Solitary
Chrysalis did release her mask nor the tension that threatened to burst out until she was out of the ward: No longer surrounded by the rampant, erratic quaking that had met her on entry nor the silence but for a low, crystalline hum of some obscure magio-medical device which followed her out. Even when the guards fitted the shackles to her fetlocks and the restrictor to her horn, even when they returned her to her cell, her heart did not protest as much as if she’d been made to remain in the maze of cots.
Alone again now, she was once again aware of the painful prickling of her chitin - the imagined spears and bolts slung by the dead, battering against the fortress walls of her heart.
Each breath hurt like a lungful of a furnace’s blast, and she shuddered as she took another. Had it been this painful this much in the past, when the Kuru had come before? She could not remember the losses needling so sharply then, but neither had she ever lost so many.
Never everyone.
Then, there had always been survivors to turn to. Further lives to shepherd forward, plans to make, and subjects to rule. Distractions. That had been it, wasn’t it? Distractions, which might keep her mind from the horror. Voices to continue venerating, so the silence was not so acute.
But there are none now.
All the assaults and tribulations of her life, she had taken in gallop: Evade the threat. Take stock of what remained. Find a new plan, because the old one tended to die along with the victims (and there very frequently were dead, not only from Kuru. Things which forced sudden adjustments of plans tended to do so violently).
That was why she had fallen in with the cursed centaur and whatever that little filly was, wasn’t it? Because I couldn’t stand being alone. Even if it meant following around a hyper-thyroid meathead and a horror in a filly’s flesh. Even then I knew what would come.
Anything, even arguing with those fools, would quiet that anticipation.
Nested within that admission was the seed of another: It wouldn’t have mattered if they had listened to her. Her heart was never in it anyway. The whole thing was just a way to pass the time until the Kuru finally came to charge its terrible toll on the changelings.
Those wretched fools betrayed me. Turned on the only one who ever really cared for them. Threw themselves at the hooves of ponies who were only interested in using my subjects to prove that their pitiful pony ideas were right. And I -
-I-
-I ran away.
I left them to the Kuru. Alone and without anyone to lead them. Guide them. And-
Bitterness rose in her chest, hard and biting, like a lance of celestial fire scorching her heart to cinders.
-why shouldn’t I? Hadn’t I lead them without peer for so many years? Were we not more successful than we had been under any other? I was succeeding! We were succeeding!
But then I lost. I lost all of them.
And instead of leading them to victory, I abandoned them to Kuru and then deceived them into comfort as it took them to the misted neverworld.
A ruler must sometimes deceive her subjects. Even Celestia knew that.
So why does it hurt so much to have done so?
Never in a thousand eternities would she admit any relief when the cell door opened to admit Spike again. But even just watching him snake his way in and curl up on the floor was better than being left alone with the voices of the damned screaming from her memories.
It gave her an excuse to bring the mask out again.
“You look… distraught.”
“I am,” Spike said. “I’m angry. Pissed. Upset. Bitter. I’m a lot of things right now, and I can’t figure out how you aren’t.”
“Or you are merely the only one allowing yourself to show such weakness.”
Spike eyed her sidelong, but no retort emerged.
He sees through me.
Eventually, “We sent out your message. I did, I mean. Took it to the other Changelings. It… didn’t go over well. What this is, what it meant for any of them who were sick already.”
“I can’t think why not.”
His eyes slipped closed, his focus turned internal for a moment until the urge to fill the room with cinder and flame was a little less sharp. “We’re trying to keep it quiet for now, but Applejack caught wind of it. She’s-” Another pause, this one heavier. “-not happy. She and Twilight were in the royal suites for the better part of two hours, arguing it out. ‘Jack doesn’t think it was right, what you did.”
Eyes rolling dramatically, Chrysalis tossed her head back. “Why, the element of honesty is perturbed that a changeling would dare do something dishonest, no matter how necessary it is. I can’t comprehend how you ponies ever functioned as a society.”
“Chrysalis?”
“What?”
