Chrysalis is desperate and alone. She’s been cast out of her own hive, and her plan to use dark magic to steal the elements of harmony has ended in disaster. Just another failure in a long line at this point. Now, she’s completely alone in the Everfree Forest. With how bad things have been going for her lately, it seems like Chrysalis has nowhere to go but down. and this nearby cave should serve as a suitable shelter from the approaching thunderstorm, what could go wrong?
Follow the former queen of the changelings as she goes on a bizarre journey through a sprawling cave complex, and uncovers a hidden world deep underground. She’ll encounter faces both new and old, experiment with unorthodox magic, and finally determine who she truly is.
Story is set a few weeks after Chrysalis creates the Mean Six and her plan to steal the Elements of Harmony fails, leaving her to go crazy while alone in the Everfree Forest.
Story update schedule is at least one chapter every month until it's done. This will allow me to keep a consistent schedule without burning myself out. The first few chapters will be released from my backlog with a shorter time frame between releases until the backlog is all released.
Very good first chapter, I am extremely intrigued by Chrysalis's future, I liked the way you developed the fights and also how you presented the character of Chrysalis, she is still affected by her previous defeats and it shows by her psychological wear, but that didn't stop her from making the most logical choices regarding the situation she found herself in.
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Thanks, this chapter went through a complete rewrite and as this is my first story, I really wanted to make sure the first chapter was as good as I could manage to get it as a first-timer. Thanks for reading, it's greatly appreciated!
I don’t know where the story will ultimately lead, but it’s a cool start.
P.S. Chrysalis didn't take the "Purple Log" with her, did it? Will it not appear in history again?
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From my point of view it was an excellent start, I look forward to the next chapters.
Maybe I'm seeing parallels where there aren't any, but was that last part was a dark mirror reference to Alice in Wonderland?
Is this the premise of the story? Chrysalis in nightmareland of sort?
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I should've clarified that, I'll make an effort to make it more obvious in later chapters what happened. To answer your question, she did take the "purple log" that used to be Mean 6 Twilight with her, the same one that the canon version of Chrysalis keeps around later in the show. Thanks for pointing that out, I didn't even notice that I forgot to mention she kept that one!
Also, the other sticks/logs were given a "funeral" of sorts by burning them in her campfire, but she didn't want to get rid of the purple one, just so she wouldn't be alone, and as a reference to the show.
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Sadly, no, the parallels to Alice in Wonderland aren't intentional, but that's a good eye you've got there! As for this story being a "nightmare land." I didn't think of it that way, but without even realizing it, my google doc with the story outline does have the inside of this Crystal Cave end up being a dark parallel to the surface in many ways. Don't know how I didn't realize that, thanks for pointing it out!
I love the name "Cobweb Cove", where does it come from?
Chrysalis an alchemist? I can totally believe it. After all, we know what she can do with just a photo, a strand of mane, and a piece of log.
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Honestly, it's just a name I came up with while thinking of something to call her little hovel, and given it's both a safe place hidden away and filled to the brim with cobwebs, the alliteration just sorta came to me. That sort of thing happens when you've run enough Dungeons and Dragons campaigns I suppose.
As for the alchemy, glad we're likeminded in this regard. One of my biggest inspirations for this story was the scene in which she creates living clones of the mane six with nothing but hair strands and photos.
Hope you continue to enjoy this, I really appreciate your insight into things as a reader, it helps me refine things quite a bit!
So, in addition to the alchemical laboratory, there are also mechanical security golems here? Then why was this golem guarding the cave area but not guarding the house? Usually guards are posted in strategically important places. I would assume that there must be something valuable or important nearby the fight.
It’s too early to say, but it seems to me that this was no ordinary bat. 🤔
Two times was, one need to go.
That "she" need to go.
contraption or construct?
For a moment?
Chrysalis was a bit disappointed...
"gets" or "comes", but not both.
but don't go around getting a big ego?
Now I can only imagine Chrysalis jumping out of her bed and start singing "Good morning Cobweb Cove, I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day..." a la American Dad's Stan Smith.
You mention you had run some D&D, so... How much experience did Chrysalis gain, did she level up? Would she be an Alchemist Wizard or Artificer for this adventure?
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This is what happens when I try to write at 2 AM, I'll try and correct all of these.
Also, I would definitely say she qualifies as an alchemist artificer in this story if I had to put it in DND terms.
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Very keen eye. Also, wow! I didn't expect anyone to finish reading this right as I finished publishing it at around 1 AM, you're quite the speed reader!
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It's probably a matter of time zones because I read the story in the morning. ;)
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Wow, there is a lot to analyze in this story, I loved that you used alchemy as a temporary substitute for magic, I admit that I am excited that you are using Dungeons and Dragons references in this story, I have always wanted to try to play it but unfortunately it terrifies me a little because I am completely inexperienced in the subject and I do not have a social circle that is attracted to this game, I mean each of my friends has very different tastes from each other.
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You already included alchemy and golems in this story, it would also be interesting if you added something like magic runes or glyphs (I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure they are not the same), I would like to give you the advice of not trying to add too many things to time to history because even you could miss things. I love the story, it was a good idea to use the purple trunk as Chrysalis' companion, without that trunk it would be difficult to develop the dialogues of this story.
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Thanks for the advice, since it's my first story I may have gotten carried away with too many systems. Thanks for reminding me to reign it in, definitely something I plan to work on!
Also, yeah, writing a story about a character who is completely alone is a challenge! Fortunately, Chrysalis already had something in canon I could use with the purple trunk.