“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
― Jorge Luis Borges
“So… what will be my reaction?”
“Excuse me?” Shining asked, pushing several bushes away to reveal a wooden trap door. The entrance to the hideout was quite clever and Shining thanked all the stars in the sky that it existed. The hideout had been designed 60 years ago during the brief 5 year span Princess Celestia had banned all cider. The hatch was concealed using natural fauna and a brilliant concealment spell. If one came towards the hatch in any way over than the direction Shining had taken, the trap door would appear to be nothing more than a patch of dirt. The magical nature of the Everfree made it impossible to tell just where the magic was coming from, thus preventing scouts from tracking it. Of course, Shining had taking the extra precaution of enchanting 20 separate sections of dirt within a 4 mile radius, just to throw off any patrols that might make their way through the forest.
Shining had only managed to find the hideout because he had been expecting it; a member of the rebellion was, as they would say, a rotten Apple, and had known about her family’s history and the dirty little things they had done to survive. Things that Applejack and the rest of the ‘honest’ Apples refused to talk about, even if such actions had managed to keep the family afloat.
Some would frown at the fact that Shining was throwing his lot in with some less-than-reputable characters. The captain’s answer to that charge was that when one was in war, they could not be picky selecting allies.
"I was wondering what my reaction would be to this rebellion you’ve started up," Twilight said as she slipped into the hatch. "Am I going to be shocked by how few ponies are on our side or how many managed to escape? Will my jaw drop in surprise?"
"Why are we even talking about this?" the stallion asked, mildly annoyed by how his sister was making light of their situation.
"It's a valid question," Spike said, his body twisting and shrinking as he let go of his desire and returned to his normal baby dragon form. "I mean, I want to have my facial expressions right. Should I groan? Slap my hands over my cheeks in shock? That is very important!"
Shining's right eye began to twitch and he wondered if their time away had left the two of them a bit more twisted than he had expected. "Are you making jokes?"
"Of course," Twilight said, dead serious. "I have to, Shiny."
"Why... do you have to?” He was trying real hard not to scream. He really was. He could feel all the frustration and rage and annoyance and all the other pent up emotions that had been building since the queens had rose to power bubbling up inside like tar, threatening to drag him down into their dark depths. The only thing that was keeping him calm was the memory of Twilight kicking his ass at his wedding... and that was BEFORE she had become an alicorn.
"I have to make jokes,” Twilight said softly. “Because if I don't laugh I'll cry.” The alicorn gave her brother a watery smile and slipped down into the darkened hatch.
Shining stared at his sister's retreating form, heaving a sigh as all the frustration drained from him. "I am getting tired of upsetting her."
"Not your fault," Spike said, patting him on the calf. "It's... it's just hard to swallow, you know?"
Shining Armor nodded and slipped down into the hatch.
~MC~MC~MC~
The Canterlot Royal Library.
If ever a fire were to claim the building, the loss of the library would be the greatest blow to Equestria. Not because it held wealth or jewels or weapons; no, the grand babbles that the library held were the books and scrolls and written history of Equestria. Every piece of published work was represented there, from the pulpiest of detective novels to the driest of scholarly research. It was a time capsule and a refuge from time’s long march, holding the records of all those that had come before for all those that would come after. If knowledge was power, then those that controlled the library were the mightiest in the land.
Which is why, unlike most libraries, this one was guarded by royal soldiers.
"Halt!" one of the overly bright guards called out, spreading his wing in an attempt to stop the stranger from entering. The metal upon his wing was no longer decorative; it had been sharpened and tempered so that with a flick of a feather any that dared to pass would find themselves without a head.
But it was no thief and revolutionary that tried to pass. In fact, if one were to try and describe the opposite of such mighty figures, the huddled form would be the first definition to come to mind. The figure looked to be very old, with a bent back and hobbling, limping gait. The hood of his cloak was pulled as low as his horn would allow it. His breath came out in wheezing gasps and every once and a while he would cough. The guards raised their eyebrows in unison and for a moment they considered that the old pony had probably wandered off.