Looking straight at her, Spike drew his lips back - purple retreating to uncover bone-white teeth. “Just remember, these are my friends too. I want them to be happy as well. And I’m already a little on-edge from what happened to Thorax and the rest, so try not to be so snippily smug about how much my friends are hating this too.”
Chrysalis gave a little, low harumph, the kind of small dismissive gesture that allows one to register their protest while not saying anything remotely offensive.
Settling back down, Spike let his expression fall back to a neutral blankness. “Thank you.”
“You do know it isn’t going to end so soon though, right? This is just how it starts. When word does get out - and it will, because ponies are in general spectacularly poor at keeping secrets - more than just your friends are going to be upset.”
“I’m trying not to think about that yet,” Spike murmured.
“You should be. It is coming, whether you want it or not. If you wish to still be standing on top when the avalanche strikes - if you wish to be able to endure through this storm - you must be ready.”
“Why are you even telling me this? I’m your enemy.”
Chrysalis peeled back her lips in a grin, eyes narrowing in a thoughtful expression. “I am not actually sure… but perhaps I could teach you more? You already have a mind as sharp as those claws; if you sought to claim the throne of-”
“Forget it.” Spike’s tail lashed, striking the wall with a heavy thud. “I’m not interested in learning from you.”
“Oh, come now. You only just admitted to me that we are not entirely different. We have both been subject to the ponies’ efforts to shape us. We have both been hurt - or will be hurt - by their foolishness in playing with what they do not understand. And we both will never be accepted by ponykind-”
“You shut your muzzle and quit wasting words, Chrysalis.” Sitting himself up again, Spike pointed to his chest with a clawed thumb. “You know what the difference is between us? Yeah. We’re both hurting, and I don’t know if I’ll ever belong. But you can’t ever let go of yourself. All you ever talk about is how you will persevere, what you will do to rebuild your hive. It’s never what changelings can do. You haven’t even said once what any survivors should do going forward.”
“There will be no survivors,” she said softly, though Spike could hear the bitter tremble barely audible in her voice, “and even if there are, that decision has been made for them. Ponies will never accept something which feeds on them. Something which is outside of their control.”
“You don’t know for certain, and you haven’t even tried to think about it. You know what’s been eating at me this whole time since Starlight Glimmer explained it all to me? Why didn’t you try to warn any of the changelings about this! If they’d known-”
“-then they would have fallen even faster!” Chrysalis barked. “Don’t you understand, you who feel that greed eating at you? If they know there is a way out, inevitably one gives in! I have to be the only one who knows, the one who has to endure that knowledge!”
“And you don’t ever want to give in? You’re somehow - somehow immune to it?”
“Of course I do! I feel that desire just as much as any other changeling. Sometimes I even think about what it would be like to just give in, and live my last days in utter freedom from hunger even as I am dying. But I don’t, and do you know why?”
Spike gave her a very flat look. “No, but you’re going to tell me, aren’t you?”
Driving a hoof into the cell floor, Chrysalis yelled over the rattle of her chains. “Because I have to. I am the Queen. I cannot fall; I have to endure, so changelings can rise.”
“...yeah. It’s always about you, isn’t it. Me? Maybe I am still a naive little baby dragon, but I don’t want to bet on that. I’d rather put myself into being right in the first place.”
“And what will you do now that the first pillar has fallen, hmm? What will you do when it comes crashing down for dragonkind?”
He stood up again, turning for the door. “If it comes crashing down… I don’t know yet. Future Spike’s problem. But right now, I’m going to mourn my friend.”
“When the time comes and it does all tumble down around your head - when the ponies turn on you - then you can come find me. My offer is still open.”
“Least you won’t be hard to find.”
“Oh?” Chrysalis raised her eyebrows questioningly.
Pausing at the door, Spike looked back. “You’re going back in stone. If any of the changelings survive, they’ll get to decide if you get let out again.”
For just a moment, the mask slipped. Cracked. Turned aside, and let Spike see the truth beneath: The utter relief written on the Chrysalis’ face. “I will await it.”
Halfway through the door, Spike paused again. From out in the hall, he turned back to look inside: “Just one question, Chrysalis. One question, and I’d really like it if this answer wasn’t a lie. Did you ever care for him?”
