• Member Since 13th Jul, 2017
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

ALoneWolf


T

A closer look at the Camp Everfree incident from Anon a Mystery


Edit: This not a sequel, it's a deeper look at the camp everfree incident from
anon a Mystery.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 21 )

OOOOH You wrote that version of Anon A Miss...................... now why I dislike your Dictor story so much.
It just ;ike this fic where characters do the most terrible things for the wrong reasons and get away with it, because.......


Anyway this has Flash taking advantage of Sunset losing her memory of him and he willinguses it to get back together with her.
also the lesson in the end no matter what you do, all you need to do is buy the victim a big nice dinner gifts and everything ok after the truth was revealed.

11291890
Yeah I know about the dislike about how I written Flash in the first story, and I appreciated the honest critisism. This story here is to show exactly what went down during the camp everfree trip that lead to the memory erasing incident. I also decided to make a deep look because most people didn't get get to experience the events of said trip when I wrote the flashback sequence as it didn't explain most of the details in Applejacks perspective. But Flash isn't gonna be the main focus of this story as the attention is mostly gonna be about Sunset and the rainbooms.

And like I said I do plan on writing the Anon a miss idea I submitted to the forum later on. I justw anted to write shorter stories as I'm taking a break from longer ones.

Interesting that Sunset has abilities similar to when she became a demon in the movie but without having to turn into it. It does put into perspective that Sunset could have hurt the two students she attacked earlier much more severely but she chose not to - she dislikes everyone at CHS, but she doesn't want to kill any of them.

It would be interesting to see a version of Sunset that is aggressive and uncaring to the other student, for a good reason this time, but isn't interesting in controlling the school or the world. Unlike Sunset in the first movie or the Sirens in Rainbow Rocks, this Sunset isn't a "villain" so the Elements of Harmony might not even work against her.

Sunset's friendships and her connection to Equestria kept her grounded, giving her a sense of belonging that tied her to others. After Anon-a-miss showed that these connection weren't that strong to begin with, Sunset would have the freedom and the ability to go wherever she wants and do whatever she wants.

Now I'm curious at what's going on in Texas and what is Twilight going to do.

11292309
The main Anon a Mystery story shows what twilight does https://www.fimfiction.net/story/441577/anon-a-mystery

And Anon a mystery : The meeting shows what the CMC went through during their brief separation https://www.fimfiction.net/story/495330/anon-a-mystery-the-meeting

This story just shows a more deeper depth of the memory erasing incident that went down in the first Anon a mystery.

I wanted to demonstrate how Sunsets anger from the Anon a Miss incident pushed her to the limit causing her to lash out at those she once called friend even going as far as to try to burn them alive.

11292072
Yet you never bothered to fix it.
It's still a horrible ending, the rest of the story was nice.
I wasn't happy wit how the Rainbooms did what they did with the memory stone, but I get it.
Was a rotten thing to do really, but they suffered greatly already and been forced to face how they reacted, and their actions to the CMC.

Still i would walk up to each them smile pat their shoulders THEN SUCKER PUNCH THEM EACH WITH BRASS KNUCKLES! for what they did.

Flash..........Yeah not the gut for sure.

How come you never bothered to fix how you wrote Flash previously?

11301992
Because he and sunset already reconciled during my other story "Anon a Mystery: The meeting" and Flash did apologize in that one, Plus Sunset has long since forgiven everyone during my Finale story .

Dang if sunset was that mad at everyone, how on earth did she forgive them in the end. Especially after the mind erase.

Whatever Sunset Shimmer said in those red letters that was capitalized was so out of character, especially that color represents that she is still possessed by an evil spirit version of herself that’s making her try to kill them instead of hearing them out. If I were her I will totally listen to them and hear them out, instead of being a bit hard on them. Also the real Sunset Shimmer I know is the element of Forgiveness, but in this story Sunset Shimmer is really dead because she is not the Sunset Shimmer I love and remember.

11327075
An understandable concern, but who killed the nice Sunset?

Anon-A-Miss and everyone who believed she was her (or in this case, THEM), and this is the punishment they are gonna have to live with.

11372218
Its an updated version of the anon a mystery sequel where I fixed the problems from the original version.

11372309
so did you fix continuity errors?

