- Member Since 9th Feb, 2020
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
PrinceOfDarkness
Retired author, husband and father.
PrinceOfDarkness
Joined 9th Feb, 2020 ·
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Isn't Sunset a little young to have a kid? I mean, she's still in high school!
I'd read it.
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And to think I actually liked him. 
Maybe Pharynx is available.
Blame Sentry.
[Princess Twilight]:
this is gonna be some story. wonder how it'll keep on.
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Don't forget shenis actually a pony and more like twilight age.
And even if not you be surprised how young mothers can be.
Also... did this happen to you?
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Yeah, it did.
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Dude, this is me explaining my life but through MLP.
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My mom was nineteen when she had me.
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Sheesh man... must have been rough.
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i know. i jest hope it'll stay.
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It was, my friend.
Talking about it is...a sensitive subject for me. I still haven't gotten over it.
I prefer to avoid it, not in a way of showing denial, but not wanting to think about it.
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Technical she’s way older than Twilight as a pony and according to one of the Equestria Girls writers she’s older than her friends as a human.
well let’s just say the last homeless guy I met must live in my garden
A good story so far. Can't wait to see more.
i hope this story and others will get an update.
Judge Discord? Okay. Disorder in the court.
used "anymore" at the end of three out of four sentences in that paragraph. Could trim that down a bit, or use alternative words.
Wow! How does that work?
So this is the human world? got to admit, that is not what I thought at first. Could make that more clear at an earlier point, but you don't have to.
Going on and on about being betrayed while adding no information so far. Getting repetitive, but I can understand that's how someone who has gone through an experience like this may think and feel. Just cycling over and over again on one thought because the emotion is so intense. In that way, there is some authenticity to this experience. Just keep in mind this is dragging the readers along for the ride.
Do you remember, or even seen, when the Simpon kids kept repeating belligerently, "Will you take us to Mount Splashmore?" Any answer other than yes caused them to repeat that question over and over again immediately.
father, with an R at the end.
Oh why start now? Kept us in suspense for this long.
Actually thought Sunglow was a girl till now.
what if the above sentence ended right there?
assets.fanart.tv/fanart/movies/588/moviebackground/silent-hill-58b89bfc364c2.jpg
I'd probably rephrase this to, "You left your journal open," replied Sunset. When she said that, Sunglow suddenly realized that he forgot about his journal.
The edit above makes it more clear who is speaking. Your version kind of makes it sound like Sunglow said that.
I used the video below in one of my fics too. Specifically the last chapter of "Shadow Queen" which is kind of like the music that plays while the credits roll. But I think this fits very well here too. One line in particular, but you decide that for yourself.
Not much I need to say to this narratively. Just the way it goes.
This story has been marked "incomplete" since June 13, 2022. I thnk it can be marked as "complete" instead. I am not expecting an update after this long, and the ending here is decent enough since a story arc and resolution is complete.