She nodded without a second’s hesitation, chains clinking as she did. “I loved each and every one of those poor fools. After all, they were my subjects. They were mine. They shared in my hunger, and I understood theirs. I cared for and guided them, endured the knowledge of Kuru for them. In return they served, revered, and endured for me. That is how it should be.”
“...yeah,” Spike sighed. “I thought so.” And he loped from the room, eyes turned down and wings hanging half open so that they nearly brushed the dungeon’s narrow walls.
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There's something bothering me: in Chapter 2, Spike gives Chrysalis a pleading, heartfelt speech about his unwillingness to watch Thorax die… and then the next chapter quite literally jump-cuts to him wholeheartedly* accepting Chrysalis' plan to drain the life out of him and all the other Kuru-infected changelings, all while he watches through a glass window one room over. Even if it ultimately may have been the right call within the story's logic, it's a jarring 180 for him, and one I feel deserved far more lip service than "Twilight said we have to do this."
I didn't want to bring this up at first, mostly out of fear that I was misinterpreting Chapter 3's closing line. But now that this final chapter's all but confirmed that Chrysalis did indeed "put them out of their misery", so to speak, I can't help but be irked by how, within the span of a chapter transition, your Spike completely and utterly gave up on one of his best friends.
I can't shake the sense that I'm looking at this the wrong way, and I desperately want to believe that's the case. If I'm still misinterpreting something here, please tell me what it is.
*Or, at least, he accepts it enough that he goes on to willingly defend her actions to Starlight.
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Wow. I certainly suspected that my views of the world may be different from others. But I could not imagine that my opinion would cause such a negative reaction.
It seemed to me that I gave logical and well-grounded arguments, and also my messages are not offensive to anyone.
But apparently it turns out that you will be hated only because I am not like everyone else.
is it hypocrisy?
Is there going to be a sequel.
I really loved Spike in that chapter simply for his well he calls out all of Chrysalis’s selfish BS. It’s true, she only thinks of herself and how it all revolves around her. Even when asked if she loves them, she can only express it in a way that brings herself up.
11034685
Honestly I’m not sure why your comments got downvoted or who would. It seemed to me you three were having a discussion and both you and spoonlol brought up valid points. The only issue I can maybe see is that your responses were a liiiitle brusque and you may have benefited by using a little more tact.
I think people locked onto; “I’m too lazy to repeat myself”, “foreseeing your argument…”, “I’ve said it before…” and that sort of language (when in text form without any tonal voice attached to it) can come off as patronizing or a form of belittlement.
As for who was more convincing with your debate? Spoonlol was your most avid debater but lost points for using assumptions as main counterarguments and while your own speech was dry to the reader you did use the most facts and logic without bringing too much emotion into it (which you both did well but it seemed you did better to avoid)
You both lose some points however because these are (very entertaining and well written!
) horse words and don’t need to be discussed quite so heavily.
EDIT: also I loved this story and would love to see just a liiitle bit more! Half because you are a good writer and half because Chrysalis being misunderstood is my niche guilty pleasure
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Thank you for the clarification. It was really interesting for me to look at the opinion from the outside.
With regard to dry and unemotional comments, there may be a language barrier, which is why my answers can sometimes be rude and straightforward. But the fact is that I really believe that in making any decisions there is no place for emotions and you need to rely on cold calculation and logic. Impulsive and emotional decisions often lead to wrong choices that you later regret.
Perhaps this is my main problem.
At least claims and negativity spoken in person are much easier to bear than condemnation behind the back.
Thank for everything.
Well, dunno why, but it feels like the ponies will still try to forge the 'lings in their own image, no matter how many are going to die as a result.
Or, Spike, by her own experience, proven by the very fact that she's never fallen to Kuru, she had the mental fortitude to resist it. May sound egocentric or selfish, but if it's true...
I wonder if when all changelings perish, are they going to just keep her in stone and brush the whole thing under the carpet of history to preserve the sanctity of Harmony, or will they turn to horrible, unethical experiments to try and mould changelingkind into something fitting their vision, no matter the cost.
