Records of a Young Woman's Love Life

by Optimal Robotics

Chapter 6: Who Is Changeling Queen Degurechaff?

I go over the transcribed letter in front of me again.

To Princess Mi Amore Cadenza

I am the new leader of the changelings: Queen Degurechaff. I have been living in Equestria for quite some time now. I am afraid I will have to temporarily rescind my application to serve as an Alicorn. I recently killed Queen Crysalis and adopted all of her descendants. I am currently in the process of educating them how to be something other than a band of ravenous marauders.

To that end I am offering you our formal surrender. I know my presence at the wedding probably muddied the waters, but you have my word I was only there for the ambient love. Weddings are wonderful events to witness. To this end I have enclosed 10% of all the love I have collected while residing in your country, along with a special gift I am sure any woman in your position would appreciate. I sadly cannot offer you any love tax from the children. They have been kept on a starving diet all their lives and I know better than to try and squeeze blood out of a stone.

Please give your response to the changeling delivering your gift. In the case of his wandering off I apologize and will make other arrangements. They are all surprisingly skittish for a people that aspired to conquer a nation.

I put it down and look to the other item on the table. No, not the severed head. We buried Chrysalis once we made sure she wasn't faking it. The bauble in question is a diamond with an impossible amount of love magic infused into it. And I do mean an impossible amount. Diamonds may be the best crystal for storing love magic, but by all reasonable metrics this one should have exploded, or more realistically for love, just stopped storing it after a certain point. Even looking at it makes my head hurt. Whatever enchanting method she used here is a minor cognitohazard.

"How did she do it?"

"How impressive is this Cadance?" I look over to Princess Luna. All three of us plus my husband are in a meeting regarding what to do about the new changeling queen.

"Very. If this energy were in any other form than love it would be enough to destroy the castle. At a rough estimate this is the amount of love a typical pony could output over the course of a hundred years. If she was telling the truth about her tribute, and feeding continuously she could have been in Equestria for almost our entire history."

"Troubling." Says Princess Celestia. "We never found out where the changelings came from. They just appeared one day and started ravaging cities. We couldn't use the elements of Harmony on them because we didn't know who they were. We didn't have anypony on our side that had your talent Shining Armor, and the day ended in tragedy. We were forced to abandon our then capitol and seal it away with the changelings still inside." My blood chills at the thought. An entire city gone to changelings, just like that. "It was fortunate Queen Chrysalis returned weaker, more foolhardy, and with a less numerous army. I know not what she was trying to accomplish with the marriage to Shining Armor, but it doubtlessly would have been bad for all of us."

The door slams open.

"I found it guys!" Yells out Twilight Sparkle. "It was in a drawer in the room Chrysalis was waiting for the ceremony to begin." She gives it over to Celestia. It takes a few minutes for her to skim. She's almost at the end before her frown disappears and she starts giggling in a thoroughly undignified manner.

"What's so funny sister?" She plants her face into the table and shoves it over to Luna

"Snrkt!!" As she holds back her laughter.

"What is it?" I ask.

"She thinks all Alicorns are just Changeling Queens in disguise. It's probably why she didn't think it would be an insult to offer up herself to impersonate an Alicorn." One of the royal guards just outside turns his head at that. Right before Twilight Sparkle shuts the door again.

"What? That's... Well I guess it's why she paid tribute in love, but why does she think I'm the strongest while you're right here Celestia?"

"Because she thinks we're changelings. We could just switch up our public personas when a new one was found. In fact she even mentions not wanting to participate in that, just wanting to be a finance minister of some kind. She probably thinks I switched to you because love is the source of all changeling power. Nopony but the strongest would be allowed that title."

"This would also mean you would need to be our ambassador." Pipes in Luna.

"What? No! No no no! She sent me a severed head in the mail thinking I would enjoy it. I refuse to be in the same room as that psychopath. Surely we have better options than me."

"Not really no." Luna shakes her head. "Many times when we were setting up Equestria's borders we needed to entreat with foreign nations. Many times we had to send either myself or my sister depending on who would be more respected at the negotiating table. This was often unpleasant for us, but it was the least we could do to keep our little ponies safe."

"It needs to be an Alicorn as well Cadance." Interjects Celestia. "That way she will believe she is speaking to a fellow changeling and feel safe enough to speak candidly."

"You want me to perpetuate this farce?!" Celestia raises her eyebrows at me.

"Would you rather she see you as a convenient unlimited food source?"

"Celestia I have concerns about this plan."

"Yes! Thank you Twilight. It's good to have somepony see sense here. Shining Armor tell them what a security nightmare this would be."

"I don't see a problem with it my love." I glare at him. He continues on. "Together we beat them at our lowest point as their prisoners. With us fresh and prepared, they won't stand a chance if they try anything."

