- Member Since 9th Jan, 2016
- offline last seen 24 minutes ago
Dark Tail
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Dark Tail
Joined 9th Jan, 2016 ·
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great work on story
I suggest you employ a proofreader. The number of misspellings, punctuation errors and grammatical mistakes is far too many to list.
That aside: I enjoyed the concept.
11612337
Used to have one but he hasn't been on the site in over a year. I try to proof read over these best I can but I will start looking again.
The one advice I would like to give you is have more imperfections
The son is a stud
They are all alone
Mom is hot
Beds perfect
Water is warm... At night
Etc
Button may thinks it's warm cause she's swimming and jumps, which can make for a fun moment of her laughing and him whining until he adjusts and may or may not does or says something after...
Who didn't go to a swim pool and made that mistake?! I sure did! Once adjusted water is fine but your body needs a moment.
Mom might be wise enough and took it slow. Rubbing herself with water and use a ladder for a more gentle approach :)
It shows a gap in experience too without spelling it out !
I hope i explained that well enough
Nothing wrong with hiccups. They are spice of life
Ps. This can apply to sex too.
Not slapstick ofc... just a few oddities or quirks
That's how that is. You feel a bit silly but know it's alright..
Button seems made for quirks
😉
Feels to me it would make things more relatable and more vibrant to read.
11612759
Thanks, appreciate the advice. I'll try that out next story.