NIcely done!

It is pretty good. It felt a little rushed since you skipped over most of the relationship building but this was cute nonetheless.

Oh my god...

10100908
Yeah I had so many more ideas for a story like this but the word count limit for the contest made me have to cut the fat. If theres demand for it I might write a sequel that greatly expands on this premise.

This was so adorable!

Dinky and Twilight is actually a really good combo. They just work so well together, I kind of want to see more of this.

Particularly just the concept in general. Suprisingly there aren't many consensual AdultxFoal relationships that are so normal, probably far less in terms of SFW stuff. Anyway loved it, would love to see a sequel!

The only misconduct this story made is not enough porn.

Two out of three mentally scarred crusaders recommends this story.

3️⃣  🔟  🔟

10102075

Yeah a lot of those paragraph splits were caused when I transferred my story from Word to FIMFiction. I've been meaning to get around to fixing it, but I work a lot and haven't found the time.

10101979
Yeah, that's what I figured. The only downside is it hurts reader retention a little and it's frustrating.

I think this suffers from trying to squeeze a full romance into 10k words, which doesn't help to dissuade the slightly creepy/grooming vibes that naturally come from shipping minor x adult.

Still, short, sweet, and pretty cute.

10101139

I would sure like some more, if you find the time of course! Really liked it and wish to see the story develop in a meaningful way. Maybe even covering what happens in the future, whether they get found out or not doesn't really tickle my fancy one way or another but for a beginning to the story (or a short story with all the cliff-notes) this really caught my attention as romantic stuff is rarely done with foalcon and even more rarely done in a meaningfully impacting way. Can see this turning into an emotional and impactful story, and I hope it does!

I get cracked up just thinking about Celestia in the process of making twilight an alicorn (with the floating video images) sees what she was getting up to with little ol' dinky, and I think you can use your imagination from there.

10116966

Glad you liked it. There is definitely a bigger story I want to tell here, but... I'm still working out the details.

10117685

Nice to know! Oh! I can't wait to see what you do but I will be more than willing to if it means it turns out something like this!

Anyway, hope you have a nice day.