"Won't they get angry when they find out we've been lying to them?" Asks Twilight.

"Lying to them?" Asks Celestia. "They've been living in Equestria for centuries. She surely knows the story of how me and Luna became Alicorns. She came up with this idiot conspiracy despite that, and I don't see the value of wasting my breath trying to convince her otherwise. Twilight!" She does a little salute. "I need you to pull the records for Master Artificer Subtle Polish, Archmage Small Biguns, and Archmage Shimmering Heart from the royal college."

"Why are you having her look up Shimmering Heart?" I ask.

"Because these are the identities she is citing as giving her the experience necessary for Alicornhood." Twilight gallops off to retrieve the documents.

"...Give that over here, I want to see this for myself." As I'm reading through it Luna speaks up.

"There is another danger that the severed head could represent. We could be looking at an ill-advised attempt to woo your heart."

I stare at her disbelievingly.

"It could be." She defends. "In the early days we had to deal with many similar attempts from various Griffon and Primate tribes. It wasn't until certain advances in communication magic came about that we were able to completely stop it."

This, of course, started an argument that lasted until Twilight got back. Me and Shining Armor desperately arguing against it while Celestia and Luna maddeningly mixed facts and anecdotal evidence up in response.

To sum up the information we got from Twilight, Small Biguns was a shape shifting specialist. Her cutie mark was just straight up changeling flame. Accomplishments include transforming into a dragon and writing a treatise on juvenile Dragon behavior. After that was Subtle Polish. An earth pony identity made to test city pony racism according to Degurechaff. Cutie mark of a knife. Attempted to certify as a combat specialist Archmage. From what we were able to tell she technically qualified on merit, but was denied anyways for unspecified reasons. This actually made Celestia visibly angry. Later went down the artificing series of classes and qualifications. Twilight actually found a couple enchanting techniques claimed by Degurechaff that later unicorns took credit for. Probably more that were buried if the diamond in front of us is anything to go by. Lastly was Shimmering Heart. This one I know the most about. Codified a few scores of love spells. Showed decent combat aptitude. Pushed for every school in Equestria to have a mandatory love magic primer. Celestia remembered a particular habit she had while tenured when she visited at the time. She professed to be looking for a wife and encouraged all the young mares to fire off her love beam spell at her to impress. When they inevitably didn't make the cut, she played matchmaker to minimize hurt feelings. Clever girl.

In the end I decided to put my big girl horseshoes on and agreed to meet with the new queen. Shining Armor is right. With him by my side I have nothing to fear from the changelings.

Time to practice my confidence in a mirror.

Changeling Beeswax.

I nervously look to the changeling in front of me. I didn't have much warning before she dragged me off to the side. Alleyway muggings like this never end well for ponies, to say nothing of changelings.

"Tell me about our new queen."

"Huh? You don't want my love?"

"Not today cutie." She winks.

"Oh. Hey what's your name?"

"Nunya."

"...Well then." She rolls her eyes.

"Infiltrator Nunya. Our queen. Talk. You were with her when she came to the hive. You have to know something."

"Well..."

Changeling Beeswax: Walking towards the hive with Queen Degurechaff.

"...I wasn't all that surprised when she shape shifted her head. You see most living things can survive a minute or two as a severed head. Most people just can't really do anything about it as their blood leaves their brain and their vision fades to black as the their brains die. I was more surprised she could fight through the fear to do anything."

"..."

"Oh sweet Harmony I got some of her in my hair. Eugh! Reminds me of the time I accidentally eviscerated an enemy mage above me. I was scrubbing the stench of his rotten guts out of my hair for a week."

Changeling Beeswax: Now

"...she's scary. Unbelievably so. But weirdly nice? I accidently gave her bad news to her first question and she didn't hit me or anything!"

"Hmm, that matches what we know. We have an operative that specializes in killing intent. She's personally killed more than twice the amount of people Chrysalis has, but without any fear of death. We all know what she plans for the hive, her truth spell speaks for itself. Is there anything at all that we should be aware of?" I think about it.

"She thinks all Alicorns are other Changeling Queens."

"...Is that it?"

"Well I haven't spent that much time around her. And everything I heard about her from other lings is just weird money talk."

"Then we'll just keep any information that conflicts with that away from her." I narrow my eyes at her.

"Is this wise?" My rebuttal draws a hiss out of her.

"Listen you little grunt, I heard what she wants for the hive just as well as everyling here. And I want that. I want it more than words can describe. There is nothing I wouldn't do to secure that future for us."

"But-"

"And you weren't the one responsible for preparing Chrysalis for infiltration. She was a nightmare, didn't listen to a Harmony damned thing we said when it came to what she was doing wrong. It wasted so much time. Time that would've been so much better spent anywhere else. I will not go through that again with this one do you hear!! Spread the word!"

