• Member Since 3rd May, 2019
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Jhoira


Time to write some fanfiction! Yay! If you have any thoughts comment! I find reading them fun!

T
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Twilight finds her way into the changeling hive. She has lost everything, her country, her family, her friends. But she has one, final act of defiance for Queen Chrysalis before the end.


An entry in Imposing Sovereigns IV, using the prompt Princess Twilight/Loyalty.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 17 )

Oh, now Twilight's done it. Chrysalis will skip the monologing and just kill her the next time they meet.

Did she just run away or give up?

11719736
Hey! You can't have a villain without the self-promoting monologue thing, ya know! It's kinda written in stone.

11719876
Well then what did she do? (Yes, I did read the story. I still don’t get it.)

11719904
She showed the changelings where Chrisalis' priorities are.

11719927
Indeed! (And decided not to commit a minor genocide.)

11719899
Considering Twilight just exposed her for the self-serving bitch she is, Chrysalis might just skip it anyway in her fury if the hive kicks her out.

Ultimately a very tough choice to keep in war, very nuanced and hopeful at the same time. Definitely worth exploring in something longer and more detailed, but it was nice to have the tug of war in between what Twilight had lost and what she was about to take.
Thanks for writing this Jhoira

I can understand rating Teen out of an abundance of caution or for a more mature audience, but warning of Violence and Death in a fic with neither actually happening seems to me to be a little dishonest.

11720057
I dunno, I'd say that the threat to blow up a hatchery would fall under violence. And the wiping out of Equestria would be a lot of death.

11720060
To my understanding, warning tags are specifically for things that go beyond what the show does, and the show had all sorts of threats and even timelines where Equestria was at war or wholly destroyed shown. It's a good point on the detail Twilight goes into for what she would do to the hatchery, as it's beyond the show and akin to if she really did it, but I really think the "Death" warning just for merely taking place in an Equestria where ponies died, without any detail on what happened, well within the show's TV-Y, is excessive.

To be honest, the ending feels empty, which is a pity because you had me going there in the beginning. The ending was unclear and too ambiguous to a point where I almost have to ask "What was the point of all that?"
I get that she decided to spare the eggs but what was with that reaction at the end? I get it, Chrysalis shielded herself but not the eggs, but what does that prove? No one would blame her for self preservation considering there is little else anyone can do when a potential bomb is to be detonated. The only message that came across to the changelings who were watching was that a pony was about to blow all the young-lings and lost her nerve to go through with it when Chrysalis showed up.

Perhaps change it a little bit, such as an exchange of words or Chrysalis firing magic at her which did more harm to the eggs than what Twilight could have done? Something other than a half-baked ending that isn't clear.

A clever ending, though the overall execution was a bit confused at times. (Why "outright larva," especially when there were more mature pupae in the room? Did seeing a maturation station that could move emphasize how Twilight was killing innocent children more than the various pods?) Also, some Twilight's friends really didn't sound like themselves, but that can be pinned on them being memories bordering on dissociative splinter personalities.

But again, Twilight does find a clever alternative in the end... though it's not clear how much impact it will have given the massive power disparity between Chrysalis and her subjects. Though the queen being forced to wipe out her own hive is its own form of karma. Not that it will bring back Equestria.

I'm really not sure how to feel about this one. An interesting exploration of Twilight's darkest hour, but the surrounding details make it feel hollow... and there's the question of whether it was meant to. Still, thank you for it and best of luck in the judging.

11766837
I do believe I promised you "another "good ideas sloppy execution" entry!" :D

This was really good! I definitely want more of this.

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