Con Los Terroristas
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Mmm, prety good
1362922 Haha. Thanks. It was a side project, I wanted to get some practice with a strictly clop story and take a break on my long story for a bit.
The description makes it sound like it's second-person, but it's not.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m64v55rLiV1r7cvo4o1_500.gif
A small thing to nitpick on, but this made me think of a stallion with a human penis for the rest of the scene.
I hope that you were snickering when you wrote that out, 'cause it's really, really cheesy.
1363078 ...... How did it make it sound second person...... NSFW-Clop in perspective of the reader as main character.
It clearly says that the reader is the main character IN HIS OWN perspective..?
1363113 Haha, I will keep that stuff in mind... It should be noted that the Penises are Equine from my perspective as Author. I can try to fix that up a bit to make it more clear that it is not "anthro" at all.
And Yes, Throughout the story I snickered several time writing it. X'D
1363121
Also, you need to realize that the English language is a wonderfully confusing one when it comes to ambiguous syntax; I totally parsed "NSFW-Clop in perspective of the reader as main character." as "NSFW-Clop(...there can be SFW clop?) in perspective(the "position" we are viewing this from) of the reader(you, the reader) as main character(the perspective we are viewing this from is you, the reader, as the main character of the story)."
1363137 You pretty much said exactly what I just did but made it more complex.....
NSFW is a tag. Hyphen clearly separates NSFW and CLOP in the tags if I had said NSFW CLOP then (...there can be SFW clop?) would make sense, "My story is NSFW, The reason is it is Clop." But yes I suppose there could be SFW clop also.... Just madly "suggest" everything without actually using any naughty words.
1363117 1363156
It's pretty simple.
First person perspective refers to the main character as 'I' or 'me' which you did in the main story. It's as if the character is explaining their thoughts and feelings to the reader as it happens.
"I wake up and check the mail to see if my package has arrived."
Second person perspective refers to the main character as 'you' like the description you gave. As if it's the reader themselves are the character and they are being directly told what they are doing.
"You wake up and check the mail to see if your package has arrived."
1363194 Well that hardly even matters anyway... I will just take that whole line out of the Desc lol... Can I get feedback ON THE STORY now, not the Desc...
1363205
Okie dokie.
Overall, it was a nice read. I enjoyed some of the banter between characters. Some weird spacing in between paragraphs and a couple grammatical errors. Also, the pace was a little fast. A few points you could have used more senses such as smell or taste. Parts here and there you could have been more specific and have some more details.
Still, not bad all in all.
1363194 Also, Did not mean to sound like a dick or anything, I should probably say. "Thanks for pointing it out" :p
1363225 Oh thanks. Yeah.. I had some stuff about smells and all but I dunno,It felt weird and I took it out. >.>
will fix the format too sometime just to make it all pretty..
1363230
Yeah, sorry if I rubbed you the wrong way at all as well.
this looks good
1363525 Heh. Thanks. :3
Hot. Thumb up!
1363648 Hah! It is based on a dream I had.
1363672 So you DREAMED about ponies fucking?!
Oh well. Anyway you might wanna change 'noobie' to 'newbie'. I think that's what you mean right? P.S. I CAME.
1364158 Well to be 100% truthful the story was BASED on the dream, In the dream they were anthro lol. I have no shame.
Also "newbie" is the new spelling, it can be either way. I will update it anyway though JUST FOR YOU :P
Imagine if Rainbow Dash accidently walked in on the sight!
1364212 Oh. My! Would it really be an accident though?
She heard those noises!
1363113 stallions hard manhood Fixed to Soarin's hard Stallion-hood
1364249
Amazing what a few small changes can do to affect clop-ability~
1365298 Heh, Yeah Agreed.
Y'all are a great writer, and you rightfully deserve this like, and follow
1365909 Wow! Thank you! Being 100% honest, This made my day!
no problem i'm Italian, and despite popular opinion, i am quite honest.
Epic giant wngboner. SWAG. loved it!!
very nice
1366809 Haha, I am pretty new to the whole "Sensitive wings" thing I guess it has become pretty popular recently So I gave it a try on a suggestion by my friend. :3
And Thank You! I am glad when anyone likes a story I have written!
1364175 Thanks so much dearie~
very good dude, and am I the only one who thought that he was going to say Rainbow Blitz at the end
1371027 Haha! He says what you want him to say!
There are..a lot of stories about the wonderbolts, most involve them cohering Dash into fucking one, or usually multiple of them.
It is great to see a well written story about them.
Now that that analytical shit is out of the way:
Hot. as. FUCK.
1372422 Haha, Thanks! Yeah, This was actually my first try at a story like this <Where you know very little about the main character> It is left up to the reader to determine whoever he is. ^.^
meow
1389985 Indeed.
nice!
1390043 ^.^ Thanks! Had lots of fun writing it. I am glad you liked it!
dude i spent like a hour looking at your picture
and could not tell wtf it was supose to be. then i reilised it was a dective with a bushy mustach.
i mean it is a dective with a bushy mustach right? any ways .....wait what was i gonna say...? dammit
sorry well bye /)*(\
1394121 Rorschach is a Superhero-Detective lol. He wears a mask with ink-blots on it.
1394121 media.comicvine.com/uploads/3/39264/774407-watch_rorschach.jpg
1394558
You are male right? Seems to be the only thing besides a stallion.
1405922 Yeah, I am a guy lol.
1408477
Damn shame
OH
i feel like shuch a dumb ass
well thanks for the clarification seeya
1419075 Lmao. you were pretty close in all honesty
why thank you