• Member Since 25th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Cuddle


English isn't my native language, so teach me Master!!!

Comments ( 9 )

oh my how delvishly delightful

it had been a fun read, keep it up.

Ok so here's the bottom line I'll give both warm and cool feedback, firstly warm.

Whilst reading the blurb or introduction to the book it seemed like an interesting read. The picture only emphasized my curiosity, making me want to read it.

Now cool feedback

So whilst I was reading I could find countless grammatical errors and punctuation errors, not only that, but the characters seemed uncharacteristically out of character. The layout of the chapter started to get really confusing as it came to this point.

And then she lied down next to me with her crotch in my head height. The highness was looking down on me while she moistened her lips with her tongue. And I? was breathing heavy

After the above quote, I could not read anymore passed this point.

This sentence structure is both incorrect and confusing. A sentence should never start with 'and' also previously you told the reader that her crotch was at his head, yet she is looking at him. This alters the direction in which we imagine a camera facing the scene, causing disorientation, now if this was discord we could understand, but Celestia is less chaotic, and instead is more regal, controlled, and disciplined.

But that being said the story has a promising plot, and I can see that it has the potential to be a good book. However, I would recommend hitting those English books and getting a proven proofreader for future stories. We are a patient fandom, we don't mind waiting for high-quality work. You need to focus more on improving, but with study and practice, you will make it. Don't give up.

I'm impressed that you somehow confused the word ludicrous with the rapper Ludacris. I'm assuming autocorrect was involved.

10070661
First I wrote ludacrisp but it sounded more like cereals to me. Then I've changed it and it was still wrong. I blame it more on my lack on comprehension in the english language. I should have taken words like crazy or insane, well..... I guess even here you find some sentence mistakes.

10070489
I'm happy that you took your time to even read the little story. I'm aware of my lack in English grammar and Syntax, my limited vocabulary and my bad story telling. Better don't read my older stories because it may cause pain or laughter.

Indeed you're right about the "and" as sentence starter. I was just confused about how to write without using "I" to often. Although English doesn't seem to be a difficult language, compared to other ones, I really suffer with the upside down grammar and I often go with what sounds correct and not what is.

10070881
Don't worry about the bad English, half the native speakers can hardly write or say it correctly. Some people will even talk backwards.

10070890
I know, maybe they all should answer me in German so I could point on their bad grammar

10070881
You are very welcome a good suggestion if your struggling with writing is to use Grammarly, it's an app that allows a virtual proofreader for your future stories, it's not perfect and it to makes errors also if you get Grammarly premium, it will also offer sentence suggestions and words.

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