Despite what Chrysalis did and say, I think its true. I mean Twilight and her friends spread the Magic of Friendship and it always show good results and never something bad from it. I mean the Kuru infected all the reform Changelings because of Thorax saying to share love and to be honest; nothing bad ever happened to the ponies because of their actions. Despite how Twilight and every other creature that is friends to a certain Changeling; they've always thought The Magic of Friendship is perfect with no flaws but now that is considered a sign of its flaw. To every creature who hates Chrysalis for ending the sick Changelings, they have to learn the dark truth on Changelings sharing love; a lethal disease affects them if they share it with each other. This is the dark lesson in friendship; Change is good but you must consider the consequences of those changes.
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How on Earth did you come to this conclusion? "Unpersoning an entire race" is so out-of-character for Twilight that I don't understand why you consider it a feasible possibility.
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How could they have "considered the consequences of those changes"? They had no way of knowing those consequences existed in the first place, because Chrysalis, the only creature who knew about them, withheld that information until those changelings were already doomed to die. The story itself addresses this.
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Would they believe her or if Thorax knew about Kuru and told Spike and his pony friends about it, would they believe it? Beside even if she withheld it, wouldn't the other Changelings who once witness the Kuru, would warn the hatchlings never to share their love?
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Chrysalis's own words refute this:
She and the previous queen took literally every measure possible to ensure none of the other changelings knew about the Kuru. If you're going to justify her actions, make sure you know what these actions actually were first.
i wonder if chrysie shall wake up when Equastria gone? bitter amusement probably of how ponies are once again relearning friendship again history repeated itself or wake up for the next disaster that hits feeling annoyed at being the experienced one who probably survive it best i mean Celestia in those comic thrown her and her kin into a volcano and lived! CHECK IT!
maybe a story for what spike has to deal with when the time come for that avalanche changeling queen warned about?
Wow, I'm quite surprised and delighted this story has inspired such vibrant debate!
I'll say this: Chrysalis is not entirely wrong about the danger of Kuru. To the Changelings, it is an informational hazard: The more who know it is even possible, the greater the risk one will succumb to the promise of freedom from hunger and to surpass or resist it, to fatal results. Her reluctance to reveal it is informed by her own experiences, which suggest that, indeed, her own absolute perseverance in the face of monumental tragedy is the only safe direction forward.
Yet at the same time, I would suggest keeping in mind that when Chrysalis is explaining things, she is hardly an unbiased source of information. There's more than a touch of megalomania and self-centeredness there; as Spoonlol pointed out, she's unable to express her own care for them in ways that don't involve herself as well. Blame is always assigned to others, even when she is regretting her own failures. The moment she has someone else to argue with, she turns the discussion to their own alleged failures.
This story is not meant to absolve Chrysalis. It is not meant to condemn her either. It is means to show a ruler convinced that her species hinges on her own perseverance, for better or for worse.
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This, on the other hand, I will admit is a flaw (and a fairly serious one): Too much happens off-screen here; ideally, I'd have been able to work through the entire impact on all the various characters (Starlight, Spike, Twilight, and others) of Chrysalis' revelation. Perhaps that could be the launching point for any potential sequels or follow-ups: Showing them searching for any evidence to corroborate or invalidate her claims, trying any alternatives, and going through the stages of grief.
For now, I will admit that trying to keep the focus on Chrysalis did produce a notable characterization gap for Spike; even if I didn't transfer the point of view away from her, I could have conveyed his shock better.
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Why thank you! I can't say if I'll take this idea further right now, but I'll definitely keep it in mind for the future.
Well, this one's a thought provoker. As has been noted, Spike's shift is so abrupt that I still wasn't sure whether Chrysalis has euthanized the Kuru ward until I read the comments. It just contradicted what the story had established earlier to too great a degree to seem possible.