“What business do you have here?” a guard demanded.
The decrepit figure slowly plodded into the wing, his head lightly pressing against it. He back up, let out a cough, and shifted, now bumping into the guard’s barrel chest. The guards realized the old stallion was blind and near deaf.
' Why are you blocking his path?'
‘He isn’t a threat’
'You could get in trouble'
‘Just an old pony who wants to pass’
'It isn't harmonious to be so mean'
'What if he reports you?'
‘You need to help him’
'Can't let him report you'
'Let him through'
"My... my apologizes, sir," the other guard said, shrinking away from the cloaked stallion. "Please go ahead." The figure nodded, shuffling in as fast as his lame body could. The guards listened, letting out twin sighs of relief when then heard a snort, followed by a body plopping down on the ground. “Poor old bugger… fell asleep.”
“Tired himself out.”
‘What were you thinking?’
‘You didn’t get him a blanket’
‘he is old and frail, he could die from the cold!’
‘The floor is no place for a pony to sleep!’
‘He needs a blanket!’
‘Go get it!’
'Hurry now!'
‘NOW!’
Hurrying forward, the guards raced down the hall, their post forgotten as they went to get the old stallion a blanket. Had they taken a moment to turn their heads, they would have seen a curious sight: the old creature stretched up, extending his neck and shaking his head. His legs were no longer bowed and his back straightened and became strong. The unsure steps he had been taking became a confident trot as his ebony hooves clicked against the tile floor. The hood fell back and the face that was revealed was not ancient but young; yet the eyes were older than the mountains and the sea and within them held eons of pain and struggle and victory.
Thus it was that Faith, the silver alicorn, lord of the gray, and one of the elements of harmony, found himself alone in the bastion of Equestrian knowledge.
He had worried about facing more of a challenge sneaking into the library, but had found that the queens had long abandoned Canterlot. The great city had been emptied save for the guards and a few occupied buildings; the queens kept it as a museum piece, to show all in Equestria how things had been under Celestia and Luna. The city was made an example of how living without harmony could lead to division and opulence and class warfare.
Faith snorted. Those things had existed throughout time and always would; as long as there was free will, there would be those that held themselves as better than the rest. It was a sad truth but denying it was even sadder. Any ruler that believed their society would be above that was a fool.
The silver alicorn’s horn glowed and he selected the tome he knew he needed. It was an old work; not as old as him but still well aged. The acorns of the acorns of the tree that had been used to make its pages had long been reduced to dust. He brought the text to a table and, under the glow of his horn, began to read.
'The Diary of Clockwork the Curious, Student of Archmage Clover the Clever, Student of Archmage Starswirl the Bearded
May 5th- The princess has asked me to select a field of study. I have chosen the Elements of Harmony, with which her glorious highness used to banish Discord, the spirit of dishamony and one of the lords of chaos. She was surprised at my selection, for much has been written about the elements. I fear that she believes me to be like many of the fortune seekers that vainly travel across this land in search of them. But it is not their value I care about.
My dreams are plagued by visions of the six. I see them now, even as I set quill to scroll: six perfect orbs, each stamped with strange symbols. And yet something tugs at my heart... a voice whispers there is more to the elements. Could it be that they are more than mere stone? I must learn the truth, for I fear allowing this question to linger will lead to madness.'
Faith filled through the journal to the next passage, not surprised by what he found.
July 15th- The voice I have spoken of is clearly something not of this world. Where it hails from I cannot say but I know, to my great relief, that I am not insane. I have determined this because the voice presses me to question many things: the princess, my mentor, my lessons, our history… all save my sanity. Always I feel reassurance that I have not gone mad... far from it, I have the sense that the whispers feel I am the last sane pony in Equestria.
