Having been actively ruling Equestria for hundreds of years, Twilight finds herself in one of those moments where emotions spontaneously drift across her mind. She wanders around Canterlot Castle in the middle of the night with no real destination or purpose. Walking just to walk. Thinking just to think. It is only after tens of minutes of being weaved in a spider web of pent up emotions, that Twilight finds a sorrowful comfort written in the simplest of words. What could they be and mean to a pony who has seen so much in her life?
(Note: The formatting of the story is much too altered on mobile. To get the full intended effect and best experience, please consider reading on PC!)
My submission for Thousand Word Contest II under the Experimental category.
Cover Art made by me ^^
Lines like these really put Twilight's longevity into perspective. Well done.
This bit here makes a beautiful metaphor of Twilight's long life as a massive library, with the books being memories, and how the ones where she met her first friends and all up until her taking the throne will always shine the brightest to her, and she may always look back on those years for guidance, comfort, and solace. Very amazing job!
Also nine, I see what you did there
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Ohhhh, that's what that was!
Emotional, powerful, soulful. Without both poems it wouldn't be the same: they really add to the story, making it beyond great!
I, myself, hope that Twilight founds more friendships in future and will never experience such loneliness in her life... but, of course, the memories of her old friends would hurt. A poor pony she is :<
What? I'm not tearing up... You are!
It's nice to see an experimental approach work out interestingly well in this regard, as a first entry.
Though many new volumes have been written, you cannot help but cherish those from where you began. No matter how ever closer to time immemorial they grow to as far as the rest of the world is concerned.
Dang... that landed pretty well. The only input of any perspective that wasn't truly Twilight's, in the entire story. Just two short sentences, on a piece of paper.
Twilight being wrapped up in her own mind could be a fault of hers to begin with, even without the hands of time wringing her neck. It's why her having a support group with at least some level of consistency is perhaps more necessary than simply optimal; to be truly cursed is to be well and thoroughly alone, and to forever have the knowledge of that fact etched into your mind, as long as you live.
A bit heavy on the purple prose, but it's impressive how much emotional impact you were able to jam into 1,000 words. Well done!
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And quite right, I wouldn't write a whole novel like this lol. In this case however, I think it highlights the simplicity of Starlight's words even more; as well as showcasing how much of a "maze" one can get into thought. ^^
Thank you!!!
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I love this!!
Yes exactly that! I can see where a constant in her life would be one of the most invaluable things to her.
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Yeah ^_^ There's many references throughout the poems, like to Luna in the first one. At least in my interpretation <3
yeah Celestia’s horseshoes are big ones to fill, and not just because she was a big horse
ooh loved the effect of this one, like a root reaching down
aww, love the one who holds eternity in a single feather
the prose is so very fitting to the regality of it all. it feels like what Canterlot Castle should feel! haunting and heavy with import
augh, even an immortal horse ruler opens the door adorably like any other pony
so true
ooh, love the meta. and yes, those nine volumes are trodden through over and over again in our minds, but they are, in-universe, just nine out of thousands. really makes one think
augh, the fresh ink! how much love for and knowledge of Twilight that Starlight must have to leave this note in the place where Twilight would need it most. though Twilight just sees a reminder of having taken Starlight with her
this was wonderfully ambitious, and i loved how the ornate prose built the atmosphere for it. i really do hope you keep writing, and it brings me great joy that this contest was the occasion for your first fimfic. thank you so much!
I see where you were going with this, and you employed some very impressive formatting tricks in the poetry, but this was not a time to indulge in purple prose to this degree. Especially not when there are times when the description gets so overwrought, it undercuts the mood or threatens to completely obscure what’s even happening. “Silky lips” and “sapphire eyes” are not appropriate for a story about the kind of remorse that keeps a princess up at night. That goes double for anything licking cheeks.
In all, this was a noble first attempt, but you don’t have to try to wow the judges with sheer blunt-force eloquence. A great story told simply is much better than an overwrought snippet where it takes more than ten percent of your word count for Twilight to walk down a hallway.
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I appreciate this so very dearly <'3 and yes I am actually planning on writing more too! ^^ The poetry was by far my fave part. Thank you so much for hosting the competition and all that you do for the fimfiction community ^_^
So was that really Starlight in the Flesh? Or her ghost? Kinda lost on whether or not Starlight's still alive or not.