That said, this is a fascinating meditation on the limits of pony philosophy and cultural hegemony. The faults of more than one species are laid bare here, and I can see dominoes getting arranged in a path that cascades down to the state of equinity come G5. Chrysalis has some good points, but so does Spike. The problem with Chrysalis's worldview is that she cannot take herself off her own vaunted pedestal, and thus can never consider that she might be wrong. That she could learn or improve. That she could change. There's a tragic irony in a shapeshifter being so convinced that all creatures have an intrinsic, immutable nature to them.
Thank you for a grim but deeply enjoyable read. Best of luck in the judging.
I was going to write something about how Kuru reminded me of that one laughing cannibal prion disease, then I looked up Kuru and realized that's literally what it's called.
Good fic, sent me spiraling into reading about prion diseases on Wikipedia, and I imagine those will make themselves present in my nightmares tonight. Would recommend.
Interesting read! I think Chrysalis point could and would, considering her megalomania, also include the Mother Card. She had to euthanize her own children, and she does love them in her disturbed way. Sure, she's biased as hell, but the ponies and Spike are quite heartless when dealing with her.
The moment the true nature of the disease was revealed it changed from "you refuse to exist in piece, you megalomaniacal tyrant!" to "holy fuck we just murdered all your children", or at least it should have. The fact they're still so standoffish even after is quite telling of their absolute belief in their ways.
Sure, they could possibly find a cure with more time to research. Or they might not, but a cure needs subjects to be tested. They'd need to keep healthy changelings to be exposed to the Kuru in order for them to test a cure. That'd mean keeping Chrysalis as a captive birthing machine while sacrificing her children to their beliefs. And I doubt anyone who ever spouses following the elements would be able to continue doing so being so monstrous.
All in all an amazing story that shows that there are things in life which you have to adapt to deal with and the drama of two ways of doing so. Just wished Spike & the ponies recognized the implied "forcing a mother to kill her own children to lessen their suffering" as a more serious thing than they did.
Edit: have a follow, very curious to see what you'll come up with next!
An impressively dense character study on Chrysalis. This version of her is Green-dominant Sultai to the letter: A cynic both by instinct and due to experience. She's calloused, time-tested, and the only stage of grief she experiences anymore is Acceptance.
I give the story's ethical challenges and honest clashes of character the absolute highest compliment I can possibly give: It felt like a classic Star Trek episode. A true nightmare scenario being confronted by thoughtful, mature, and strong-willed characters.
Wonderful work.
The story was great, but it certainly feels like there should be more to it. Or that more may end up coming.
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Yes! The nucleus of this story was a question and a point of information:
- If infinite love is so easy to achieve, why haven't the changelings done so before?
- Kuru - the actual real-world disease - exists.
Everything else grew from there.
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Thank you as well! I'm definitely going to work on refining this kind of characterization, so I can present it better in the future. I think, though, that you've accurately summarized what I was aiming for with Chrysalis, at least.
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I deliberately avoided outright stating that she is her entire species' parent, as that would limit some directions I may want to take in the future. She certainly is some, and there is a motherly aspect to how she views them... but it's not a sure thing.
That said, there is a fair argument that the reaction to her revelation should have been a lot stronger for everyone in general - Spike, Starlight, etc. That's a fair criticism.
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Thank you! I think I've mentioned before in our talks that Deep Space 9 is my favorite of the Treks, in large part because it forces the cast to confront such terrible scenarios. At the same time, I also recognize that only works when there's some optimism elsewhere for that peril to stand in contrast to: It can't be all-depressing, all the time.
an exquisite read. thank you for publishing this!
This was a gut-wrencher of a tale! While I agree that Spike's change of heart feels a bit too fast, I can still forgive it a bit since Chrysalis is the focus here. It's notable, though, that it doesn't seem like Chrysalis herself has changed on the inside throughout the whole story... while everything else is changing, writhing—as, sadly, is part of the natural order of things in this fic's depiction of changelings.
Thanks for the story!
I'm pretty sure they lost because of Chrysalis. Yeah Harmony would have ruined them anyway, but it would have taken longer if Cozy Glow had been the leader.
Even Tirek had more accurate strategical takes then her.
And yet she was the driving force behind it after "freneimes".
To the point where it is arguable that the other two might not have continued with the course they did, if it were not for her.