July 23rd- My research goes slow. Much of what I find about the elements is little more than fairy tales. The princess remains cagey and my teacher asks me to put my knowledge to better use; she suggests Starswirl's time spell. I considered such a thing, if only to travel back to the time of Discord and learn of the creation of the elements.
Sep 30th- I am now sure that the elements are more than mere stone. In the last two months I have traveled to the site of Discord's fall and what I have felt simply could not be the lingering effects of some spell. Could it be that the elements are alive? If so, then much I have experienced is explained and, more frightening, questions arise. Were the elements once ponies? Or were they some other lifeform? Did they sacrifice themselves to defeat Discord? I know already that they were not the same then as they were when they defeated Nightmare Moon. Something changed, altered a piece... more research is needed.
Oct 12th- As I set these words down I know that I am admitting to something that will shake Equestria to its core. The elements are alive... and I have been in contact with one. The whispers that have haunted my dreams are clearly the voice of one. I believe them to be that of the 6th element, the one whose name is lost.
...
As I set down those words moments ago something flashed in my mind. As offending as it might sound I felt like a dog being rewarded by a beloved master. I am still smiling at the feeling. It is now clear that the voice is the 6th Element… and his voice is glorious.
I find it sad that this voice, so full of life, is nameless. I have thought about it long and hard and I have decided upon a name, at least till I can help it find its own. The element has pressed me to question all I was taught and not to accept what others hold as truth.
Thus, I name the voice Doubt.'
Faith shut his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath. He had gone to many in the thousand years he had dwelt upon Equestria. Many he had cared little about... they had known his warmth and his protection but they had been tossed aside when they proved themselves weak or arrogant. They had been useless things that had served as little more than distractions.
But Clockwork... Clockwork had been one of the good ones. Faith had stayed with him for 107 long years and it had been the abstract's gift that had led to the unicorn's long life. Still, like all mortals he had passed and Faith still mourned the loss of the pony who had given him his name. Clockwork could have been a bearer, had fate been so kind and for a moment the silver alicorn wondered what life would have been like with the smart little stallion had saved him.
Twilight and Clockwork would have gotten along beautifully.
Taking as long as he could afford to honor his long gone friend, Faith’s horn glowed and he flipped to the section he had been looking for. While most of the diary detailed the mage’s quest to find out about the 6th element, he had included a small amount on the other 5. Back then, when he had been Doubt, Faith had cared only for his name and had paid little heed to the other 5 elements. Now he had come to regret that decision.
He flipped to 3 years later. He knew of this section mostly because he had avoided it. The other pages he recognize but this part, since it was not about him (and he was ashamed by that streak of egotism… but what was one to expect from a stallion that made his wings from mirrors?) he had ignored.
March 19th- My attempts to gaze into the past have left me confused and bewildered. What I have seen is impossible to understand and yet I feel as if the words I now write will serve a purpose, even if I myself find them foolish.
Any other scholar would be thrilled to look upon the sighting of one of the elements and crow with joyous glee. I am not one of them. My search is to find more about Doubt and his origins and I care little for some cackling mare than forever changes the color of her flank and whose hair twists and reshapes itself like a cloud in the hands of a pegasus sculpture.
I shall make my way to Froggy Bottom Bog next, to-
Faith shut the diary and used his magic to ensnare it. He considered, if only for a moment, placing it back on the shelf. Visions of the queens deciding to burn it (as such things had been done in the past to lesser libraries) stopped his hoof and he placed the diary in his saddle bag. Its uses could still be found, as it had already provided him with the answer he sought, even if it wasn’t the one he desired.
Faith shut his eyes once more and forced himself to accept what he had already expected.
The Elements of Harmony had taken control of the bearers. Twilight's friends were innocents that were being used much like the guards and the CMC. The true villain of the tale Faith now found himself in were the other five Elements of Harmony.
The Elements of Harmony… the abstracts... his older brothers and sisters.
His family.
"Bugger."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I will, most likely, be taking an extra day off for the holiday and will not post the next chapter until Friday/Saturday.