Well okay then.

Author's Note:

Chrysalis set a low bar.

Comments

[CommonDash]

Any chance on a second update today? I know that super hypocritical coming from me but I can hope.

[Ghosthunter]

I she returns to her wife to talk and find acceptance
Also finds out that alicorns are not changelings eventually

[FTR2017]

Chrysalis didn't just set a low bar, she buried it in a well!

Gotta love the casual attitude to horrid events that traumatizes everyone she listens to, and good on Celly to be at least enraged that the changeling infiltrator proved her thesis right that her wee ponies were racist little shits.

Also, being Cadance is suffering in this world--and I for one look forward to her gaining an addiction to salt in order to deal with Tanya's ... everything!

[nightmaster0]

I love Youjo Senki crossover fics mostly read them on archiveofourown or spacebattles but this..THIS is some brilliant stuff and i'm loving every single last bit of it~

Also considering her viewpoint and logic a conspiracy of the alicorns being secret changelings making sure the tribes keep getting along while they feed off of love isn't to far fetched.

Tanya to Cadence, "without the guidance of the "alicorns" to keep them in line the three tribes would likely be back to warring and slaving each other within a century and THATS being generous."

[A Lisa]

Well that was idiotic, off to hug myself.

[Ralanost]

Really good chapter. I'm looking forward to Tanya meeting off with the "other changeling queens". It is hilarious how both side want to perpetuate that misunderstanding. She thinks alicorns are changeling queens? Let's roll with it. Tanya WILL eventually find out. But by that point, will that change anything? I doubt it. As war minded and ruthless as Tanya is, she always dreamed of peace. It's what she desires more than anything else. It was Being X that always tossed conflict her way. The chaos entity that brought Tanya to Equestria seems to have no such desire. I wonder what the narrative will be going forward.

[PlazaCharacter]

Very nice. I like stories where the Changeling Queen is competent at their job, so this one is sure to be fun!

[Biglulu]

IF Cadence respects Shimmering Heart, I wonder if that respect will transfer to Tanya now.

[Heretics Everywhere]

Very interesting and enjoyable and it updates often to bout.

[Little_Vee]

NEW CHAPTER LETS GOOOOOOO

[Baroque]

Let's see how long Cadance can keep up the façade

[kklusmeier]

11864277
I think Discord is going to be like 'HMM! That sounds like a simply TREMENDOUS idea!' and promptly give all of the alicorns a species-change.

When he inevitably gets out that is.

[EggBaguette]

nice chap

[Morphile]

11864589
Or prompt the Tree to spit out a new, probably actually juvenile, Queen.

[Flashbunny]

This is a fun premise that works surprisingly well! Thanks for writing it!

"idiot conspiracy" was perhaps a little harsh, though.

[Kind of Brony]

Not the best written on a technical standpoint, but it's a pretty solid premise. Keep it up.

[The spooks]

With Chrysalis as a predecessor, the bar is in hell.

[MurderP0n7]

a short fic, but I like it quite, the points it situates are quite good

[Jest]

Moves a bit too fast at points, and lacks a bit of description sometimes but overall very good. Nice work.

[Umbrella_merc]

11864589

I'm imagining discord doing that right as Tanya was starting to think maybe the other Alison's aren't changeling queens thus "proving" to her that they are.

Half expecting impossible love diamond to become something comparable to a 2nd crystal heart

[LightningDashes]

ooh excellent idea and execution, I'm looking forward to it continueing.
tough i sometimes have a tough time discerning who's perspective we are reading in, over the chapters up so far.

[nighters]

Tanya despite the workload and the new kids to feed peace is so hard sometimes that she wants to nuzzle and cuddle soon!
yearly the wifey where she at?! Is she ok is she going to go to Celestia???

[Aadarm]

Honestly not a fan of everyone keeping the Alicorns are Changeling Queens thing going on.

[Red_Snuffy]

11869317
Agreed. Tanya has always been smart and perceptive, excluding the misunderstanding field that she has. Combine that with centuries of life experience and the ability to sense emotion, she would probably figure out pretty quickly what they were trying to pull on her.
It’s the aftermath of Tanya realizing that things get hard to guess.

[zakan]

It is really hard to get lower than chrysalis when talking about pragmatism and efficiency, I fully understand Tanya's opinion.

[Little_Vee]

Just reread this story... no new chapter...
sad
(- ‸ -*)

[Red_Snuffy]

I am assuming that the author is dealing with real life issues right now as for why they have not updated. If not then it looks like another fic is on the all too common track to “The abandoned”

[Aleck_Ultimate]

First time that I see Tanya here!

This is so EPIC!

Just reading it I hear the opening!

Hop that the following will have the same quality that the beginning.

[Sorven9]

Love this story can't wait for the next chapter.