Chrysalis is desperate and alone. She’s been cast out of her own hive, and her plan to use dark magic to steal the elements of harmony has ended in disaster. Just another failure in a long line at this point. Now, she’s completely alone in the Everfree Forest. With how bad things have been going for her lately, it seems like Chrysalis has nowhere to go but down. and this nearby cave should serve as a suitable shelter from the approaching thunderstorm, what could go wrong?
Follow the former queen of the changelings as she goes on a bizarre journey through a sprawling cave complex, and uncovers a hidden world deep underground. She’ll encounter faces both new and old, experiment with unorthodox magic, and finally determine who she truly is.
Story is set a few weeks after Chrysalis creates the Mean Six and her plan to steal the Elements of Harmony fails, leaving her to go crazy while alone in the Everfree Forest.
Story update schedule is at least one chapter every month until it's done. This will allow me to keep a consistent schedule without burning myself out. The first few chapters will be released from my backlog with a shorter time frame between releases until the backlog is all released.
Very good first chapter, I am extremely intrigued by Chrysalis's future, I liked the way you developed the fights and also how you presented the character of Chrysalis, she is still affected by her previous defeats and it shows by her psychological wear, but that didn't stop her from making the most logical choices regarding the situation she found herself in.
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Thanks, this chapter went through a complete rewrite and as this is my first story, I really wanted to make sure the first chapter was as good as I could manage to get it as a first-timer. Thanks for reading, it's greatly appreciated!
I don’t know where the story will ultimately lead, but it’s a cool start.
P.S. Chrysalis didn't take the "Purple Log" with her, did it? Will it not appear in history again?
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From my point of view it was an excellent start, I look forward to the next chapters.
Maybe I'm seeing parallels where there aren't any, but was that last part was a dark mirror reference to Alice in Wonderland?
Is this the premise of the story? Chrysalis in nightmareland of sort?
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I should've clarified that, I'll make an effort to make it more obvious in later chapters what happened. To answer your question, she did take the "purple log" that used to be Mean 6 Twilight with her, the same one that the canon version of Chrysalis keeps around later in the show. Thanks for pointing that out, I didn't even notice that I forgot to mention she kept that one!
Also, the other sticks/logs were given a "funeral" of sorts by burning them in her campfire, but she didn't want to get rid of the purple one, just so she wouldn't be alone, and as a reference to the show.
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Sadly, no, the parallels to Alice in Wonderland aren't intentional, but that's a good eye you've got there! As for this story being a "nightmare land." I didn't think of it that way, but without even realizing it, my google doc with the story outline does have the inside of this Crystal Cave end up being a dark parallel to the surface in many ways. Don't know how I didn't realize that, thanks for pointing it out!
I love the name "Cobweb Cove", where does it come from?
Chrysalis an alchemist? I can totally believe it. After all, we know what she can do with just a photo, a strand of mane, and a piece of log.
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Honestly, it's just a name I came up with while thinking of something to call her little hovel, and given it's both a safe place hidden away and filled to the brim with cobwebs, the alliteration just sorta came to me. That sort of thing happens when you've run enough Dungeons and Dragons campaigns I suppose.
As for the alchemy, glad we're likeminded in this regard. One of my biggest inspirations for this story was the scene in which she creates living clones of the mane six with nothing but hair strands and photos.
Hope you continue to enjoy this, I really appreciate your insight into things as a reader, it helps me refine things quite a bit!
So, in addition to the alchemical laboratory, there are also mechanical security golems here? Then why was this golem guarding the cave area but not guarding the house? Usually guards are posted in strategically important places. I would assume that there must be something valuable or important nearby the fight.
It’s too early to say, but it seems to me that this was no ordinary bat. 🤔
Two times was, one need to go.
That "she" need to go.
contraption or construct?
For a moment?
Chrysalis was a bit disappointed...
"gets" or "comes", but not both.
but don't go around getting a big ego?
Now I can only imagine Chrysalis jumping out of her bed and start singing "Good morning Cobweb Cove, I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day..." a la American Dad's Stan Smith.
You mention you had run some D&D, so... How much experience did Chrysalis gain, did she level up? Would she be an Alchemist Wizard or Artificer for this adventure?