And thus finally a character learned the truth: The Abstracts of Honesty, Generosity, Laughter, Loyalty and Kindness have taken and bonded with Twilight's friends and are driving them to do all that they have done.
While the reveal isn't much for the readers (as they should have realized what was going on thanks to the preview in Faith and Doubt), this chapter still serves a great purpose: showing Faith's past. I wanted a glimpse of our favorite abstract NOT being a villain. His relationship with Clockwork was his first true friendship after Luna turned into Nightmare Moon and when Clockwork finally died a part of Doubt died with him. This, coupled with Celestia and Luna's betrayals, hardened his heart a bit till it was very hard for him to trust others... until baby Twilight Sparkle came along and things were set in motion.
For those wondering, I wanted to convey the feeling during the 'whispers' scene that Faith's power was like hundreds of voices all murmuring about the guards, jumping about so none could follow them, of various loudness and strength. The effect would work better if I could left justify.
We are now moving into the second act of the story, though we still have a bit to go in act one. The tone of Act Two draws from the tone of works like A Tale of Two Cities, Les Miserables, and historical events such as the start of the American Revolution.
The prepping is nearly over.
The War for Equestria is about to begin.
What a twist!
I like, I like very very much, keep up the excellent work
~Your Faithful follower from the start LaVolpe9396
That and what egged them on to that point, dear Lord of the Gray. (becuse faith is a ladies name.)
Gentle voice call your name sing, pray, and hope for the perfect moment, so when it coems ot take the dive of faith. . . that it will let you sore and amaze the world!
P.S. Shining needs a crash corse in Mare and Stallion relations me thinks.
Shouldn't it be blanket?
i like
This is so relevant it hurts. Wait, no. False alarm, someone just stabbed me.
The Elements of Harmony are not evil.They are trying to run life but they don't know how it works, Doubt has had a look
through pony's minds for a 1000 years, the other Elements don't know anything except what they got from there bearer.
Huge spoiler in the story description, you might wanna change that.
Still, it'll prompt me to finish Faith and Doubt.
This is the problem with abstraction - it is the removal of all context, and context is what mortal life is all about.
We have the expression "Killing with Kindness" for a reason, too much of anything is bad for you.
...apparently there can even be too much Pinkie Pie...
Yet its not the other Elements who are the true enemy... something else is at play here...
Family problems...
You all know how they are...
Hmmmm.... the only thing wrong right now is that there is just too much Order and too little Nightmare in play....
Well then, time to throw in a large amount of Chaos is to Balance things out! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
Chaos is a good thing, for Chaos is Change, if one is to adapt change, then much knowledge that one has gained...
And now the Controlled Chaos group knows what made things go too controlled in EQ...
Looking Forward to the next update!!!
great chapter!
while most already knew of the true villains, confirmation is still a major part. granted, it was hard to tell how much the elements REALLY influenced the bearers, and it's still a little hazy, but it's probably safe to conclude that this was almost entirely the elements doing.
Good chapter, and good that one of the characters finally know what is going on. Still wondering about that mysterious voice and wonder what that voice has to do with all of this.
The problem with The Elements is that they cannot grasp that life is not perfect and that any pony or other being is bound to mistakes at various points in their lives. But making mistakes is part of what life is all about because it is through our mistakes that we grow stronger and learn new things. If we never made mistakes life would be pointless as there would be nothing to learn and nothing to do.
The worst part is the fact that they are so obessed with making things perfect that they do not realize that they are creating the very thing they oppose, a land where everyone is forced to be perfect and have no free will.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/23193102.jpg
I no longer have to hate the rest of the mane 6. Phew
'Bugger'
That is what everybody thinks when family is involved.
could faith convince them to listen if he seperated them and talked to them one by one?