11372481
No just some stuff that I should have addressed or written down in the original version, plus a few changes.

"I SAID GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed. " I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING YOU TRAITORS HAVE TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I TRIED TO PROVE TO YOU GUYS THAT I'VE CHANGED HELL I EVEN DELETED ALL MY SOCIAL MEDIAS AND DESTROYED MY OLD PHONE THAT HELD MY PAST BLACKMAIL POST BUT THAT WASN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU IDIOT'S!!!!!!!!????? I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO TRUST TWILIGHT, FRIENDSHIP IS A WASTE OF DAMN TIME NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO REDEEM YOURSELF NO ONE'S WILLING TO TRUST OR GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M PRETTY MUCH BACK TO WHERE I USED TO BE BACK IN EQUESTRIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M DONE, I AM SO DONE WITH ALL OF THIS HEARTACHE, I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANYMORE APOLOGIES FROM ANY OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T LEAVE MY PROPERTY IN THE NEXT 5 SECONDS I'LL BURN ALL OF YOU ALIVE ESPECIALLY YOU FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The group was silent after hearing Sunsets outburst, they finally mustered up the courage and got up from the ground. Hearing Sunsets rage broke their hearts especially Flash as they knew they caused all of this due to not fully accepting Sunset even though she spent the last three months redeeming herself. They knew that they disgraced their elements and their promise to Twilight and now look what's happened? However redemption continued to enter their minds as they still believed that it wasn't too lat no matter how Sunset was angry, they nervously stood their ground thinking that sunset wasn't gonna proceed with her threat. But before they could attempt to talk to her again the same charging sound could be heard from the other side of the door, they tried their hardest to stand their ground but after hearing the charge get bigger and bigger than the last fireball. They realized that this next shot won't miss and would potentially kill them all, as Sunset was about to launch her next fireball the group caved in and rushed out of their as fast as they could knowing that she was serious about her threat. Sensing that they've left The fire headed girl canceled out her fireball and collapsed on the ground and began to silently weep out of frustration and anger.

This is the corrected version:

"I SAID GO AWAY!" She screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING YOU TRAITORS HAVE TO SAY! I TRIED TO PROVE TO YOU GUYS THAT I'VE CHANGED! HELL, I EVEN DELETED ALL MY SOCIAL MEDIA AND DESTROYED MY OLD PHONE THAT HELD MY PAST BLACKMAIL POSTS! BUT I GUESS THAT WASN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU IDIOTS! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO TRUST TWILIGHT! FRIENDSHIP IS JUST A WASTE OF DAMN TIME, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO REDEEM YOURSELF! NO ONE IS WILLING TO TRUST YOU NOR GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE! I'M PRETTY MUCH BACK TO WHERE I USED TO BE BACK IN EQUESTRIA! I'M DONE! I AM SO DONE WITH ALL OF THIS HEARTACHE! I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY MORE APOLOGIES FROM ANY OF YOU! IF YOU DON'T LEAVE MY PROPERTY IN THE NEXT 5 SECONDS, I'LL BURN ALL OF YOU ALIVE! ESPECIALLY YOU, FLASH!"

The group went silent after hearing Sunset's outburst. After a brief period, they finally mustered up the courage to get up from the ground. Hearing Sunset's rage broke their hearts. Especially Flash as they knew they caused all of this due to not fully accepting Sunset, even though she spent the last three months redeeming herself. They knew that they disgraced their elements and broken their promise to Twilight. And now, look what's happened? However, the belief of redemption entered their minds, knowing that it wasn't too late, no matter how angry Sunset was. They nervously stood their ground, thinking that Sunset was merely bluffing. But before any of them could even begin to talk to her again, the same charging sound could be heard from the other side of the door. They tried to maintain their composure, but after hearing the sound increase in volume, more than the previous fireball, they realized this next shot won't miss and could potentially kill them all. As Sunset was about to launch her next shot, the group surrendered and rushed out as fast as they could, finally believing that Sunset was being completely serious. After sensing that they'd left, the fire-headed girl cancelled her fireball and collapsed on the ground, weeping out the frustration and anger silently.

11412115
Thanks for the corrections man👍 Yeah I should stop using too many "!" whenever I write an outburst scene:twilightblush:

The overall story is good, but the character of Sunset is pretty unlikeable, more unlikable than who she is in the first movie in fact. She has an understandable reason to act like this, but I think you have went too far in the execution.

You can make an protagonist who does unlikeable things, but the reason must be very solid and valid for the audience to buy into the story, and what they did must be balanced according to the motivation. And frankly at least in my opinion, a protagonist who does the things that Sunset does in this story to someone over a misunderstanding months after that is not a very strong reason, especially when the victim is genuinely remorseful.

She doesn't have to verbally/physically attack people for something as simple as trying to apologize to her, and she doesn't have to kill them. At most, maybe let her give them the silent treatment, or even some simple and blank replies after she hear them out. In turn, you can sympathise with her and them as equally.

Here are good references:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=MvTFF-E5wkw&feature=shares
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/340985/bitter-tears-an-anon-a-miss-fanfic

11500798
I know, but I wrote Sunset the way I did to show how hurt and broken Anon a Miss made her even after her name was cleared. When she was jumped constantly by Gilda and her gang during the main Anon a Mystery story, she wanted nothing more than to get back at Gilda and her gang after her name was cleared but her anger got the better of her and instead of Gilda she took her anger out on the rainbooms instead.

Login or register to comment