Cloplestia
Joined 1st Oct, 2014 ·
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Ooh Cloplestia joins the fray! Just got a lot harder to place probably. Good work on all your other fics too!
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Thank you! There's some good competition out there.
Had a chance to read; I see you've taken some inspiration from my earlier writings <3
Be careful not to overuse/reuse unusual diction too much: if you save the eccentricity for just special occasions, that's when it has the most impact. For example, my use of 'detonate' in Daybroken vs yours here.
Loved the euphemistic historical revisionism at the end XD
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The historical note was super fun.
Oh, there goes gravity.
Mmm! Spicy stuff! I found myself enjoying the Nightmare Moon segments more with her teasing the guard and him fighting to fall for his urges. That's a sexier power move than Celestia's approach. I really wished that teasing went on a little longer, it was exquisite🤤 Part of me was kinda hoping she'd choke a bit on that large influx of cumm, my personal fetish, lol. Still, the descriptions were very graphic, soo good!
I like the little detail on how when Celestia took it up the butt, her eyes widened like she wasn't expecting it to be that much. She lost her composure even for a moment, like a bit of a role reversal where the victim took control; soo hot.
*squeak*
To be fair, Nightmare Moon wasn't wearing any armor either.
Nightmare: "Wrong in both accounts. I'm messing with your mind thoroughly. And I know exactly of this particular weakness of yours. You had been literally dreaming about it, remember?"
Who should he be more afraid of? Nightmare Moon, or rather Celestia?
To be continued...
To be fair, she is the ponification of the sun itself.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/10/15/1561617.jpg
Source.
Steelpoint: *in his mind* "I will use that to aid in my heroic fight against her later! I don't know how this is supposed to help me yet, but I'll come op with something... As such I'm not giving in or betray my princess, I merely settle myself to gain an advantage. Nothing less, nothing more!"
Daybreaker: "Don't forget to use those cute little fangs of yours!"
To be continued...
I didn't finish the story yet, but I already have a few ideas on how it might end:
On a side not, I finally understood why the chapter title is "meanwhile"...
He has no chance. And they both know it.
Good question...
That was probably awkward for all individuals involved...
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
Did the guards manage to keep their privileges after the climax of this conflict?
Maybe the two princesses later tried to sway some of their guards back to their side by offering them better working conditions as their opponents, keeping their allegiances in a steady flow.
I'm sure the guards wouldn't mind to participate in this struggle.
On a side note, this story deserves more likes than it got.
Maybe consider making shorter chapters in the future?
Reading over 9000 words at once may scare some potential readers away.
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Wow, thanks for the comments!
I think ultimately the guards came (heh heh) back to their original allegiance--the whole affair is deeply embarrassing to everypony involved--but there is probably also more, ah, attention from the princesses to make sure their guards remember who to stay loyal to.
I considered breaking it into smaller chapters, but then I convinced myself I would have to make a chapter of every "Meanwhile" and that would have been too many chapters. So I dunno.
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Maybe you don't have to split every "Meanwhile", If the chapters were too short (less than 2000 words) you can merge two of the together. In my opinion 9000 words in one chapter is very long.
Keep in mind not all guards are stallions. How would the princesses deal with the guardsmares?
Maybe they would first convince them the "traditional" way as the stallions: a single, intensive edging session.
Once they had pledged their loyalty they will occasionally help the princesses in converting the harder ones.
Alternatively the princesses may send out small groups of loyal guardsmares on their own to convince more of the "unenlightened" stallions to join them. Even a princess can't be everywhere after all, and about 150 is still a high number.
(Does this sound like something that might happen in this specific universe?)