- Member Since 1st Nov, 2016
- offline last seen 49 minutes ago
WhispersInTheDark
"Cathredral bells struck by lightning, and in the clamour, hear their name." — Aragon
WhispersInTheDark
Joined 1st Nov, 2016 ·
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For a second there I thought the store is going to be where she end up pregnant from the one night stand
This is pretty good so far, only a few tiny nitpicks I have are the fact that a child is a prostitute and the lack of descriptions there are. I don't have a clue what the buildings look like, or the characters, or Slick, or anything. Furthermore, it makes me kinda icky hearing a child talk about sex and being a whore the way she is.
I don't know if your intention is leaving the readers to use their imagination when it comes to appearances, if that is the case, you did it well.
I don't read perverse sex fics on this site, but the first one caught my eye, so maybe fillies being prostitutes is a normal thing on this part of Fimfiction.
Again, no offense to you! You did a good job and your writing is good for the most part, the little kid being a sex worker bit just rubs me the wrong way.
Keep it up, though. I'll stay tuned.
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That "icky" feeling you're getting when you read Terri's dialogue? That's intentional.
I see by your profile you're new to this website. As I'm sure you've discovered by now, stories that feature..."questionable" behavior with underage characters are very prominent here, and they fall mostly into two categories: "foalcon," tales written for titillation, or those stories that focus on the abuse angle. This tale is one of the latter.
The theme of this story is one of desperation and struggle, showing how low one mare has to go in order to bring herself back up to a place of relative security. I don't know how familiar you are with My Little Pony characters or their backgrounds, but one of the reasons there are so many stories of them, even those considered background ponies, is because each one has either been given a rich history by the official writing staff or by we the fans. Trixie Lulumoon, The Great and Powerful Trixie, is one of them.
This is why I haven't given descriptions, which may have been a mistake on my part. The city in which this story takes place is nondescript, and simply serves as a background...it could be any urban setting. I have been so focused on telling Trixie's story I might have left out details I probably shouldn't have, although I did describe Slick's appearance. I don't know how you missed it.
In any case, thank you for commenting and for reading. I hope my story hasn't revolted you too much, but quite honestly, it isn't meant to be a nice read.
11632826
Also, I forgot to mention, I LOVE your profile pic! Negan is one of those villains you love to hate, although I stopped watching TWD regularly after they killed Glenn. He was the heart of the show for me, and even though I still love Darryl, Rick, and Michonne, Glenn's death just really, REALLY devastated me, so I stopped watching for the longest time.
Man, from just the first two chapters alone, I can already tell this story is going to be really hard to get through. Come on, Trixie, just get a job flipping hayburgers or something, anything would be better than this.
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Thank you! Honestly, who could hate Negan. Abraham's honestly my favorite out of the two he Lucille'd and was pretty pissed when he died, but his redemption arc after he was defeated was one of the best I've ever seen. I remember when everyone wanted his head after season 7 lol
Wow.
I was expecting them to just beat the shit out of him, this was worse than that. I hope Slick gets his shit kicked in sometime soon, turned into stone or something.
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Beating the stallions up in front of their families would have been an act of mercy...and as I said, this isn't a nice story.
Okay: so if her wagon is there, that means Slick knows who she really is, and so he's got a double hold on her. "Keep working for me, or I'll let people know who you are and what you've been doing..." besides the usual threats I'm sure an asshole like him usually employs.
This an extremely dark tale, and it's not helped by the fact you're using a child prostitute. I'm not squeamish in any way, as I know this sort of thing goes on in the world on the daily, but it's still unsettling to read.
You were right to fear the world. It has gone mad. The gutters brim with poets, and decency lies burning in the street. But this is not a time for heroes. Look instead to those battered souls who have known fear and failure in ample portion, but rise again to reclaim a glimmer of hope from the spreading stain of the Darkest Dungeon.
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That...that is awesome! I wasn't even thinking about that quote when I came up with the chapter title, but it is sooo appropriate!
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happy to help, It honestly just clicked my mind
Yeah, I think that's going to have to be it for me with this story. I was giving it a shot for the dark tone it was setting up and was under the impression that the sex stuff wouldn't be too detailed, but I'm afraid it's getting too graphic for my tastes.
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Sorry to hear that.
The increased details are not just for gratification...it's to show the characters' descent by pulling the door open a bit wider and wider...giving more and more details and setting up for the ending.
Even so, I understand your concerns. Thank you for reading thus far.