• Member Since 11th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen April 17th

G-man64


T

Campfire is a caravan leader but his merchandise isn't tangible. He tells stories to scare people. But it's Nightmare Night his biggest night to make some caps and the nearest town is too far away. It start's to rain and him and his team need to hide out in an Asylum supposedly the one the per-war psycho six-six-four-four-two stayed in. But are his demons still in the halls?

I would like to thank doomande for pre-reading it and helping the pacing and Silvertie for helping me with some other minor mistakes. Happy Nightmare Night.

Feel free to mention the characters in this story just give me the credit for their creation and if it's based after this night or during mention that it's non-canonical because I'll be back next year to tie up loose ends. Stay tuned.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )

Hmmmm..... kill it with fire.... or wear it..... kill it with balefire.... quickly.

With regards to the editor thing, don't rely on editors. Editors spot errors, but they can edit faster if you're checking yourself in the first place. Self-edit, stop as many mistakes as you can as you write them, and then send it to editors and see if you missed anything. The less time editors spend picking over grammatical mistakes, the more time they have to actually think about the story itself.

Scene breaks (All those *************'s) don't need to take up the whole page - just five or six *'s, [center] aligned would do.

You're going at quite a hectic pace here, especially for a horror-centric story. I'd advise less scene breaks, more description of the environment, and perhaps a little more buildup before you actually off characters.

One more tip, apostrophes. Six-six-four-four-two's jumpsuit. Marcos' leg. Possessives get apostrophes, in the manner shown before. You can use them for contractions (You are -> You're, Should not -> Shouldn't).

So the experiment's began some test's were positive some not so much.

Nothing in this sentence needs an apostrophe. Those aren't contractions or possessives. I'd also sprinkle some other punctuation up in there, but one step at a time.

1495119
Alright thanks. And in regard to the self-editing I do that it's just always nice to get a second opinion before letting the public see it's just how I like to do things but I was in a crunch for time (since it's only eight days till Nightmare Night) so I thank you and will take care of the suggestions at once. Also about me going too fast I know it's a problem I need to work on over all.

I agree with Silvertie, pacing is really important for a story, and it seems like you're rushing it. I would also like to see more descriptions, too. Otherwise, you have an interesting concept and I can't wait to see more. If you need a pre-reader, let me know. I think I have time before Nightmare Night.

1505975
It's alright it's been Pre-read by Doomande and it's better on the pacing and more descriptive now but if you still want to pre-read I wouldn't say no I'll send you the Gdocs link in a PM

3783832
That's why I chose this one. Its just a one-shot and in turn my only story that's actually done. :twilightblush:

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:pinkiecrazy:BURNBURNBURN!:pinkiecrazy:

I'm not a fan of FOE, but it's my duty to review.
And before you in what you see, I will read this all through.
HeeHee, it rhymes...

Ok, review's going up on the Reviews for all! Forum.

Could be much better... Check my group forums for why.
Disliked, but followed for updates...

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