Gonna level with you dude I don't think this idea is strong enough on its own to support 12,000 words of purple prose.

This is your official review for the Furry Foray Festival Contest!

I've tried to be as objective as possible, but of course there are limits. I've tried to avoid being biased or arbitrary as much as I can, and hopefully I've succeeded at least somewhat. The full, final results will be announced on May 4th, and winners will be contacted shortly afterward to ask how they would like to accept their prizes. When readings these comments, please keep in mind that I know I'm often overly critical -- to the point where I can always find nitpicks even with the greatest works of literature. So don't take anything personally!

Notes:
- Often was it not he woke with a case of morning wood Really difficult to parse and seems to be missing a word or something.
- A really unique and interesting take on Luna.
- her and her sister-wife Not sure who 'her' refers to here.
- voracity veracity
- Celestia lying prone She's actually supine, judging from the rest of the description.
- "What the fuck?!" Great first line from Loona!
- Kind of bizarre that Loona is thinking of her own tits so much during a gunfight...
- A very raunchy one indeed. All this hyper endowment isn't usually my thing (especially on a character who isn't like that in canon), but I can't deny that you've done it well in this story.
- Excellent job of building to a huge climax and justifying the huge climax.
- The ending could have maybe used a bit more work, but Loona's warning about Blitzo was a really nice touch to end it with ... even if that ended up being a very common theme for Loona fics in this contest.

Scores:
Provocativeness: 85
Progression: 82
Payoff: 45
Pacing: 80
Personality: 60
Prose: 51
Total: 403
For more information on what these scores mean, see the scoring rubric.

I'd love to see a sequel to this!

What kind of hyper is this?