Doubts and Anxiety

by Catpaw616

Moving Forward

"Starlight!" Twilight called out for her student while running in the rain. She had called out to her for at least a few minutes, but Starlight never stopped.

"Come back!" Spike begged. But he only did it once. He stopped in his tracks as he sighed in defeat. "Twilight, she's gone."

"We have to find her Spike." Twilight told the dragon in determination.

"Well, obviously what happened back there must've shook her. Maybe she needs to be alone so she can clear her mind." Spike told her.

Twilight lowered her ears. "This is all my fault. I should never have left her alone like that."

Spike put his hoof on her shoulder. "Don't be too hard on yourself. How were we supposed to know they would turn hostile?"

"I don't know. Now she calls herself a monster." Twilight said with guilt. She rubbed one one tear out of her eye before turning to the restaurant. "I'm going to talk to them."

"Are you sure?" Spike tilted his head. "You may talk to them, but they won't change their mind because you say so."

"Maybe not. But as the Princess of Friendship, I'm not going to let this slide." Twilight told him as she entered inside the restaurant. As she entered inside, two ponies, Caramel and Bon Bon, were standing face to face with one another, both looking very angry.

"How could you be so cruel?" Bon Bon said to him in complete disbelief. "'But we all know that is the one thing that you will never be.' Who says that to a pony trying to get over their past?"

"I was just saying—" Caramel was about to speak, but he was interrupted by her.

"I don't want to hear it. I know how much Discord's betrayal has hurt you. Trust me, I felt the same way. But it doesn't mean you can be a big jerk to her!"

"I—" Caramel opened his mouth, but he was silenced again.

"Now she's out there in the rain, all because you couldn't keep your stupid and unfair accusations towards her to yourself." She told him off.

With a deep sigh, she headed towards the door. "I'm going to find her. I've seen her being mistreated by Lily and Savior, and now here. It's about time I have done something about it."

Caramel perked his ears up "What? Out there in the rain? For her?"

Bon Bon opened the door, then turned her head to face Caramel. "Of course I'll do it for her. Because unlike you, I actually feel remorse towards her; and I don't judge her by things that she didn't do."

With that, she exited the place and trotted towards the direction that she had run off to.

"Well, that happened." Spike said, completely stunned.

"Bon Bon, what happened?" Twilight had called out to the earth pony, but she was already gone.

"Well, I guess he can give us answers." Spike said as he pointed at Caramel. The earth pony still kept his head up, but from the look in his gaze, he looked regretful. Why?

"What just happened?" Twilight asked the pony.

"Princess Twilight!" Caramel'es expression went from regretful to shock in a matter of seconds. "I-I-I didn't know you were here."

"What was Bon Bon talking about when she said you were acting cruel?" Twilight demanded. "Was it you that made her run off?"

Everyone now stared at Caramel. When he shuffled his hooves, Twilight turned to the rest of them. "Will anyone tell me what happened?"

All the ponies remained silent. Some gave Twilight nervous looks, and the rest just looked away.

Twilight stomped her hoof in annoyance. "Well, if no one is going to tell me, I might as well—"

"Caramel, you're the one that interrogated her the most." A nearby pony told him. "You tell."

Caramel gulped.

"Did you?" Spike tilted his head.

Caramel rubbed one of his hooves in embarrassment. "Well, I guess I may have been a tad harsh."

"A tad?" A purple pony named Berry Punch objected. "I'm sure it was more than a tad."

"Ok fine!" Caramel glared at her, but he still looked shameful. "I really did hurt her feelings by saying... rather cruel things."

Twilight shook her head in disappointment. "Have you learned nothing about friendship?"

"What exactly did you say?" Spike asked him, hardening his tone a little. "Because it must've been pretty brutal if she ran off crying in the rain, claiming she's a 'monster'."

Caramel sighed. "I'd rather not say." he ducked his head in shame. "I guess I was still mad at Discord and I took it out on her. Bon Bon is right; I should've just kept these things to myself."

He then trotted out of the restaurant. "I need to set this right."

