The Last Human

by Blackdragn18

Chapter 3: War time

Well I’ve been here for a month and a half, things have fallen into a routine. I wake up around 7:30 when Celestia brings breakfast, then she goes who knows where, comes back at 2:00 for lunch, leaves and after that eventually comes back for dinner where we spend most of the night talking and hanging out.

She tells me about Equestria’s history, I in return tell her about the little I know of human history. To make it easier for me I just gave her the books I had taken from home. In other news she says the griffin war is still at a standstill which is annoying since I can’t leave till it’s over.

Anyway, it’s almost time for lunch. Good thing too, because I’m hungry.

Princess Celestia hummed slightly as she stacked Sean’s lunch on a plate. This past month and a half had been interesting. After all, it’s not every day a strange creature comes to your door claiming to have some of your DNA. She was also happy because her friendship with him had been strengthening, soon he would be getting his last ability back. Her idea on what to do with him when the war was over had become her overall plan. Hopefully he would agree.

After finishing with the food Celestia grasped the plate in her magic and left the kitchen. She passed two guards that waited in front of the staircase to her room. Ceasing the humming she calmly walked past the armored ponies.

“There she goes again.” The guard whispered as the princess headed to her chambers. “What’s going on with her?”

“What do you mean?” His partner looked to him.

“Haven’t you noticed that every day the princess eats her meal, then takes a plate of extra food to her room?”

“That is strange. Probably just a midnight snack or something.”

“Maybe.” The pony looked towards the stairs.

This is so boring. I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, Celestia had visited for a while as I ate lunch but then had to leave again. I had spent the last hour just lying there.

“It’s ok.” The guard whispered to himself as he neared the door to Celestia’s room. “She won’t even know.” The pony had decided to investigate the strange food behavior of the princess, after she left he had snuck up the stairs. Reaching a hoof out he began to open the door.

“You’re back earlier than usual.” I sat up as the door began to open. To my surprise a guard walked into the room. “Hey, you’re not Celestia.”

“What the?” The guard looked at me with wide eyes. “Monster!” He took a step back.

“That’s rude.” I stood up. “I have a name you know.” The guard tried to run out the door but I ran in front of him and closed it. “Sorry, but you’ve seen too much.” From this distance I was able to get a better look at him, I growled as I noticed a bruise on his cheek. “You!” This was the one who beat me outside the castle.

“Get away.” The pony then looked around before running to the corner and throwing a chair at me. The furniture just hit me in the face and broke.

“Ok, now you’re getting annoying.” Slowly walking to him I kicked him in the head. He fell to the ground groaning in pain, crying out as I kicked him in the ribs. Several nice cracks were heard.

Looking around the room I got an idea. Walking to my bed I grabbed the sheets and twisted them into a rope. Walking back to the guard after a quick kick to the face I tied his legs. Then spotting a rafter I quickly flung one end of the sheets over it before raising the half conscious guard into the air. A few knots later and he was dangling there completely helpless.

“There we go.” I smiled. “You really bring the room together.” Glaring at him my fist made contact with his face, his body swinging away as he was knocked out. “Much better.” I went back to my bed and sat down admiring my work.

After another few hours of sitting around the sound of the door opening came again. Sitting back up I was happy to see Celestia enter with food.

“Here’s dinner.” She gave me the plate. As I began to eat she spotted the dangling guard.

“Sean.” She turned, not looking too pleased. “Why is one of my guards unconscious and hanging from the ceiling?”

“Simple, he came in and saw me. After trying to attack me I knocked him out and turned him into an ornament.”

“If that’s all you did then why is his face bleeding?” She glared at me.

“I was just returning the favor. He’s the one who beat me that one day.”

“Ugh.” Celestia brought a hoof to her forehead. Turning back to the guard her horn glowed and he began to heal, then there was a flash and he was gone.

“Where’d you send him? The sun?”

“No?” She shook her head. “I wiped his memory and returned him to his post, he will think he just fell asleep.”

“Lame.”

Celestia sighed as she prepared for bed. The thought of how Sean would react to ponies besides herself had slipped her mind. The guard incident was proof that it may not be good. Maybe with a bit of integration and talking he’d be able to be safe with them.

Today is worse than usual. Celestia has some big war meeting today and told me she won’t be able to hang out until dinner. I don’t know how they can be having so much trouble with these chicken heads. They aren’t that tough.

I guess I’ll just take a nap.

Princess Celestia’s head bobbed as she listened to the general talk about the war. According to him it wasn’t going well. Most of their forces had been pushed back from the borders, and those who hadn’t were having trouble holding their own.

“Unfortunately if we want to win it will probably take a miracle.” The general shook his head. “The best we can hope for is to surrender and agree to their demands.” Then an idea occurred to Celestia.

“Thank you general, meeting adjourned.” The ponies in the room looked surprised as she headed out the door. Quickly moving to her room she smiled. This was perfect, she had the weapon they needed sitting right in her bedroom.

I was lying on the bed with my head dangling off the edge making popping sounds with my mouth, my talks with Celestia are the one thing I enjoy during the day. But of course this stupid war is ruining that. I’ve never been so bored in my life. Then the door swung open Celestia quickly entered and closed it.

“Celestia!” I raised my hands in the air. “How was the meeting?”

“Boring.”

“I can relate.” That got a smile from her. “So, what do you wanna do?”

“Actually you know how you’ve been wanting to go outside?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I found a way for you to do that and help me.”

This is going to be awesome! Celestia finally let me go outside, and it gets better. She sent me out so that I could kill griffins! Best day ever. Currently I was a bird flying to the border where the army I was helping supposedly was. I wanted to be a dragon but that’s too obvious according to her.

“Ah, here we go.” Almost directly below me there was a mass of griffins, they were pushing forwards while forcing their pony foes to retreat. “Show time.”

