Chapter 48: Attack of the Ugly Statue
Oh boy! It’s time for the Grand Galloping Gala! This is my second least favorite day of the year, just behind Hearts and Hooves day. The problem is that I end up just standing next to Celestia greeting a bunch of boring rich ponies I don’t even care about. Though this year Twilight and her friends are coming so hopefully I can trick her into taking my place.
Well it’s time for the gala to start. Another thing I hate about this day is it’s the one day of the year that Celestia insists I dress nicely. So I end up having to wear a tuxedo. The biggest problem I have with this is the fact my usual outfit is what I’m used to wearing so anything different is uncomfortable. After a few minutes of sitting around Twilight came running up the stairs talking to Celestia. They greeted each other and Celestia asked Twilight to stand next to her. Poor girl, she has no idea how boring it is.
“Well, I see no reason you need both Twilight and me here. So I’m just going to leave.” I ran away before Celestia could say anything.
I’ll be honest, the rest of the gala is not much better. It’s just boring in a different way. After being bored for a while I saw Pinkie sitting at another table looking bored too. Maybe she could liven things up. I walked over to her table.
“Hey Pinkie.” I waved at her.
“Hi Sean! What are you doing here?”
“Um, I live here.”
“Oh yeah. So are you as bored as I am?”
“Yep. We can just hang out.”
“Ok.”
“So, where are all your friends?”
“Oh, Well Fluttershy is playing with animals, Dashie is trying to impress the Wonderbolts, Applejack is selling things, and Rarity is trying to get it on with somepony called Blueblood.”
“Oh poor Rarity.”
“Why?”
“I know Blueblood and he is a spoiled, egotistical, little brat. You know he once yelled at Twilight and called her filth.”
“Wow he sounds like a real meanie.”
“Pretty much. Maybe we’ll get to see Rarity find out. It may be funny.”
I was banging my head against the table, this was no better than standing around with Celestia. Even Pinkie was unable to make it better. May as well take a nap, Pinkie had left to try and liven things up again. Just as I was dozing off I heard some yelling. I opened my left eye to see a cake covered Rarity yelling at Blueblood insulting him and all the fun. I watched as he backed away from her. Then he ended bumping into the centerpiece of the room and knocking it over. I did see Rainbow Dash trying to catch but fail. It ended up hitting one column and starting a domino effect with the rest.
This was getting more interesting. Then the door to the garden burst open with all the animals running around scaring away the fancy ponies. A very angry Fluttershy ran in yelling about them loving her or something. This is hilarious, there’s Blueblood hiding in the corner and animals running all over the place messing up the fancy room even more and scaring away the fancy ponies.
After a minute or so I saw them all running for the door just behind Twilight. So that’s how they play it, mess up the party and run. Wonder how Celestia is going to handle this. Speaking of which, here she comes now, surprisingly she doesn’t look mad at all.
“Hello Sean, enjoying the gala?”
“Not at first, but this is funny.”
“True, would you mind gathering all the animals and putting them outside.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes.”
“Fine.” I got up and started chasing the animals around. You know they aren’t that hard to catch, all you do is turn into a manticore and chase them through the door. Ok, I will admit I did eat one rabbit. Only because he was giving me sass. After I finished and had shut the door I walked to where Celestia was sitting. “So, are you gonna go yell at Twilight and her little friends?”
“No, I’m going to go thank them for livening up this party.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Clean up this room.”
“Aw man.”
I hate Equestria in times of peace. It’s so boring, there isn’t anything to do. There aren’t even any holidays coming up. Just monotonous royal tasks. I wish something would happen. I was sitting on a window sill in the sun preparing for a nap.
“Wish granted.” A voice said.
“Who’s there?” I sat up looking around.
“Oh, where are my manners?” Then there was a flash and a weird snakey thing appeared in front of me. You know, it looked like that ugly statue I had thrown at Celestia. “I’m Discord. Spirit of chaos and disharmony.”
“Good for you.” I got back to lying in the sun.
“Hey, don’t ignore me.” He snapped his fingers and I was teleported out of the sun and onto the ground. Then he walked in front of me. “So, you’re the newest member to our club.”
“What club is that?” I got up dusting myself off.
“The club of immortal beings. I must say, you’re weird looking.”
“Says the guy that looks like someone took a bunch of road kill and glued it together.”
“Watch your mouth boy.” Oh joy! He’s like Sombra, so easy to upset.
“Ok, so what’s your story Dizzy?”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Aw Dizzy don’t be so boring.”
“Stop it.”
“Make me.”