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This is what happens when I try to write at 2 AM, I'll try and correct all of these.
Also, I would definitely say she qualifies as an alchemist artificer in this story if I had to put it in DND terms.
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Very keen eye. Also, wow! I didn't expect anyone to finish reading this right as I finished publishing it at around 1 AM, you're quite the speed reader!
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It's probably a matter of time zones because I read the story in the morning. ;)
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Wow, there is a lot to analyze in this story, I loved that you used alchemy as a temporary substitute for magic, I admit that I am excited that you are using Dungeons and Dragons references in this story, I have always wanted to try to play it but unfortunately it terrifies me a little because I am completely inexperienced in the subject and I do not have a social circle that is attracted to this game, I mean each of my friends has very different tastes from each other.
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You already included alchemy and golems in this story, it would also be interesting if you added something like magic runes or glyphs (I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure they are not the same), I would like to give you the advice of not trying to add too many things to time to history because even you could miss things. I love the story, it was a good idea to use the purple trunk as Chrysalis' companion, without that trunk it would be difficult to develop the dialogues of this story.
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Thanks for the advice, since it's my first story I may have gotten carried away with too many systems. Thanks for reminding me to reign it in, definitely something I plan to work on!
Also, yeah, writing a story about a character who is completely alone is a challenge! Fortunately, Chrysalis already had something in canon I could use with the purple trunk.
What crazy circumstance will save Chrysalis from this fate? Because I see no way she frees herself.
until everything of value was transferred
“How strange?” Chrysalis was puzzled. “Normally I can walk for day
It's either a period or a comma, but not both.
Here the period has to be attached to 'better'.
Other things to mention is that, in the first part of the chapter you use the name 'Chrysalis' too much, even if it is not for lack of 'she' or 'her' as substitutes.
What follows is not a big deal, but every time you use the three dots '...' you never leave the space of separation that should follow.
Giant spiders? I know they are common creatures, but... have you heard of Kumo desu ga, Nani ka? Because that's what came to mind when you mentioned them.
Also, is Chrysalis alone in that cave or not? Between the noise of the fight in the previous chapter and the manipulation and theft of the equipment in this chapter, it makes me think that her presence should have been noticed by now.
Sometimes when you plan one thing you get a completely different one
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........Lt. Sparkle?
The situation seems so hopeless that all that remains is to say:
game over “you have discovered the bad ending”
Why does Chrysalis need a jar with a lizard that can stick to walls when changelings can even walk on the ceiling?
Things might seem hopeless now, but Chrysalid is quite the fighter. Until time will tell what happens to her now. As for that sticky lizard, don’t you worry, it has a good reason for being taken.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to read this, it really makes my day to know people care to check this out! I primarily wrote this story because Chrysalis is one of my favorite characters and there’s a serious lack of adventure fics relating to her that are focused specifically on Chrysalis rather than an OC changeling.
Also, I wanted to thank you all for bearing with me as I try to write my first ever story. I may stumble along the way, so all your feedback is very much appreciated!
Interesting start.
Say it how it is, Chryssie!
I wonder if she took the Twilog.
... C'mon, you shouldn't have fired at the manticore, then there'd be a 50/50 chance of it going after the soldiers, or better yet, turn into a pony soldier, fire at the manticore, barrel in between then and they change forms again. You're off your game, Chryssie.
'running low dangerously low' - running low, dangerously low
'can you blame me for being a little "' - missing all adjective at the end I presume
Damn that manticore.
Seems cozy.
"I am become death, destroyer of worlds."
Hopefully she'll be able to heal that horn some way, she can't keep straining it like that.
New milion get! And I keep imagining it as a zubat.
I wonder if the rocks the cave is made of are particularly slippery or if she forgot in her panic that she should be able to scale walls as a changeling, who are able to shake even smooth walls.
Now the way is clear, she needs to build a magitek armour for herself.
'opinion the furry little monstrosities' - opinion on the furry little monstrosities
Nuuuu, fight it, Chryssie!
I blask Lt. Sparkle.
Arachnids of unusual size? I don't think they exist.
