Alric, the Chosen Undead, had spent eons in the broken time of his world studying the Curse and searching for a cure. In his research, he learned the horrifying truth. Gwyn had cast the curse upon mankind when he linked the flame to perpetuate the Age of Fire, fearing the natural cycle and the rise of the Dark. In doing so, he damned the world to a slow and agonizing apocalypse, merely for his own lust for power and inability to allow the cycle to happen as it should.
Thus Alric made it his purpose to undo the curse and restore the natural cycle of light and dark to undo the damage Gwyn had wrought. But in the final moment, while he was on the verge of accomplishing his goal, he stumbled into a trap laid upon the First Fire by Gwyn to prevent what the Lord of Cinder had set into motion from ever being undone.
Alric was cast through time and space to a universe not his own. Landing in the Frozen North over one thousand years before the rise of Twilight Sparkle and her friends.
Can he find his way back to fulfill his purpose before it's too late? Or will he succumb to hopelessness and go hollow upon realizing there is no way back?
And what of the two adorable fillies he found within the frozen ruins of a village destroyed by windigos, and saved from freezing to death? What shall become of them?
Sus
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Sus? What do you mean? What is?
Looking forward to more chapters, the Dark souls games are some of my favorites so I'm always glad when a story comes out about them! :)
if you go through with this story and keep at it it could be the best crossover story on this site. keep up the good work!
The Cursed God?
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That was the original version, yup! Over on Ao3, You can track my account across A03 to Spacebattles and over to here through my stories, so yup it's me. This is my account on Fimfiction.
Problem with the original was I had never actually played Pokemon Legends Arceus, I'd only seen videos on Youtube, and was having trouble with the canon characters and the setting. I thought this would be easier. It also sort of fit the theme I was going for,
Really hoping this story doesnt die out like the other Dark Souls stories on this site because its fantastic! Cant wait for more! :D
Alrim saving Sun and Moon steward is so befitting the Dark Souls universe
Has potential. Would be slightly better if he spoke as the undead do in the games, but it's a minor nitpick. Think more old English, or equish as Luna must have gotten it from somewhere.
Let's see where you go with this.
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Yeah I see your point and I actually kind of agree. I'm just not very good at writing Old English personally, even with the guide to Luna speak here on Fimfiction, and since he's the main character I feel like it might get a bit annoying reading that sort of dialogue constantly especially when it's not the best written. The same reason only certain characters in Dark Souls speak that way rather than everyone talking like that. At least, that would be my guess from a developer/writing standpoint. So I went this route.
I can still have him use archaic terms and such and if I ever do a sequel, I can try to have him speak like that in flashbacks and whatnot. So that could be how he speaks canonically but for the sake of writing, I'm going to have him talk like this.
Tl;Dr: I'm not good at writing Old English and I think it would get annoying reading badly written Old English.
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I'm certainly not saying he needs to speak as Gwynevere does, but nearly 90% of the characters have a specific way of speaking that's reminiscent of old English or British manurisms. I just don't want you to fall into the trap of having our chosen undead speak like a 21st century millennial. I know you struggle with all the old hath, we, thou stuff and that's fine, I'm just saying the little details on how he acts gives an immense amount of immersion into his character. All the best, anyways.
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Ah! Well I can certainly have him speak with archaic and sophisticated terms at least. I don't intend for him to sound like a millennial.
Here's a short excerpt from the beginning of the next chapter. I've done what I can to make him sound like a dark souls character. It's not really spoilers so you don't need to worry about that.
I haven't really played any Dark Souls games, but this story has me intrigued.
Let's see where this leads.
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Going off of everything I've read in college or through online research (though I could be wrong), the speech used by Luna and in Dark Souls more resembles that of Middle to Early Modern English rather than the proper Old English.
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If you want to see what 'Old English' as it's known colloquially reads as, there might be Anglo Saxon excerpts or transcripts you can find online that are pretty interesting to read or listen to.
Well, becoming Celestia and Luna's, or alternatively, later in the future, whole Equestria protector could be a good substitute goal to prevent him from going hollow.
Will he stay "human" or don a disguise to better fit later on?
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I just used the wrong word. I'm not good at Early Modern English. There's even a guide here on Fimfiction: here and I still suck at it. I've tried writing with it, but it just doesn't turn out good. Admittedly, that probably means I should practice since that's the only way I'll get better, but I'd rather not with this story in particular since a lot of people seem to like it and I don't want to ruin it with bad Early Modern English.
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He'll stay human. This isn't going to be a human turned pony story. Honestly, being an undead, he's probably very used to being an outcast. So not fitting in because he's not the same species won't bother him.
As for finding an alternative to his purpose, well... I won't spoil the ending.
I'm loving the story. If I may ask, is there anything you are taking inspiration from for the characterization of Alric?
Is he the based on a character you made for the game, or from a different story entirely? I'm taking a screenwriting class currently and I've been tasked with creating a story, so any insight on character creation would be helpful!
