a Night Light. It is a dirty sex joke involving her dad.
There
Well, kind of a... dull chapter, but some nice comedic elements and a bit of revelations. Once again, unaware of Doctor Who stuff, but I think I get the gist of some of it and imagine more be revealed later on. Well, interesting how Twilight has some control over the moon/night sky, though I imagine if didn't just affect the town of Winniepeg, she may attract attention of her currently former friends. And Shining using his barrier like an asphyxiation bubble was... little dark, but good defense if he doesn't keep it going.
Sucks to see what became of Celestia and Luna, even if already kind of got that early on in the story. Though somehow, can't imagine Twilight and Celestia's reunion will be an entirely happy one, given the circumstances, even though they've both probably thought a lot (Celestia moreso, since she got out of power) and grown in the time they've been apart and such (not sure who moreso, at this point). But doubt even Twilight could restore their powers, at least on her own, if I had to guess. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png But I guess will have to wait a couple of chapters, if next one is focusing solely on Faith and Trixie, as chapter notes seem to imply. Well, looking forward to more, I guess! Even if have to keep reminding myself just gonna get darker later on, with fights and violence.
Complimentary error spottings:
But as the Crystal Ponies and their kingdom had faded from memory Winniepeg had lost much of its significance. <---------- Missing comma or semicolon.
Cities such as Manehattan, Los Pegasus, Cloudsdale and Detrot had gained prominence, leaving this once capital of trade behind. <---------- Like in last review, think it should be Manehatten. Plus, Las Pegasus if remembering correctly, and then comma after Cloudsdale for again, it's part of a list.
It had grown, of course, and anypony coming from Ponyville would have still gasped at its size, but for every citizen it gained other areas gained 30 and for every new house that rose up entire skyscrapers were built in other, more powerful cities. <----------- Not sure, but think first one needs a comma. Second MAY need a period or semicolon, kind of a run-on sentence without it, I think. And the last one should have a comma as well. Also, not sure if should clarify which city you're referring to that gains 1 for every 30 the other(s) do and same with the houses and then skyscrapers.
There were plenty of ponies, of course, but also mules, a few hundred minotaurs and, most startling for their warm-weather pony brothers, reindeer. <----------- Think comma here should go after minotaurs instead.
It was rare to find unicorns that married pegasus or earth ponies and vica versa in Equestria, but here such things were not even looked upon with a second glance. <------------ Think it should be pegasi, cause that's the plural of pegasus. And it's actually VICE versa. Also, dunno if could elaborate or should on if this means that interspecies relationships aren't really sought out in Winniepeg or if more common than in the remainder of Equestria.
Pegasi were known for their keen sight and with the aid of the binoculars Spitfire might as well have been standing 3 feet from the nearest squad. <---------- Think needs a comma after this word.
“Atleast 10 guarding the southern entrance. <------------ Dunno if your preference like other times, but supposed to be "At least".
“If I was higher I could get a better look.” <---------- Once more, missing comma, I think.
“We could take them Twi.” <----------- Again, no comma that should be, cause looks awkward without it due to addressing pony after.
Right now our concern isn’t taking out the guards but getting information.” <--------- Think MIGHT need a comma after it, but not entirely certain here.
“I think if I send out a low level white magic burst I can figure out if they are shielding-“ <--------- I think this is case where SHOULD have a - between them, cause it's some unwritten rule or whatever. Might need comma/semicolon after burst, too. And also, I think due to dash at the end from being cut off, it caused end quotation mark to become opening instead.
Reaching into the pocket of his catsuit (which he was still tickled about… he was wearing a catsuit… like a ninja! He was a pony ninja in a catsuit… fantastic!) he pulled out his trusty sonic screwdriver. <----------- Should have a comma to separate the first part of the sentence from the second of what he's doing.
“When the queen invaded Ponyville Derpy and I were caught right in the middle. I tried to get to my Tardis but then the guards snatched Dinky-“ there was a crack and Twilight realized the Doctor had snapped his teeth against his screwdriver. <----------- Should be queens, unless only one did so at the time (though can't imagine why). Missing commas after next two, again to separate first part of sentence from second/next, then quotation mark ended up as opening again, probably due to dash at end from cutting sentence off before intended. And finally, imagine should be "There".
I had Whistle Wind get his birdies to check for it but they found nothing; I can only assume your friends snatched away my box and carted it off somewhere. It doesn’t matter… if they try to play with it my sexy girl will give them a nasty spanking.” <-------- Once more, both commas to separate first part from second, now that can accurately describe why, I think.
Twilight looked up at the sky, her horn glowing black and her eyes went monochrome “Well <------------ Missed period at the end of sentence before next one.
Just moment ago he had been doing a routine check of the road when… something… had occurred. <----------- Should be "moments" unless you meant to say "a moment", whichever. And think should be a comma after ago.
Shining smiled, the lens of his night vision goggles flashes as he turned his head to address the pegasus. <---------- Not sure if should have a dash, but probably not from what I know of normal spelling of night vision. And should be flashed or flashing, since flashes doesn't entirely sound accurate, can't really describe why. An adverb would be better, so would go with flashing, but either may work.
At the late hour there were few ponies on the streets but there were just enough that the fivesome didn’t stick out. <----------- Not sure if should be "this", instead. And should have a comma after both following marked parts, I think.
Other than the patrols the group didn’t see any overly saturated ponies, which meant the queens hadn’t began brainwashing and amplifying the public. <------------- I think should have a comma here, cause looks more right with than without.
“Everypony looks normal, too,” The Doctor stated. <----------- As said before, not sure "The" needs to be capitalized, but I think if haven't changed of your own decision after past suggestions, I may just stop bringing this up, heh.
“Why are all the guards here if nothing is going on.” <--------- Think it should have a question mark at the end, if it's a question and not more of a statement.
“What do you think Twi?” <---------- Missing comma, needs one cause addressing somepony in this line and is necessary in that case.
“Power… it’s been muted and drained… like an hour glass emptied of all its sand. <---------- Not sure if this should be "it's", since don't think it can also be short for "it has", far as I know. So would go with "its" instead, but your call. And think should be hourglass, unless "hour glass" is your preference; if so, leave it alone then.
The lawn was well maintained and a fresh coat of paint clung to the walls but there was no true love put into the grounds. <----------- Not sure if should be "well-maintained", but probably not. And kind of run-on sentence here, so think it could use a comma at second highlighted part, but may not need it.
Shining nearly slammed into his sister and he was ready to ask her what was going on only to find that the question died on his lips. <--------- Think could use a semicolon here. Or comma might work instead.
“Captain Armor?” The Doctor murmured. <----------- Again, same with about "The" being capitalized when don't think it NEEDS to be, but your call.
From the doorway a white pony with a pink mane stepped out, tapping her hoof against the porch. <----------- This sentence is fine I suppose, but not sure if could use comma after doorway or maybe put "stepped out" after doorway, letting the rest of description of Celestia in her current form be said.
Edit: Not sure if already saw/read this and choosing not to respond since already posted latest, but forgot to add in note about Troy is Burning ref. Do you mean something about the Trojan War? Since I looked it up as it was and was confused as to first results I got, about plays and something about New York, pic of city called Troy taken at sunset (I think).
Tears.
Tears of Win.
Tia and Woona <3
1971343 Well, no wonder why they called this chapter "Winnipeg".