Stopping right above the battlefield I returned to my human form and began to free fall. Leaving a small crater as I slammed into the ground I stood up as my legs healed. I smiled as several griffins began to stand back up after my impact sent the flying. There were a few groans behind me so there was a chance ponies got caught in the shock wave but oh well. Looking over the griffin army it was gratifying to see them all looking at me in shock and confusing. Then my eyes fell on a certain griffin, he was glaring at me with his one eye.

“Hey it’s you!” I waved to him. All he gave in response was a cold stare. “How’ve you been?” Nothing.

“Who are you supposed to be?” Stepping forward one of the soldiers came up to look me over, the whole time glaring.

“Oh my, where are my manners?” I smiled. “I am known as ‘Aagh! My face!’” Before he could respond I slashed a large cut across his face.

“Aagh! My face!” He shouted, stepping back in pain.

“Exactly!” I laughed before decapitating him. The rest of the griffins looked at the body in surprise before raising their weapons and growling. “Oh this’ll be fun.”

“Hey, it’s just like old times.” I smiled as my foot forced the one eyed griffin to the ground. It had only taken about an hour for me to destroy the entire group of filth. The area was littered with blood and corpses. In many places grass was either not visible or stained red. “So, done anything interesting lately?” I looked down to the pirate griffin.

“Get off me.” He said, attempting to remove my foot from his chest.

“I’m just trying to be nice.” I looked at him, hurt in my eyes. “The least you could do is try to return the favor. After all, I did spare you.”

“After removing an eye!” He growled before tearing at my shin with his talons.

“Hey!” I glared as my blood began to fall on his face. “That’s just rude.” In response he bit my foot. “OK, I’m done with you.” Freeing my leg I took it and proceeded to crush his skull. “There we go.”

“Did you see how awesome I was?” I smiled as Celestia entered the room.

“Yes, I watched the entire battle.” She nodded, not quite sharing my joy.

“You ok? I thought you’d be glad I saved your ponies and won.”

“I am, but we need to discuss your methods.”

“What do you mean?”

“Primarily the sadistic and gruesome way you fought the battle.” She looked concerned. “You seemed to be taking a disturbing amount of joy in the killing.”

“Well of course I enjoy killing them. They’re responsible for the destruction of my home and race.”

“Fair enough. Just try to tone it down and show a little restraint. It won’t help your image when I release you if everypony thinks you’re a psychopath.”

“Fine.”

Celestia sat in her study thinking. After watching Sean work her past concerns began to return. The way he killed the griffins, the whole time smiling while he dismembered one after the other. This showed her just how dangerous he could be if he were to turn on Equestria.

Sighing Celestia decided to do two things. First she was going to put a stronger spell on Sean for her fail-safe. Second the princess was going to offer him a home in the palace. While a good portion of the offer came from her enjoyment of his company it also would allow her to keep an eye on him.

This war is getting really boring, I’ve spent the last two weeks saving ponies from certain doom at the talons of filth. I’m thinking Celestia’s logic was that if she let me out to fight for a few hours a day, that it would hold me over till the end of the war. Sadly it was having the opposite effect, every time I was able to get a breath of fresh air I became more and more reluctant to go back inside.

“Screw it.” I jumped up and walked to the window. “I’m ending this stupid war today.” I then turned into a bird and flew out the window.

I question if the griffin king runs his designs through an architect before he begins construction, I’m guessing no based on how ugly and depressing the capital is. Everything is very blocky in appearance, the homes are like they took a block, dropped it on the ground, and carved little rectangles for the doors and windows. The castle isn’t much better, the thing is essentially a bunch of rectangles and squares just shoved together. Plus everything is made out of really dark bricks. It’s actually all pretty depressing, the massive wall around the city doesn’t help the feel much either.

Anyway, getting to the king would be annoying if I went the direct route, I’d have to kill a bunch of guards and force my way in. That’s a lot of work and sounds boring, so I decided to go a different way. Sneaking into the castle I searched until I found the kings office. After “replacing” one of the guards I stood watch and waited.

“This is not good.” The griffin king growled as he entered his office. “Ever since they started getting assistance from that creature we’ve lost every battle.

“Sir, might I offer a suggestion?” One of his guards said.

“What!?” The king glared at him. “Oh do tell, I’d love to hear the opinion of a mindless drone like yourself.” The guard’s eye twitched.

“I suggest we surrender to the ponies.”

“Never!” The king got in the guards face. “I didn’t realize I was in the company of such a coward.”

“Watch yourself kingy.” The guard growled.

“Or what?” The king asked before being backhanded by his guard. “How dare you!”

“Oh shut up.” The griffin began to transform, after a second the monster that had been saving ponies stood over him. “Are you prepared to surrender?”

“You can’t scare me.”

“I’m not here to scare, I’m just the delivery service.”

“What?” Then a foot smashed into his face knocking him out.

Comments

[Blackdragn18]

1473108 OK thanks for the advice i will work on that.

[MLP BRONY 27]

“Oh, where are my manners? I am known as “Aagh my face!” Then I lengthened my arm and cut across his face and he screamed “Aagh my face!”
“Exactly!”

i nearly died!

[Pelakka_wurm]

read:
Today I learned about the different kinds of ponies. It turns out the horned ones are called unicorns, the winged ones are called Pegasi, and the boring ones are called Earth Ponies.
not boring if they buck your'e face

not as in f*** by the way to certin pervs
“Hey have you noticed that for a while now the Princess eats her dinner, then stacks food on a plate and heads to her room?”
“Yeah it is really weird I wonder why. Midnight Snack maybe?”
“Dunno.”
oh no they're suspecting somthing

[AficionadoAvacado]

Oh God this was hilarious! !!!! Aagh my face! Damn blackdragn, u funny.