Faith goes from being poetic to "Bugger"
1649828>>1649880
And you hit the nail right on the head. The elements (and the queens) do not understand life and are, sadly, thinking too simple and too small. They have entered a world they don't understand and try to impose views upon the subjects without considering what they are truly doing.
The next few chapters will deal with the aftermath. Twilight and the rest have only fought, which makes going through this dark world rather easy. But now that they have a chance to breathe and see just what is happening and what has been lost, the horror and the sadness will fall upon them. As Twilight said, the only reason she is laughing is so she won't cry because she already knows that it is only going to get worse from here.
1651388
So, what you're saying is that the characters behavioral patterns should be monotonic & fixed, and to lay off the philosophy?
1652012
That's not what I said at all, but since the author accidentally deleted my post, I can't effectively defend my statement.
I dont like how the story is TOO philosophical. And the philosphy that does get spurted out isn't helpful in any way. In fact, it always dampens the mood. I also said that Twilight shifts from sarcastic to broody almost instantly and that seems to be her only two emotions. I'd like to see some more casual stuff, some lightheartedness, and not have Twilight's personality always be in extremes.
small error. "He back up" should be "He backed up"
Keep'em coming!
1652194
My only arguement to the sudden shift is that time HAS passed between chapters. From the chapter to the last several hours past, which has allowed Twilight time to cool down. It is easy to be brash and bold and sarcastic in the heat of battle. But when the fight is done and you have time to consider that your enemy was your friend, it is easy to fall into sorrow.
Plus, these are extreme times which will lead to extreme emotions.
As for philosophy... well, I suggest you look away, because it isn't going to end. This story was never about grand fights where hoof met hoof... many battles will be battles of words and thoughts, of contrasting points of view and the questions about power, peace, and sacrifice.
Though yes, there will be magical duels. There will be battles and there will be a rebellion.
As for your comment about Faith... remember, he is the 'Gandalf' of this story... and Faith will have his own Balrogs to face and wounds to lick soon enough. We've only seen Faith deal with 2 guards and Scootaloo's team... they aren't even close to the top tier of the queens' armies.
While I disagree with everything you said, it is your right to say it. Just be warned that I am not very likely to change how I write the story so you may be disappointed with what is to come.
1652194
Yeah... accidentally.
Well, you keep believing that!
But seriously though, I, for one, loved the philosophy, but i suppose not everyone will, and hard times like this can drive almost anyone to 'extreme' emotions like the ones showed by the characters in this story.
1652369
Yes. Accidentally. The author PM'd me saying so.
1652288
Really? Crap, because I'm DYING to see how this ends.
1652516
You're absolutely sure?
Like COMPLETELY sure?
If you are, make sure that you're sure about your sureness.
1652541
What are you insinuating?
1652562
What do you think?
Not so sure now, are you?
1652605
I think... the conversation has just been derailed. Good day.
images.wikia.com/glee/images/9/90/Neutral-feel-like-a-sir-clean-l.png
1652649
Good day to you too, sir.
1652669>>1652649
Can we keep it on topic, here kids.
I believe FIery Joker was proclaiming how awesome I was and you were asking if I wanted a sandwich.
(On Topic, yes, I accidently deleted Joker's comment. I was in the wrong screen, cleaning up some old garbage from The Many Secret Origins and didn't realize I had clicked his post to delete. That said, i did read it, so it wasn't a waste).
I only delete stuff that a) is an obvious troll b) becomes so repetitive (IE, the same complaint over and over, like I got Faith and Doubt about alicorn Twilight) that I already know what they are saying. Joker hasn't done that and I welcome any of his comments, good and bad (as he has expressed his liking of many things within the story). Can't say I agreed with what he said there about Twilight, and when it came to Faith I argue that you have to set up your characters at this point as strong in order to make the struggles they will face next all the more shocking. I point to Gandalf... powerful, wise, gets the story moving... then disappears and we learn he got his ass handed to him by Saurmon. Then he bites it fighting the Balrog. i can't spoil things, but Faith will face his own troubles soon enough... and the fact he is taking on OLDER ABSTRACTS than himself should leads to concern.