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Nope. I just made him up. If I'm being honest I don't even have a fully concrete backstory thought out for him. I'm just making stuff up on the fly. And using what I already wrote for him in The Cursed God, over on Ao3 which is like 3 chapters?
Like the thing with the pendant? Thought of that while writing the chapter. In the original version I said he didn't remember his parents or siblings. Here I decided to extrapolate on that. There's an otherwise useless pendant item in the game that's said to bring back fond memories. I just decided that the pendant is why he assumes he has a sibling, It's just a matter of linking together elements in your own head with things from the original story or game. Or extrapolating on elements from the game.
Since I'm writing a crossover, I take my knowledge of the setting the character came from, Dark Souls, and build him within the bounds of that setting. However I also keep in mind the story I'm injecting him into and try to mold his personality to work within that setting.
So he's going to be the adoptive father/mentor of Celestia and Luna from a very young age. He will thus have a major impact on their development and personalities. So I try to figure how his influence might turn them into the characters we see in canon. Thus I hit several beats that fit squarely within the Elements of Harmony.
He talks about how instead of grieving his fading memories, he smiles and laughs because thats what he thinks the people he has forgotten would want him to do thus fitting in with the Element of Laughter.
He was vengeful at one point but he learned the folly of his ways and has thus abandoned his hatred and vengeful past and strives to be a good person. He even forgave Gwyn who by all rights should be unforgivable by any sane person. He even goes out of his way to help others and be as benevolent as he possibly can within the context of his world and he does this despite all the tragedies he witnessed as those he saved often went hollow or suffered fates worse than death. And he does it without expecting anything in return. Thus he echoes the Elements of Kindness and Generosity.
The only lie he told was that the Windigos were why he wanted Celestia and Luna to keep their eyes shut and that lie was to protect them from seeing the frozen corpses of their parents and village. A lie which he admitted to once it was all over and they were in a better location. So he also tries to be as honest as he can be.
He would fight and would gladly die a million deaths for any of his friends if need be so he's loyal as well.
He's also a sorcerer so magic is pretty much his entire thing but that was true even before I considered making this a My Little Pony story.
So you can see how Celestia and Luna will eventually take away different lessons from him and will one day become their canon selves.
So while this might be pretty obvious, making the character fit into the context of what I'm writing is what I try to focus on when I'm making an original character that has a protagonist role.
I don't really have much more advice than that. Sorry. I've just been writing fanfictions and specifically crossovers since I was in middle school. I haven't taken any writing courses so I don't actually know what I'm doing or what I'm talking about. I'm no where near a professional, I just write as a hobby. So take my advice with a grain of salt.
Damn man, how could you? You hit me right here in the feels!
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Thanks for the information, just by showing the thought process you had behind the character was extremely helpful. I'm very grateful.
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Ah.. I suppose he never found use for that pendant
You have my attention.
I feel like there was a lot exposition that wasn't necessary in this point in the story, let alone needs to be told to two fillies.
Like, They don't have context for a lot of names, and they don't need to know all the details on the undead curse. He's old enough to know not to trauma dump on kids
Normally, we would learn about a character over a course of events, but you've presented the entirety of the drama and reactions to such in nearly the first few talks. And there isn't any comedy to blunt it, as I expected him to do something to lighten the mood, as the situation is grim, and he simply distracted them from their tragedy by expounding upon his own.
I don't believe you needed to go into that much detail regarding the creation of the house.
Tl;DR: be more concise
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Yeah, that's fair. I have a bad habit of dumping too much info. Sorry about that! I might try and go back and rewrite his dialogue to try and have him do as you suggested and attempt to lighten the mood rather than explaining his issues. If I can figure something out, I'll update the chapter before posting the next one.
11870301
Cool!
Only other problem I have is using a Divine Blessing at this point. Like, there are a lot of options before using a Divine Blessing, a consumable that you can't get all that many of, there being the vareity of healing miracles in dark souls one, and non-undead only healing items in the future games if you're taking into account those. However, in all games except 2 via bonfire ascetic, Divine Blessings are limited in number, with only a handful generally obtainable per playthrough. 7 being obtainable in Dark Souls One without a starting gift(3) or trading a ring of sun princess with snuggly(2), 6 being obtainable in Two without using a bonfire ascetic in the giant's memories, and 10 being obtainable in Three without using a starting gift.
So, assuming only Dark Souls One, and that the starting gift was the pendant, he could have at most 9, and their the best healing item in the game, the sort of thing that should be held in reserve for when there is a sickness or illness that no magic can address. Like, if someone contracted the Scarlet Rot from Elden Ring and they've already tried every healing miracle (and pyromancy including 3) to no avail, then using a Divine Blessing is justified.
But not as a just in case insurance for problems he's not even sure they have, not unless Alric has learned how to make Divine Blessings himself, which have only been made by Goddess's of Bounty and Fertility based on the item descriptions across the games.
