When Sunset Shimmer steals Twilight's crown to the Crystal Mirror, it's Twilight and Spike's job to stop Sunset with a mind of crudeness and dishonesty. They entered the world of Sodor, one where Twilight is now a Steam Engine and Spike is a little diesel boxcab. Learning how to act like a Steam Engine, a Blue Tank Engine was focusing on his branch-line, when he meets a purple Steam Engine and a little Diesel Boxcab, thus, helping Twilight and Spike to learn more about Sodor and finding their way to stop Sunset Shimmer.
A Thomas & Friends x MLP Crossover that takes elements of Equestria Girls Movie and many Thomas elements from the CGI era.
Set after Season 3 of MLP: FiM and T&F: Sodor's Lost Treasure.
Chapters (3)
On a technical level, this needs some work. Here are some pointers:
1. Decide on whether your story is going to be in the past or present tense. You keep switching between them, in some cases mid-sentence. For example:
The first sentence is in the past tense, but the second is in the present. Either write:
Or:
2. Punctuation goes inside the speech mark, not outside it. For example:
Should be:
(Setting aside the tense problems and incorrect use of the second person for a moment.)
3. Typos are in several places. Here's one.
I assume that 'uniform' is supposed to be 'unicorn'. I would suggest you get somebody to proofread your chapters before you upload them.
I'd also suggest making some content or story changes to this bit, as at the moment this chapter is exactly identical to the opening of the first EqG film.
11302386
Thanks for the feedback, I will try to fix these as I can lol
I am aware that most readers of this story will be railway enthusiasts, but I think you could do with describing the locos a bit more. I, for instance, have no idea what an A6 Boxcab is and had to look it up (it would also be out of gauge on Sodor, but that's another point entirely).
I also suggest that you have Thomas be rather more sceptical of them, as two new locomotives have just popped up out of nowhere and STH has presumably not acquired more.
11302393
That I'll try to go in-depth for the engines and locos tbh. I had to stay up finishing up this chapter pretty late. Having Thomas more skeptical of them will be in the further chapters down the line when he learns to know more about Twilight in terms of her rambles of her crown quests and Shimmer.
11302389
No worries.
11302396
I wasn't aware of that, so OK. So far what you've got is pretty good, and I applaud you for trying. Writing is not easy, but once you have the tricks down it's like riding a bike. You never really forget, but all you need is the courage to climb aboard.
Bro wtf is this fanfic?! This makes zero sense!
As a Thomas a the tank engine fan. Bro what what is this, It's off on a technical level that Twilight wouldn't be a normal steam engine, she would be the newest and improved Coal engine to represent her magic capabilities.
L + Bad lore + Ratio + Bozo
11303813
Well, if you do mind help me give some kind of criticism I could improve upon in the later chapters. I'm behind honest here because I am doing my best cooperating elements here, but since you are a TTTE fan, would you mind if you do point out constructive criticism and some tips for me if I can fix up the lore?
The part you mentioned about Twilight having magic capabilities is going to be in the later chapters, as I had an idea of it when developing this fic. I wanted the beginning parts to get a fresh start for Twilight in this story to fit the Sodor realism, since I don't want to pull the spoilers ahead.
11303812
To be honest, you could give me constructive criticism for me to improve on the fic.
Just out of curiosity, But can you continue this story? It's amazing
11307525
I'm continuing it while working on other stories. I have gotten some criticism on some bits from other readers when I have the story ahead already planned when developing. Do keep in mind if you have ideas here, it's appreciated.
When are you going to finish it?
because I'm so excited to read the rest of this story
Are you going to be able to finish the rest of the story? because I'm so excited to see the rest