- Member Since 31st Jul, 2018
- offline last seen Saturday
ClandestineWing
My name is Clan. Gomamon, musician, happens to like writing once in a while. Also doesn't bite.
ClandestineWing
Joined 31st Jul, 2018 ·
Offline
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A great start right off from the first few lines. Kept my full attation through out the whole chapter. Eager to see what comes next. Great job.
9112500
Thank you very much. I'm glad to see it had that effect. 83
On the one hand, it's nice to see a writer who has a grasp on the mechanics of writing (actual semi-colons, and they're [usually] used in fitting places!), and I don't want to discourage you from making more. That said, the writing is as a square brick house; sturdy and sufficient, yet lacking distinct character and style. Those who can get into the story will appreciate the workmanship qualities of it, but the lack of window dressing keeps it from truly standing out (although sadly, just spelling words correctly in this neighborhood is usually enough to be distinct from the morass).
That's the short version of things; solid but missing the pizzaz, bombast, or flourish that would make this a story as opposed to a story, if that makes sense. If you desire, I can provide more detailed feedback, but it will come with the expectation that the effort put into it will returned in kind for future pieces of writing. That's to both of our benefits, of course, so I think it to be a more than fair trade.
Regardless, I hope you keep writing, and I hope more that you keep improving. May your quill stay ever sharp and the inkwell never dry.
9114232
Feel free to; I warmly welcome all kinds of honest feedback. People don't get better if they're told things are fine when they're not.
9119834
I'll see what I can do when you post your second chapter.
Well I am happy with the improvement in the editing form the previous version even if it is and I am very happy with the story so far, keep it, I know you will do great on this.
An amazing story, I hope that I get the chance to read more of your work in the future.
9132135
I really appreciate all your support, good sir. Thank you~ 83
9143314
I greatly appreciate the kind words and thank you profusely for the follow~ I really hope you enjoy what's to come.
Did you get permission from Kurikia to have Patty in this story?
9164784
I most certainly did, as well as Thunderchaser's for his character.
Well I think this was a much better edit of the chapter keep up the good work.
Once again it's a fun chapter and I can see the improvement for the other version of your story.
Oh, this is a good one!
This is a great A story so far, i am loving this, 10 out of 10. :3 Well written, great direction with a surprising twist.
9366604
Thank you, very much appreciated~ Hoping your holiday went well. 83
Why does the stallion look like a colt in the cover art?
LOL!!!!!!