Is Faith British?
1652720
So... is that a yes or a no on the sandwich?
1650061
What a Irony, elements are now taking control over others and do not recognize that they thamselfs are bying manipulated,
But you know the world, when two are fighitng, the trith is the winner.
I bet that when mane 5 will fight again Twilight and Doubt in house war, the true villan wil watch behind the scenes, to enter in once the war is over and take down the winner.
I found it happen in many games, when some good characters were bying manipulated to do bad deeds only to be backstabed once they failed or found out that they were bying used, same is for villan, some of tham think they are masterminds who can take over the world, only to find out that they were manipulated by other villan behind the scenes who apperantly also want to take over the world ( practicaly it is a very good strategy, use others resourcess to weaken your enemy, and than take out your enemy and competition, but in RPGs it backfire greatly, for example, boss level 40 is defeated but he was used by boss level 60 who later is defeated and than boss level 90 get in the scene and is also defeated as final boss or true ending boss, practicaly in RPG it is just helping main hero win by giving him trails to gain experience, but if it is not RPG, it is a very good strategy ).
1652760
Yes, Faith is British. he is based off actor Tom Hardy's version of Bane.
1652720
And I can't wait for those segments. A battle of words, as you put it, sounds very interesting. And No offense, but I really want to see Faith's smug flank get knocked down a peg. Pretentious little moodkiller. Technically this whole scenario is his fault... Oh was I rambling? Sorry. Show me more!
Is Chaos really a bad thing?
After all they do say that Chaos is a storm. When a storm hits a village made of straw the results are bad. Most are injured, some dead, and Many in disrepair. Survivors rebuild, Smart Ones rebuild with Stronger stuff and life continues.
Storm comes again. this time they are more Prepared... Results: No dead, Little loss, and all is well...
Chaos is the Unknown... it brings about Change.... If one can't Hoof it, they don't make it... Adapt to it and you'll grow stronger....
Chaos is change, Chaos is Balance, and Chaos is Not always Light or Dark...
Will the Order Be Broken, or will the Nightmare continue on...
Got more to say, but i have a need to read!!!
good chapter again looking towards the next
Family problems in Equestria tend to span a few hundred years...
I hope the quote 'victory through sacrifice' comes into effect soon
Sorry for late review on this one, read a few days ago when it came out, but played around with re-reading and writing a review and all this. Not to mention, THOUGHT there was something wanted to call attention to or say from last chapter that didn't before, but if did, I forgot it.
Well, Twilight's doing her best to stay strong, but I imagine it's only gonna get harder from here, as I said a couple chapters ago. I'm confused by the whole saying you think you can't justify Faith's whispers part, at least when he's trying to play the part of a disabled pony... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
Anyway, good to learn a bit more about Faith's past as Doubt with one of the few ponies that could hear him; though I think in Faith and Doubt, you said there were only three ponies that he got himself a voice to give advice to: Celestia, Luna, and Twilight Sparkle (according to his cutie mark), but not sure if was aware you'd be planning on doing a fourth as well at the time. I'd almost like to see Faith bringing Clockwork back, but that'd probably be a like, deus ex machina type thing and I think this story may be a little too good for that, even if I'm still not as fond of it as I was with Faith and Doubt later on. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Applejack.png And seems like he finally realizes what's going on, that his siblings are behind all this. Not sure how he's gonna tell Twilight and the others, though I wouldn't be surprised if she or the others blame him for it and attacked him, even if he knows that they're being brainwashed and such.
And Act 2?! How many acts will this story have, if Act 2 doesn't take up the remainder of the story? If don't mind my asking, that is. Well, definitely a lighter-hearted chapter, even though did have sad moments and a bit of revelation and definitely starting to warm up, even if it's gonna be more violent from here on out. Looking forward to next chapter and hopefully, seeing who is in the rebellion FINALLY that been waiting some chapters on.
