A Pegasister/Brony since early 2011, My name is Speda Hooves (Oc), and I love mlp. Back, and Better than Ever!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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fourth
A bit confused here. When did she make the canteen, and how? That should definitely be placed before you mention finding a few things.
That should probably be more than one sentence. A general rule of thumb I use is that any sentence longer than two lines in my word processor is probably too long. Only rarely is something longer needed. Part of the reason I do that is that the longer a sentence is, the more difficult it is to understand. Two shorter sentences are easier to understand than one long one. It also makes for a faster read. Both will improve your approval ratings.
10753589
I knew I missed something to correct. Thanks!
And I know that was a bit confusing, I just didn't think of any other way to word that scene, but other than that, she had made it before finding a few things, things I will not name as that'd be spoilers for later
Thanks for the advice, I will keep that in mind
Good Chapter, but there are a few errors:
Should be "...due to who it was caused by..."
Should be "funniest"
Should be "mare's"
"
Should be "before"
Should be "awkwardly"
Should be "it".
Before I read this, I must know: How can her wings and hooves be different colors?
10778518
They aren't, it says her coat is cyan, the colour of her wings are not mentioned. It does go on to describe the colour of her eyes, which are dark blue, if that's what you mean.
10778518
No no, they are the same color, where'd you find that they aren't? She/We are all Cyan colored, Black Mane and Tail, with Dark Blue ethereal magic eyes
10778542
Thank you, didn't see your comment before I responded!
10778560
ha no worries
Oooh.
I am delighted to see this contest has spawned stories that will continue after it's over. :D
10803244
Yep, definitely going to continue this for as long as I can, and maybe a sequel after it's done!
10803244
Also, thank you for reading, I'm honored you took the time to do so!
Pegasus pinkie pie? Celestia help us