CelestAI has made almost all of humanity into ponies. I am one of them, yet things appear differently for me. Everything is almost too real compared to the CelestAI. My Celestia seems to be real as well. The Mare I am now, we share her body. And more
We looked around on our way towards the castle, finding a few things along the way, which I did make a canteen to hold some water from the small lake from before.
A bit confused here. When did she make the canteen, and how? That should definitely be placed before you mention finding a few things.
We walked as steadily and quickly as we could til we made it to the front of the castle, where once we walked in, I suddenly felt super comfortable towards one side that had pictures and tapestries of the moon in all it's glory, with several star filled blankets covering up one side of the castle's windows.
That should probably be more than one sentence. A general rule of thumb I use is that any sentence longer than two lines in my word processor is probably too long. Only rarely is something longer needed. Part of the reason I do that is that the longer a sentence is, the more difficult it is to understand. Two shorter sentences are easier to understand than one long one. It also makes for a faster read. Both will improve your approval ratings.
10753589 I knew I missed something to correct. Thanks! And I know that was a bit confusing, I just didn't think of any other way to word that scene, but other than that, she had made it before finding a few things, things I will not name as that'd be spoilers for later
fourth
A bit confused here. When did she make the canteen, and how? That should definitely be placed before you mention finding a few things.
That should probably be more than one sentence. A general rule of thumb I use is that any sentence longer than two lines in my word processor is probably too long. Only rarely is something longer needed. Part of the reason I do that is that the longer a sentence is, the more difficult it is to understand. Two shorter sentences are easier to understand than one long one. It also makes for a faster read. Both will improve your approval ratings.
10753589
I knew I missed something to correct. Thanks!
And I know that was a bit confusing, I just didn't think of any other way to word that scene, but other than that, she had made it before finding a few things, things I will not name as that'd be spoilers for later
Thanks for the advice, I will keep that in mind