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I'm a brony and a Pinkie Pie fan but I like all of the mane six, as well as Spike. I hope to provide some entertaining and interesting fanfics for the Brony community.



This story is a sequel to My Little Pony Friendship is Magic What If?: Volume 14

With "Make Your Mark, Chapter 2" now on Netflix, it's time for another look back at G4 and a chance to see how things could've been different there. It's once again time for that series which dares to ask and seeks to answer that fateful question "What if that episode had been written differently?"

Just ten episodes are on tap for this volume, but they include some redoes, as well as a reworking of a Season 8 episode due to previous rewrites. Episodes from Seasons 1-3, and 6-8 are being rewritten here.

Yet again, the same old disclaimer applies, the episodes rewritten are based on my personal opinion so please respect it. Don't get offended if an episode you liked is on the list here, or an episode you didn't like isn't on this list. I'll gladly respect your opinions if you respect mine.

I obviously mean no disrespect of any sort to Hasbro, the DHX writing and editing staff, or anyone who likes the episodes that appear here. The intent of this fic, like all of its predecessors, is for entertainment purposes only and nothing more.

With fifteen official volumes of this series, it's obviously not possible to include links to them all. Use either the liked and similar pages to check previous volumes for other rewrites, or check my homepage for the first volume and go from there.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 17 )

Thanks very much for getting this latest batch started and for liking one of my ideas enough to use it. I really appreciate that on both counts. Once more, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up were all well done in all the right places. Definitely appreciated how Mayor Mare gave Twilight the organization job much sooner and Twilight's mishaps were more along the lines of observing how things are done and trying to figure out how to improve upon things.

On to the next chapter.

Again, this was a well done rewrite. Definitely liked the reasoning for the rewrite as well as the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations, and general wrap-up. Yeah, it DOES make more sense for Rarity to be the focus character instead of Twilight as well as Mac and Cheerilee only pretending to teach the Crusaders a lesson AND for all of the Crusaders to willingly agree to the punishment.

And, on to the next chapter.

Again, really good job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in this rewrite. And, yeah, the points made in the author's notes are good once again. Also appreciated the little bit of foreshadowing to your eventual "Sweet and Elite" rewrite in addition to the nods to the previous stories where Shiny appeared in your re-writes. Plus, yeah, did like Twilight actually talking to Celestia and Luna concerning her suspicions before confronting "Cadance", including the "not letting on that we know" details.

On to the next chapter, of course.

Again, you did a very good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in this rewrite and the points you made in the author's notes concerning the reasons for the rewrite. Definitely appreciated Celestia letting the rest of the Mane Six know that Twilight went missing from her attempt to get the truth out of Cadance's impostor and the reactions to the disappearance. And, yeah, also liked the acknowledgement that, if Twilight HAD told them beforehand, they would not have believed her, being quite aware of her habit of making mountains out of molehills (even if, in this case, it was another mountain DISGUISED as a molehill). And the stuff about something the real Cadance knew that Chrysalis didn't, as well as the actual name reveal being here too. And, yeah, also liked the work on the more detailed apology scene, including Twilight's.

On to the next chapter.

Another well done chapter in this series of rewrites, including the reasoning for doing a rewrite for the rewrite. And, yeah, the explanation for Spike trying to live by a "Noble Dragon Code" after finding out about it makes sense, as does the reasons for Spike's mistakes. And, yeah, the forgetfulness concerning Timberwolf Season definitely provided a good reason for both Rarity and Applejack to be worried, in addition to the talk that led to Spike realizing the code was more trouble than it was worth.

Anyway, very good job on the exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up and now on to the next chapter.

Well, again, I appreciate the reasoning for a redo on the rewrite and the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. And, yeah, expanding upon the Christmas Carol inspiration while keeping in a few of the differences DOES make sense.

And, on to the next chapter.

Again, some really good reasoning for the redo on the rewrite and excellent work on the exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up. And, yeah, you made excellent points on the redo of the casting.

And, on to the next chapter.

Again, you did an excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up as well as the reasoning behind the rewrite. Yeah, the Crusaders telling Gabby that story about Olivia and the hang gliders DOES make a quite a bit of sense. Really good use of past inspiration there. And to be fair, Gabby's skills DO all fall under the stuff that ANY griffon with the right amount of heart and work ethic could figure out how to do. Keep in mind that griffons have comparable strength to Earth ponies, can fly like Pegasi and, while they don't have telekinesis like unicorns, DO have claws with opposable thumbs, so pretty much all griffons are basically two-and-a-half-thirds of a rookie alicorn (emphasis, admittedly, on "rookie"), which means they COULD learn how to do A LOT if they put in the effort. The only reason more griffons haven't been able to do those things is because they didn't care enough to learn. But I digress. I can still understand why you would make the flashback the main story.