List of errors here in this chapter (less than previous few):
If one came towards the hatch in any way over than the direction Shining had taken, the trap door would appear to be nothing more than a patch of dirt. <------- Think it should be other, as not sure saying over would mean the same thing, even if ponies (like people) walk over paths or... anything really. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png But other makes it so refers to anything but the direction Shining took in this case, which makes it sound right.
Of course, Shining had taking the extra precaution of enchanting 20 separate sections of dirt within a 4 mile radius, just to throw off any patrols that might make their way through the forest. <-------- Taking is present tense, should be taken cause referring to a past event.
“Because if I don't laugh I'll cry.” <-------- Missing comma here, for same reason as in previous chapters.
His breath came out in wheezing gasps and every once and a while he would cough. <-------- Once again, "once in a while" is proper phrase, but if think it sounds right, can leave it be. And will stop addressing it.
He back up, let out a cough, and shifted, now bumping into the guard’s barrel chest. <-------- As someone else said, should be "backed up", as makes more sense than how it is now.
The guards listened, letting out twin sighs of relief when then heard a snort, followed by a body plopping down on the ground. <-------- They, cause then normally refers to something afterward and with when before it, doesn't sound right here.
His legs were no longer bowed and his back straightened and became strong. <-------- I dunno, this line may be alright, but I think didn't imply/say that Faith was pretending to be limping on more than one leg and not sure if "bowed" should be "bent", even if both words mean the same thing, I think.
It was an old work; not as old as him but still well aged. <--------- I dunno if should be "well-aged", just cause seems more right, but... your call, man.
Faith filled through the journal to the next passage, not surprised by what he found. <--------- I think you mean filed? As filled is what you do with things like a cup, a drinking glass, or stomach. And he's looking through the pages of the journal, aka filing through them.
Something changed, altered a piece... more research is needed. <----------- Altering? I think sounds more right than it does as-is based on the previous line before this one, but may be fine.
I have thought about it long and hard and I have decided upon a name, at least till I can help it find its own. <------- In a previous sentence in the same journal entry as this line, Clockwork (or you, should say) wrote about him identifying the voice in his head as a male, so not sure if'd wanna fix them to "him" and "his", respectively, so it's consistent.
Clockwork could have been a bearer, had fate been so kind and for a moment the silver alicorn wondered what life would have been like with the smart little stallion had saved him. <------- That should be "if", with way the rest of the sentence is written.
The other pages he recognize but this part, since it was not about him (and he was ashamed by that streak of egotism… but what was one to expect from a stallion that made his wings from mirrors?) he had ignored. <-------- Recognized, kind of a grammatical error, the way it's written now.
My search is to find more about Doubt and his origins and I care little for some cackling mare than forever changes the color of her flank and whose hair twists and reshapes itself like a cloud in the hands of a pegasus sculpture. <------- That, cause than is a word used for comparisons.
1649940
Aw, thanks! Really, I'm just someone who kinda has OCD and is more attentive to details at times, though I don't make a habit of trying to correct EVERYTHING that I read that has errors, whether few or many. I also feel a bit bad for not really letting others have a chance, at least last few chapters (not the reason why I didn't comment among first several on this one, just got sidetracked after I read and didn't write them down at first, and with note about extra time before the next one, thought I could put it off a bit and did more than intended), but eh, if he doesn't mind and I guess they don't mind... eh.
Heh... it is time!
It is situations like these, that I created my Herald Character.
"Cry 'Havoc!' and let slip the Dogs of War!"
The part of Twilight kicking his butt at the wedding I'm honestly going to chalk it up to she caught him by surprise. I mean it's not like he could have expected her to attack him and I'm pretty sure his Shields are strong enough to withstand her magical attacks although he was probably exhausted keeping the big shields up. Not to mention she was charged with dark magic.
although now that she's an alicorn he has every reason to worry about ticking her off.