Tl;Dr: It's hella wasteful to use a Divine Blessing at this point in time
Sorry for the rant, I saw that you weren't discouraged so I felt that I could bring it up without it bothering you
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No need to apologize, I genuinely try to accept fair criticism. In my other story, Queen Weaver, I've rewritten several chapters in response to criticism I've received. One I even rewrote multiple times. So please, feel free to tell me what I might be doing wrong. I vastly prefer it to someone just leaving a dislike and leaving me with no idea why. At least this way I can fix it.
I realize divine blessings are rare and I had him use it intentionally. He knows all sorts of healing miracles and even Warmth, the healing pyromancy from Dark Souls 2. Using the divine blessing was supposed to be a display of generosity on his part. An act of charity that, from a narrative perspective, was meant to show how he aligns with the Element of Generosity. But if it's too wasteful I suppose I can go back and remove that part.
And no he can't make more divine blessings. That was solely the domain of Gwynevere. So unless he has her soul to use her power he can't do it. To be fair, early in his unlife he did travel the world and genocide the gods after learning the truth about the Curse as an attempt at revenge against Gwyn so it's possible he has Gwynevere's soul but not guaranteed. It's just as possible he might have come to his realization about hate and revenge before he got to her. So yeah I can definitely see your point about it maybe being too wasteful.
Also, great timing! I just finished rewriting the portion of the chapter where Alric talks about his life. Hopefully this version's a bit better.
Is John Darksoul gonna make a famous appearance in the story at some point?
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Ah, John Dark Soul... So easily forgotten...
Somehow wouldn't be surprised if he become the creator of crystal ponies
Great chapter :D
Very nice.
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I was going to post something similar to this but you beat me to it lol
excellent so far
sure hope Queen Weaver's still going tho
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Yeah I'm still working on Queen Weaver. Sorry about the long update time this time. I wanted to post at least a few chapters for this. And finding a way for Twilight and Rainbow Dash to come to Griffonstone with Taylor is a bit of a challenge. I might end up just having to have Taylor leave a note telling them she went to Griffonstone and to take care of her spiders while she's gone, and having Twilight and Rainbow follow her anyway. Regardless I'll try to post the next chapter of that as soon as I can.
I’ve read all three of your stories and I can’t wait to see where they all go
This is pretty good so far. I doubt this story will have much "trial by combat" plot progression, what with him being max level. I think it might be a bit difficult to not make him into some kind of Gary Stu, depending on what the story conflict you end up doing is.
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There might be a little violence but that's not going to be a primary focus of this story. Below is some major spoilers. You've been warned.
Edit: Spoiler deleted.
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Don't spoil it, I was just saying that you've got to be careful with a character that can't really grow much more martially in an adventure story. I trust you with your own friggin story, I just thought it's nice to hear some cautionary words once in awhile
11874889
Ah, okay. I apologize. I've deleted the spoiler. Thank you for the words of warning I do appreciate it! Admittedly I have had problems with writing Gary Stu characters in the past and it has killed some of my stories. So you're right, getting a reminder/warning is a good thing some times.
I was just trying to clarify that in this particular case his power is kind of irrelevant to the narrative I'm going for and I suppose I went a little overboard with the spoiler thing. His power is mainly just a plot device for a story focusing more on character interaction and emotion rather than violence. I'm writing a tragedy/slice of life. There might be some violence which is why I tagged it as a warning but it isn't going to be a major point of focus.
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Ok, nice. Slice of life with what is essentially medieval One Punch Man sounds pretty cool. Looking forward to it
Speaking of OPM, Maybe I should watch season 2 one of these days
have you seen it? Is it any good? I hear the animation got worse
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I haven't seen it, but I've been meaning to. No clue about the animation.
Spent a lot time staring at this trying to get my feelings down on the problem, I don't think this gets it completely, but I dont' want to turn this into a rant over a nitpick, and if I spend any more time on it I'll never post it .
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It still comes across as wasteful. Perhaps not for the normal reasons, though. Everytime a Divine Blessing comes up, it's irreplaceable, thus it's almost never used, or used in ignorance.
Given that, the fact he's still has them, thousands of years later, must mean he has the same attitude.
It's the fact that it's only a sentence or two tacked on at the tail end of a paragraph that's all of his consideration towards using it that makes me think it's wasteful. He didn't think about it when he had ample time to consider, weigh, and try other solutions, for a considerably minor problem given his displayed capabilities. And despite the irreplaceability, it's presented as a footnote.
It sort of seems...out of character. If he shows that amount of consideration towards using it, he wouldn't have them thousands of years later.
There is something to be said about giving something irreplaceble in regards to generosity, but such acts should have meaning, and this one doesn't.
It didn't add anything to the story, the story would be the same without it.
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Fair enough. I deleted the mention of him using the divine blessing.