Contentment

Now in her thirties and questioning the meaning of life, Rainbow realizes she can no longer continue alone. During a meetup with her friends, she introduces them to her son.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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DanishDash

DanishDash #1 · Jan 6th, 2022 · 2 · ·

Aawwwww, that was very cute.

MellowSoul

MellowSoul #2 · Jan 6th, 2022 · 2 · ·

11109707
Thanks. I thought about what to name him since Rainbow had a lightning bolt cutie mark. Raiden from mortal Kombat came to mind. Lol.

Scribblestick

Scribblestick #3 · Jan 6th, 2022 · 1 · ·

It’s a cute story, and I think Dash was an interesting choice. She’s so full of bluster and bravado, so it’s good to see her being so genuine about this big decision she’s made.

One thing I noticed was that your dialogue was a little hard to follow. You have a lot of quotes back to back without an indication of who is saying what. This works OK in small doses to emphasize a rapid-fire conversation, but it’s a little disorienting after three or four lines. Adding “Rarity said” or whoever now and then would help to keep the flow of conversation clear.

Overall, this was an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing!

MellowSoul

MellowSoul #4 · Jan 6th, 2022 · · ·

11109802
I gotcha. It's an old habit I've been trying hard to break. I really try not to treat readers like they lack reading comprehension, so I try to leave context clues alluding to speech patterns for each character's personality. I usually add their names when they're responding to something or if they show up at any point in the conversation.

Scribblestick

Scribblestick #5 · Jan 6th, 2022 · 1 · ·

11109815
That’s a good approach, and I like to use it as well. Something that helps me is instead of saying “X said” is to describe how they react. Like “Twilight rolled her eyes. “This plan is insane!”” Stuff like that helps keep the speakers straight while adding to the narrative.

MellowSoul