---

After calming herself by the river, she left her spot and headed back to Ponyville. She was still tense about meeting Twilight, but she knew that she couldn't stay in the forest forever.

Starlight exited the forest as she walked. And since she was in plain sight, and not hidden in the gloomy shade, she covered her eyes from the sun. The rain had finally stopped.

As she reached uphill, she sat down and looked for Twilight and Spike. She didn't know where the two went. She would assume that she was still at the restaurant, but she didn't want to run into the ponies that harassed her again. But maybe she has too?

I have to get over not being trusted and being judged, I guess. Starlight thought. She couldn't exactly learn that lesson if she continued to avoid ponies.

"Hello."

Starlight's stomach lurched when she heard the familiar voice of Caramel. The one that made her run into the forest in th first place. The one that made her doubt herself once again.

"What do you want?" Starlight asked in a harsh tone. Even if she did let go of her depression, she still hadn't forgave him for the things that he said to her. "Are you here to berate me more? Well, I'm ready for it."

Caramel twitched his ear. "No. I came here to apologize."

Starlight's gaze softened a bit. He was apologizing?

"I shouldn't have said those things to you. It was a stupid mistake." Caramel told her. "I guess I was blinded by hate, and I guess I got scared that you would betray us, exactly like how Discord did."

"And how exactly is calling me a liar would help me not betray you?" Starlight asked him, her tone not changing. "What makes you think that I wouldn't take your cutie mark right here, right now?"

Caramel sighed. "I know you won't do that. I realize that now." he told her. "And even if you did, I wouldn't even get mad. Heck, I'll say that it's the right thing to do after what I did."

Starlight looked at him. What was this sudden apology? Did Twilight put him up to this? Was he still hating her in his mind? "Why are you doing this? Are you really being genuine?"

"Look, you can either take my apology, or you don't." Caramel said, starting to sound irritated. But he breathed in and out to calm himself.

"But even if you don't, I promise that I won't provoke you, or spread lies about you anymore." Caramel said at last. He nodded his goodbyes, and he trotted down the hill.

What was that about? she asked herself. Sure, the apology was short, but at least she had one less pony to worry about now. Good enough I guess.

Maybe he felt awkward about seeing her again after their last conversation. She can't blame him for that.

Not wanting to sit around any longer, she embarked down the hill. After trotting around town, she still received weird looks from the ponies around her, but it was the last thing she cared about. She just needed to find Twilight.

"Starlight!" She was startled by the sudden sound of Spike's voice. As she turned to the source, she was caught off-guard as Spike jumped on her, and gave her a hug, knocking her down.

"I'm so glad you're ok!" Spike smiled as he hugged her.

Starlight smiled back. "Thank you, Spike."

"There you are!" Starlight watched as Twilight was trotting up to her. "I guess Spike got a little to excited." she told him with a chuckle.

With a sheepish smile, Starlight got off of Starlight. Twilight lended a hoof to Starlight to help her up.

Twilight's eyes were now filled with concern. "Where did you go? I was worried about you."

"I went to try to clear my head." Starlight told the princess. "And... I was lost." she admitted.

Twilight lowered her ears. "Oh, Starlight. I'm sorry about Caramel." she apologized. "And I'm sorry that I left you at the restaurant. I should never have done that."

"It's alright Twilight." she smiled warmly. "After a certain pony had given me helpful advice, I made up my mind: I think I'm ready to retry this lesson."

Twilight looked shocked. "Really? After what just happened?"

"What if you have a breakdown?" Spike asked her with concern.

"Yeah, I'm done being in that phase." Starlight told the two of them with determination. "I've realized that I can't keep running whenever a pony doesn't like me. I have to accept it and move on. Some may forgive me, and some might take some time to forgive me, or others will never forgive my deeds. But either way, I will be ok."

Twilight and Spike looked at each other. Then she turned to her again.

"Are you really sure?" Twilight asked her.

She nodded. "For the first time in my life, I'm finally sure."

After some consideration, Twilight and Spike eventually agreed with her decision. "I'm proud of you for taking this giant step."

Starlight rubbed the back of her neck. "Heh. I'm even surprised myself." she admitted. "But, I'll get over the glares and rumors." she said.