Discord snapped his fingers and a piece of duct tape appeared and wrapped around my mouth and head several times. “There we go. Now, I believe you asked what my story was.” He snapped his finger a chair appeared behind him as well as a book titled The Life of Discord. Then a chair appeared behind me. Forcing me to sit in it and tying me down. “Let’s begin.” The next few minutes were painfully boring. I had already drained the magic from the ropes keeping me tied to the chair and I had acid breath ready to melt the tape. Now I just had to wait for the perfect moment to strike.
“And that, is why I hate fruit tarts.” He said tearing up a bit. Freak. I can’t take any more of this. I tore the ropes and leapt at Discord. I smashed into him breaking his chair. Melting the tape I prepared to punch him when he teleported. “How rude! Here I am, opening up to you and you attack me.”
“Don’t act like the victim here.”
“You are so mean. Why? I’m a perfectly pleasant person.”
“Sure you are.” I tried to tackle him again. He teleported away.
“I know what you can do, I’m not letting you touch me. I like my magic inside me.” He snapped his fingers and we were teleported out of the palace. Where ever we were now it was not easy on the eyes. The ground was pink and white tiles, the sky was all twisty and there were random things floating around. Such as lamp posts, buildings, and clocks.
“Where are we now?”
“Welcome to my dimension! This is where I was dumped when Celestia and Luna trapped me in that stone body. By the way, I did not appreciate being thrown at Celestia during that fight of yours.”
“Fascinating, now let me out of here.”
“Sorry, I need to leave you here for a bit. Can’t have you running around messing with my scheme.” He snapped his fingers and was gone. Well that’s just great!
I’ve been wandering around this place trying to find any way out. I tried flying but I think this place nullifies magic so my powers aren’t working. The real problem is if I’m stuck here for too long I’ll probably die from magic deprivation. Stupid snake horse goat thing. How long has it been since I was left here? I grabbed one of the floating clocks.
“Oh come on!” the clock’s hands were just spinning around. I guess that fits Discord’s personality. I walked around for a while longer when there was a flash and Discord was in front of me again.
“Hello Sean, how’s your stay here been?”
“Terrible!”
“Aw that’s a shame.”
“Will you let me out of here?”
“Sorry, can’t. Though I can show you what I’ve been working on.” He snapped his fingers and a screen appeared in front of us. Then it began to show Discord messing with all the element bearers and turning them all gray and opposite in personality. Then the movie ended after he showed them Ponyville.
“Impressive. I love how Fluttershy beat you. That’s just embarrassing.”
“Maybe you’ll shut up after I do this.” He flew down and touched my head.
I looked myself over nothing had happened. “Was that supposed to do something?”
“I forgot, you’re immune to mind control.” Discord face palmed. “Well I guess I’ll just leave you here.” As he began to teleport I tackled him so I teleported with him. We ended up landing in ponyville. I must say, the town is pretty messed up. It looks just like Discords weird little dimension.
“I’ll show you freak.” I started to choke him and drain his magic.
“Get off!” He kicked me in the stomach so I flew off him. He got up and snapped his fingers. There was a flash around me but nothing happened. Discord looked at his hand in confusion. “What? You should be on the moon suffocating.”
“Oh Dizzy, I’ve taken enough of your magic to resist it. How about you let me take some more.” I sprinted at him preparing to punch him. There was a flash and Discord vanished.
“What is going on?” I turned to see Discord looking very upset. “Why can’t I teleport away?”
“How dense are you? I took your magic so you’re weaker. Seriously, for an ancient god thing you’re pretty slow.” I ran at him and punched him in the stomach. As he hunched over my knee smashed into his face. I grabbed his face and smashed it into a nearby tree. To finish it off I turned my hand into a dragon head and shot a column of fire at him. Sadly he was able to teleport just in time to avoid it.
“Well I have enough strength to do this.” He weakly pick himself up then snapped again and a spear appeared and flew at me. I jumped into the air to avoid it but the spear ended up following me. It stabbed through my chest. I flew back and was speared into the wall a few feet above the ground.
“You think this will hold me?” I grabbed the spear and tried to pull it out. Turns out it is touch sensitive and electrocuted me when I touched it effectively killing me.
“Oh Sean, if I can’t teleport you away I’ll just keep you trapped here. Good luck getting out.” He turned and flew away.
“Come back here! I’ll kill you!” This is worse than being trapped in the other dimension at least I could move in there. I can’t even escape by shape shifting it can somehow sense that and shocks me for that too.
So I was left pinned to that wall for around an hour until there was a big rainbow a few blocks away. Then everything started to go back to normal. Eventually all the buildings were on the ground and the sky and ground reverted to their normal look.