'she had to stare it' - she had to stare at it
'pink trial' - pink trail
'masterpiece or architecture' - masterpiece of architecture
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I have a confession, as someone still learning to be a proper writer, I realized that I somehow completely forgot that changelings can stick to walls which people reminded me multiple time in this story. Considering Chrysalis and changelings in general are some of my favorite characters/aspects of MLP as a whole, this is sorta embarrassing. Thank you and everyone else who has reminded me of this sort of thing! In the future, I intend to not screw up so much and do more research when it comes to this stuff.
Also I love the nickname "Twilog." I might end up using that in the future.
Just wanted to apologize for briefly making this story private. I got overwhelmed from people actually caring about my first ever fic and reacted negatively to the pressure and the analysis and having mistakes pointed out and a whole host of other things. I'm committed now to leaving this story up and continuing to work on it even if I make mistakes while writing it.
Thank you to everyone who has been enjoying and theorizing and analyzing this! It means a lot that people are reading what I write in spite of its flaws!
Now that's a positive attitude, Chryssie! Equestria won't know what hit them.
Fatality!
Huh, so she finally found some sapient cave dwellers... Let's see how deep the rabbit hole leads.
11832859 Sorry if that was because of me, I usually just comment on what I'm thinking about at the moment regarding the story I'm reading, I'll try to be more mindful in the future.
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Nah don’t be sorry! That fact you care is what matters to me. Without you and people like you I would’ve made crucial mistakes about character abilities and all sorts of stuff.
In all honesty, I just wasn’t expecting anyone to bother to read the story in the first place and got worried about failing to meet expectations. I just want to thank you for commenting and I hope you’ll keep enjoying the story now that it’s back on track.
the situation seemed so hopeless that I could not imagine how Chrysalis would be able to get out on her own. Unless she could use her own mucus to dissolve the cocoon from the web. By the way, it would be funny if, during a fight with a spider, Chrysalis would bite him and poison him with her own poison. 🤔
I was starting to think that this story had been deleted forever.
It's good that this is not the case. (* ^ ω ^)
P.S. More and more I am thinking that this story could become the basis for a video game. There are a lot of game situations here:
1)At the beginning you have a character at almost full strength with a lot of power, but during the first Boss battle you lose most of your abilities.
2) The first tasks involve researching the lecture and collecting resources.
3) Over the course of the story, you gradually become stronger and discover previously lost abilities and skills.
4) you have a companion who tells you what to do and explains things that you already know. And only you hear these phrases. (Lieutenant Twilight fulfills this role.)
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I definitely went with the familiar structure of a videogame since that's the kind of story I'm so used to. Also, I considered various ways for Chrysalis to get out of the situation and settled on regaining one of her abilities, the power to transform into one of her forms that she was previously able to switch into all the time. In this case, that would be a regular spider. If you're curious, the other option I considered was exactly the one you mentioned but I ended up reworking it. I will say that my main reason for weakening Chrysalis from the start is also because writing a character capable of changing into literally any form at will and yet somehow having them lose on occasion and struggle with fights is extremely difficult.
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I actually didn’t even consider the option that she could get out by turning into something small because I thought that changing size was something very difficult in her weakened state and low level of love.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
By the way. The story is missing the "Chrysalis" tag.
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Good call, fixed now. I don’t even know how I managed to do that in the first place.
This site forgot to notify me that this story had received an update. Lucky for me that I decided to check my tracklist in order of updates, otherwise who knows how long it could have taken for me to notice its update. I wonder if this was a result of you making the story "private", who knows?
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Sorry that it bugged out, I have no idea how unpublishing things work since it still lets me track my own story and updated me like with any other story I'm tracking after republishing it but that's probably not indicative of how it works in general.
Those quotation marks are unnecessary.
Chrysalis introduces herself as Shutterbug a couple of paragraphs down, so it's wrong for the Captain to address her by that name at that moment.
Recently it occurred to me that in those moments they did not really betray her, they simply jumped into the metamorphosis that promised them to be free from hunger, hoping that their queen would jump with them too, sadly she did not.
Stoneshifters? He didn't call them that.
I assume there are three points missing there.
Shutterbug.