Anyway, very definitely looking forward to more of this.

Finally, was that so hard for Hasbro to make a better apology scene that a half-hearted one from Applejack?

One might argue the montage counts but I would prefer the others to apologize over that.

Lastly, on the detail of Spike calling Twilight "Mom", ever since my re-write of "Owl's Well That Ends Well" I've written Twilight and Spike as having a mother/son relationship. Keep in mind that it was years before "Sparkle's Seven" answered what their relationship was. Also, since my rewrite of "Molt Down", I've been trying to tone it down and only include it when I think it would truly be important.

To be honest, either mother/son or brother/sister relationship works for Twilight and Spike. Everyone always forgets Father Knows Best (which I’m pretty sure came out before Sparkle’s Seven) and how Spike explicitly stated that Twilight was the one who raised him and how Spike accusing he has a “real parent” with Sludge broke her heart. It makes sense that they’re both parent and child and siblings looking at the circumstances of their relationship and how much they rely on each other. Their ill defined relationship is my favourite in the entire series because of how much they mean to each other despite how unusual it is to say the least when you look at their history.

The tomboyish pegasus answered. "So you could see that there wasn't anything wrong with them. You can keep trying, and I'm sure eventually you'll solve all the problems with them that need to be solved. But there's more to you than those gliders and blueprints."

"Yeah!" Apple Bloom eagerly chimed in. "With your mechanical knowledge and know how, you could build just about anythin': Wagons, buggies, carts, you name it."

Speaking as a mechanical engineer: More specifically, what Olivia needs (in addition to the lesson on not obsessing over being perfect) is to develop her skills with simpler things where a malfunction won't have tragic consequences. I've sometimes wondered if G4 Equestria has engineering schools - with the technology we've seen, they look like they'd be at the point where they're ready to start transitioning from a pure apprenticeship-based system.

And for what it's worth: Turn Tank's propeller sideways, and you have forward thrust. Plus we've seen liquid-fueled rockets. So somepony with the right skills very well could build a half-decent airplane with what's available in G4 canon.

It was confirmed through leaks that there was supposed to be a Scootaloo episode involving this gifted filly who could make gliders, and Scootaloo would be the one to convince the filly to put her creations aside, but they wouldn't even consider the possibility that said gliders might be able to help Scootaloo fly.

I thought it wasn't gliders, but somepony obsessed with Princess Twilight Sparkle building set of mechanical wings in hopes of flying like her.

And yes, everything about how Scootaloo's wing situation was handled made it feel like the staff didn't want to formally mark her as disabled, but also didn't want to piss off the fans who had held her up as a role model for people with disabilities. Though one would think that showing her the wonderful world of aeronautics would have been a logical compromise - certainly a hell of a lot less tragic than having her yearn to fly but receive no real help there.

11382006 I agree. Would've rather they trimmed or cut the montage, and maybe even cut down a little on the montage scenes from "Love Is In Bloom" if it meant it would give them time to do a proper apology scene.

Where’d you hear that comment about Spike replacing Trixie anyway?

11385087 I don't remember exactly, I just know I read about it and that it stood out to me as something that should've been done.

Hey there. Thanks very much for getting the second-to-last chapter to this up. Really appreciate you going to the effort. The exchanges, characterizations, action and general wrap-up and future chapter set-up are all well done. And, yeah, it DID make more sense to use Spike than to use Trixie for exactly the reason you mentioned in the author's notes (including the foreshadowing for the Friendship Festival). Also loved how Spike was able to stumble on to the fact that the malwurf wasn't fireproof.

VERY much looking forward to the next/final chapter in this rewrite volume.

Excellent job on the final chapter in this "What If" Volume. Definitely appreciate you going to the effort. And thanks very much for liking one of my ideas enough to use something loosely based on it. The exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up are all quite well done. Definitely liked how well you made use of the "episode place setting" left over from "What Lies Beneath". And, how, despite this being "released" before the season eight finale, there is still some subtle references in the beginning about how this is actually set shortly AFTER that finale. Then again, the actual series had trouble with putting their episodes in chronological order to be completely fair. Also liked the students' reactions to the story (ESPECIALLY the Young Six's reactions). And, yeah, the bit about both Shining AND Cadance forgetting their anniversary, but Twilight and the rest of their family didn't was a really good pay-off at the end.

Definitely looking forward to more of your work in general. And, as for your next Volume, I would say, at this point, just go ahead and do all of the episodes that you still want to do that you already have ideas for and surprise us as it were.

Twilight smiled and then looked to Mayor Mare. "Okay. Let's get down to business!"

My Brain: Donotsayit!Donotsayit!Donotsayit!Donotsayit!Donotsayit!Donotsayit!Don’t you F:yay:king dare say it!!!
Me: (deep inhale) TO DEFEAT THE HUNS!
My Brain: DARN YOU!

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