I am so bored! It’s been like four hours since the town was fixed, the sun has gone down. For some reason there are no ponies around. I ended up falling asleep after a few minutes. Then there was a voice.
“Sean? Sean!”
“What?” I opened my eyes and looked around. Eventually I looked down to see Twilight and Spike looking up at me. “Hey guys.”
“Sean what are you doing up there?”
“I was kind of pinned here by Discord. I assume you beat him?”
“Yep, it was great. I managed to fix all my friends then we beat Discord and there was this ceremony.”
“Yeah, that sounds great Twilight and I’d love to hear the rest. But could you help get me down?”
“Why don’t you just pull the spear out?”
“Pull the spear out!? Wow Twilight I never thought of that, you’re a life saver.” I said rolling my eyes.
“Glad to help.” She obviously knew that I couldn’t get down and was just mocking me.
“I was being sarcastic you purple brat!”
“You’re not really in a position to be insulting me.”
“Get me down from here now!”
“You know,” she let out a fake yawn. “Beating Discord has made me pretty tired, I think I’m going to go to bed. See you tomorrow Sean.” Twilight turned walking away.
“Wait Twilight! Come on. Help!”
She turned to look at me. “What’s the magic word?”
“Seriously?”
“Say it.”
“Please.” If she were any other pony I would have killed her by now.
“Was that so hard?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, let me get you down.” Her horn glowed and the spear became covered in purple aura. Then the spear was yanked out of my chest. That of course killed me. When I recovered my face was shoved in the ground and my mouth was full of dirt. I spat it out and looked at Twilight.
“Really? You could have just teleported me away from the spear and not make me eat dirt.”
“I know, but that was more fun.”
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lol good chapter mate
2983010 Thanks
2983081Sup, Puta? How'd it feel having that long rod inside you?
2983186 It's sad how he lost in our previous encounter and is trying to cling to some way to boost his ego. sad little dog
Seriously, he makes you not seem petty.
2983234I didn't lose! Volt butted in! And as for Insanity Rules, how dare you compare me to Bob!? I'm superier to that dragon cock sucker in every way!
2983381 Ha, hear that Bob? The glorified rat says he's better than you.
It's so pathetic it loops back around to being funny.
2983434I'm the pathetic one? Really? Let me ask you something, Bob. I'm insulting both you and Sean, but there is something wrong with that. Why hasn't Volt stopped me yet? Why haven't Carlos or Maverick said anything to try to get me to shut up yet? Think about it. Take a wild guess.
2983604 Because they gave up on you shutting up and are just waiting till your little battery runs out. You're clearly too dumb to try and reason with
2983620Not even close! The reason why none of them have stopped me, also the same reason as to why I'm better than Bob, is that I have complete control! Volt can't do shit about it! He doesn't even know when it happens, cause I take charge when he sleepwalks, which is really often, and the other two are knockedout by the time I take over. No one remembers and I get off scotch free. As a bonus, thanks to me, Volt is responsible for 7 acts of theft, 19 acts of assult, and my personal favorite, 73 acts of rape. I added 2 to his assults after our last arguement. What now, Bob?
2983847 Well i guess you win in the sexually deprived homicidal rapist department. Am i meant to be impressed?
2983891Hey, fuck you. That's still a win! At least I can take control for a few hours while all you get are migrains.
2983918 I really have no need to take control, because I'm not a sad little creature that needs to force his authority to compensate for the fact he is nothing.
2983924You know, you're really starting to take the fun out of...
Philipe.
...
We need to talk.
2983963 Oh snap!
Suck it dog!
2984466 Thank you.
welllllll... that was an interesting conversation
2983963 oh and Philipe do you still lick you balls or when you take over Volt his balls?
2985809My body isn't that flexible. And as for Philipe, he won't be part of the comments any time soon. Maverick and Carlos are seeing to that.
2985855 well that's good, but what about when you and the other two fall asleep?
2985869With Carlos' help, the doc was able to seal Philipe into a deep pit in the back of my mind. Think of it like this:
I am Equestria.
Maverick is Celestia.
Carlos is Luna.
And Philipe is Discord.
2986056 makes sense
2986056 you could make a story about you guys
2986070I'd have to give that some thought.
2986092 so what do you think of this story?
2986125I find it very entertaining.
2986163 so anyway I want to learn more about your two "friends"
2986194By friends, I assume you mean Carlos and Maverick?
2986409 yes
2986414If you go through the comments, you'll find one where I introduced them to Sean.
2986553
2983081
3007627Well, that was...
Weird and unhealthy.
Dayum!
3008490 well whats volts opinoin
3013755By the time the video was over, it was lunch time. Guess where I went.
3013898 five guys burgers