She looked around the street. Ponies were staring at her blankly; some gave her distrustful looks; then she spotted Bon Bon smiling at her, and saw Caramel sheepishly waving as she fell her gaze onto him.

"Hopefully one day, once they will realize that I really have changed, they will accept me at last. Starlight told them. "And if I don't. Then it is what it is."

I'm finally ready.

Comments

[redmar]

At least Caramel had the decency to apologize to Starlight. Though I doubt Discord will care about the consequences his actions had for Starlight unless Fluttershy makes him care.

[starcoder]

"A tad?" A purple pony named Berry Punch objected. "I'm sure it was more than a tad. "

Oh, so Bon Bon isn't the only pony who's on her side :)

Nice way to sum up the story!

[Catpaw616]

11469509
I didn't want to make everyone an asshole besides Bon Bon so I wanted some other pony to come to her defense. Berry Punch was the winner when it came to picking background ponies for that.

Thank you, I enjoyed writing it!

[Eragor14]

And...this story is brought to a close. Honestly, all around I had a lot of fun reading it. I loved seeing Starlight develop as a character so much through the course of this story. It's also nice to see that not everypony in Ponyville is so mean spirited outside of the Mane Six. I can't wait to see how all of this plays out in your next story with Starlight, Catpaw616. Hopefully the next one will finally bring Trixie into the mix in some way (I know you have written Starlight/Trixie stories in the past, as I have seen your library, lol).

Still, one interesting thing to note is that Caramel never did tell Twilight what he said, about how he actually believed that Starlight defeating the bugbear was all made up by Starlight to make herself somehow look better. It does make me wonder what Twilight would have thought if she heard that. Oh well, at the very least he was man enough to apologize for that. It makes me like him a little bit more.

[Catpaw616]

11470462

And...this story is brought to a close. Honestly, all around I had a lot of fun reading it. I loved seeing Starlight develop as a character so much through the course of this story. It's also nice to see that not everypony in Ponyville is so mean spirited outside of the Mane Six.

Yeah that was the intention. Glad it played out swell lol

I can't wait to see how all of this plays out in your next story with Starlight, Catpaw616. Hopefully the next one will finally bring Trixie into the mix in some way (I know you have written Starlight/Trixie stories in the past, as I have seen your library, lol).

Currently I am making a new one-shot story, but it won't feature Trixie, unfortunately. But don't worry, I will add her to more future stories soon ;)

Still, one interesting thing to note is that Caramel never did tell Twilight what he said, about how he actually believed that Starlight defeating the bugbear was all made up by Starlight to make herself somehow look better. It does make me wonder what Twilight would have thought if she heard that. Oh well, at the very least he was man enough to apologize for that. It makes me like him a little bit more.

He thought that it wouldn't make the situation better if he told her what he said. He knew what he did was wrong, and was regretful. No need to rub the salt into the wound by telling Twilight all the cruel things he said. At least that was my intention when writing that scene

[Starlight Fan]

"Yeah, I'm done being in that phase." Starlight told the two of them with determination. "I've realized that I can't keep running whenever a pony doesn't like me. I have to accept it and move on. Some may forgive me, and some might take some time to forgive me, or others will never forgive my deeds. But either way, I will be ok."

Uh… they were treating you like crap. I think you were entirely justified. Good for you though.

Okay, maybe I was too harsh on Caramel. I guess he’s not NEARLY as bad as Sludge. He did a good job apologizing.

I’m glad Starlight’s starting to come to terms with ponies not liking her. At least now she can move forward.

[Catpaw616]

11470877
Mhm

[Flora Blossom]

My Little Reviews & Feedback I did your review.

[Redeye64]

This should have been her first lesson in the show or at least acknowledged openly without rendering it something of a somewhat dark running gag (that punk rock bedroom aesthetic in "The Parent Map", for instance. Seriously?) Not everyone is going to treat you good no matter how much you atone. It isn’t an easy lesson, but it’s essential. Great story.

[Catpaw616]

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Thanks so much! Greatly appreciate it