So, I'm not trying to be mean. The set up is good. The descriptions are good. But its a little too unfocused. Charecters are being switched between too fast so it's a little hard to keep up. There's about 3 Charecters that I can recall any details about, and the story is so fast I can't tell you the genders of the others. This is just my opinion, but maybe focus on the experience of a select few. Picking two, three max and seeing what they are doing for longer stretchs of time would really help with establishing finer details and help figure out who the other members of the cast are.

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Thanks for the feedback! My writing can be a little fast paced, especially with so many characters and yeah, you're not wrong.

Congrats to Fire for being a daddy~!